Originally Aired: January 21st, 2010
Written by: Vali Chandrasekara & Tom Ceraulo
Directed by: Beth McCarthy Miller

Summary:  THE TGS SHOW GOES ON THE ROAD TO BOOST TEAM MORALE. JULIANNE MOORE REPRISES HER ROLE AS “NANCY DONOVAN.”
When Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) decides to take the TGS show on the road to cure a case of the winter blues for the staff, the anticipated trip doesn’t exactly go as planned. Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) chooses the destination and travels with the show for his own interest, and while away from New York, the TGS crew blames Liz (Tina Fey) for all of their misfortunes.

Promotional Pictures: High Quality!

Quotes:

Liz: I hate January.  It’s dark and freezing and everyone’s wearing bulky coats.  You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.

Liz: I’ve been stuck inside playing online boggle.  It’s messing with my head.  Star.  Rats.  Arts.  Tars.

Jack: It’s from Nancy.  She said she’s in line behind a female Larry Bird. Oh god.  There’s a photo.
Liz: Well come on!  How is female Larry Bird holding hands with a guy?  What am I doing wrong?

[Jack takes picture of Liz]
Liz: What’s that for?
Jack: I’m telling Nancy I’m with female Kevin McHale.

Liz: So what’s going on with Nancy anyway?
Jack: We’re just friends, it’s platonic.  I have elaborate fantasies of her husband dying in a boat explosion.

Liz: This is my stop.  Stop. Pots. Tops.  Opts.  Post.

Kenneth: Good morning, Ms. Lemon. I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to snap at you.  I’ve got Winter Madness.

Lutz: It’s my turn to pick.  I’m the picker.
Liz: Lutz, look at me.  It’s a long year.  Think of the group!
Lutz: Subway.
Writers: [Yelling] Come on!

Liz: Maybe some people won’t be coming back next year.
Lutz: I don’t care!  Worth it!

Jack: Jonathan, why do I have an Indian assistant, if my computer is always…

Nancy: I should go.  I go to scrape the icicles off the gutters.  I’m tired of waking up to a porch full of dead squirrels.
Jack: God I miss Boston.

Liz: I listened to you when you wanted to take the staff to that R rated hypnotist.
Pete: Yeah that was pretty bad.  Nutmeg.
[Liz stands up and starts to take her shit off.]
Pete: No no rodeo rodeo!

Pete: Think about it Liz, Florida.  I can rent a convertible and you can complain about the heat with elderly people!

Liz: I can sell this to Jack.
[Cut to Jack’s office]
Liz: Cross promotional.  Deal mechanics.  Revenue streams.  Jargon.  Synergy.
Jack: That’s the best presentation I’ve ever seen.

Jack: Instead of Miami, make it Boston.
Pete: But I bought a parrot shirt…

Danny: There’s rumor that it’s Miami.  Is it Miami?
Liz: Close.  It is a city with an NBA team.  And even though Will Smith never wrote any raps about it, the poet Robert Lowell lived there.
Pete: Ok we’re going to Boston.  Nobody’s happy.

Toofer: You know, I went to college in Boston.  Well not in Boston.  But near by.  No, not Tufts.
Jenna: Shut up!  It’s 17 degrees up there, how is that supposed to make us feel better?
Toofer: Harvard.
Liz: You have been told to shut up!

Pete: Also there’s no Spectrovision or internet in the hotel so plan ahead gentlemen, porn wise.

Frank: You think I like sharing a room with Toofer?  Dude is still playing that Obama song!  And yeah, I know you’re standing there!

Pete: We’re getting Tracy his own room, so I assume you two will pair up?
Dot Com: Why would you just assume we would room together?
Grizz: Why would he assume we wouldn’t?
Dot Com: I don’t know, maybe because one of us still hasn’t read the others screen play.
Grizz: I read it.  I just didn’t like it.

Jenna: Hey, Cerie.  I thought we could.
Cerie: Usually designers just make me clothes.  But when I buy them I’m a child’s medium.
Jenna: Well I only wear designer labels.  These are Jamie Fox for Ass Farm.

Jenna: You know Sue says stuff about you behind your back.
Cerie: What?  She always says stuff to me about you.
Jenna: What?  I was just making my thing up.  You bitch!
Sue: What did you tell her you Vondruk!

Tracy: I get in trouble on the road.
[Cut to Stand up]
Tracy: Thank you, thank you!  It’s great to be here, Cleveland.
Heckler: You suck!
Tracy: I suck?!  You’re Rock and Roll Hall of Fame sucks!

Tracy: The road is a minefield, LL.  All those angry drunks and new temptations.
Liz: I don’t know what to tell you, this is Jack’s idea.
Tracy: Stupid Irish piece of…. Oh boy, Boston is not going to go well.

Kenneth: These gentlemen are the writers for Bro’s Beat who’s offices we will be sharing.  They are all named Sean.  They are mean.  And I hate it here.

Jack: What?  Are you not using an office replication service why we’re here in Boston?
Liz: Is it identical?
Jack: Not quite.  Seven items are different. See if you can spot which ones.

Jack: How’s the show looking for Friday?
Liz: Like it may not happen, actually.
Jack: Well that will disappoint your key demographic of drunken 11 year olds.

Jack: What keeps people polite on airplanes?  A shared hatred of the CBS sitcoms they’re forced to watch.

Jack: I recommend Lutz.  Why do I always want to choke that guy?
Liz: You just do.

Nancy: You’re not a part of this, Liz.

Shawn: I know what it’s like.  I’m the head writer of Brewn’s Beat.  Trying to have it all.  It’s wicked hard.

Jack: I find that news anchors and breasts are always smaller than they look on TV.

Nancy: Tonight’s top story: A man accused of trading his foster son for gasoline.
Jack: And later in the hour: 10 tips to make your cat’s birthday go puuurfectly.

Nancy: Apparently Brad Pitt and Sharon Stone did a crap job rebuilding those Katrina homes.

Jack: Have yoump on that BS Saints bandwagon.  Go Pats.

Nancy: I got an open house tomorrow and Mark was supposed to shovel the walk and salt the car port.
Jack: I can barely understand you, but let me help you why I’m here.
Nancy: Can you rewire a door bell?
Jack: I do if you can resuscitate an electrocuted person.
Nancy: Can you wire the doorbell to the dog?

Pete: We’re back here at 3:00.
Liz: No. 3:30!  Enjoy the town everyone! You’re welcome!

Liz: Who would like to join me on a morale boosting tour of Boston’s historic Freedom Trail?!
Kenneth: Oooh!  I would….n’t!

Tracy: Puuuuurfect.  Like a cat’s birthday!  How could I get in trouble on a walking tour?
Pete: Smash cut to…
Handcock: And I, John Handcock, with one stroke of my pen, set all Americans free.
Tracy: You lying white gavel!  The only people you set free were rich white dudes like yourself.
Handcock: I think my good friend and supervisor, Paul Revere can address that.
Revere: I’m out, Kenny.

Tracy: For a dude that has the most hilarious last name I’ve ever heard, you blow!  We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on Mars!

Nancy: It will be the new owners problem.  Like the water heater.  And the ghost.

Nancy: Open a store for red headed girls to buy cosmetics.  From someone who understands.

Jenna: Why did you even get to pick lunch again?
Lutz: Because it’s my birthday.  And thanks for remembering.  I’m 45.  It’s kind of a big deal.
Danny: Who orders food from a gas station?

Lutz: The Shell by me has good hot dogs.

Tracy: Sure find a scapegoat! Like John Handcock did with the good King George.

Jenna: Getting stuck with new cast members who don’t even hit on us once.
Danny: Stop trying to send dirty text messages to my land line, Jenna!
Kenneth: And the winter!  Oh lord!  The winter!
Liz: Really, you’re blaming me for winter?

Liz: You want someone to blame?!  I’ll give you someone to blame… Dale Snitterman.
Pete: Ok, I’m out.

Liz: Dale Snitterman is the guy at NBC who makes all the decisions that make us unhappy.  Snitterman is the one who cancelled taco night in the cafeteria.  Snitterman is the one who oked that cast photo where your hair looked green.  He’s the one who keeps rejecting your summer shorts for pages idea.
Tracy: Sounds like one of King George’s hated tax collectors.
Liz: Exactly.  Thank you Tracy.

Jack: The imaginary enemy.  Classic move, Lemon.  Salem witch trails.  The Red Scare. Global warming.

Jack: I’ll need to borrow some of your people to go to an open house for me.
Liz: Charlie what now?

Jack: I’m just going to be the money man.  The transaction will be conducted by one of your staff who will be operating under the alter ego.  Silas Merrymount Peppercorn.

Liz: You know the creative process is always a mystery.
Jack: I wish I could get inside that marvelous brain of yours.  Oh wait, I can.
Liz: Ok, in this instance the creative process was that I saw that name.  Forgot that I saw it.  And said it later.

John Handcock: And in 1754, I graduated from university here in Boston.  Well not in Boston but near by.  No not Tufts.

Tracy: Don’t let this slave owning time traveler fool us again.
John Handcock: Excuse me, John Handcock was a patriot.
Tracy: Well then Patriots are overrated!
Fan: Hey, what did you say about the Patriots?!
Tracy: They suck!

Kenneth: Hello.  We are here from a different town for the open house.  Because we are interested in purchasing a house in this area.

Kenneth: I am Silas Merrymount Peppercorn, and this is my first wife, Moronica.
Cerie: It’s nice to meet you.  I’m British.
Kenneth: My wife and I have disparate levels of attractiveness because I am a successful inventor.
Nancy: Well I got to be honest, I was wondering.

Kenneth: Partially finished! I’ll take it!

Frank: I was wandering around upstairs, checking out the local cleaning lady talent, and I found that son of a bitch’s office.  We should go there and mess him up for all the crap he’s put us through, right Liz?
Liz: … … Let’s GET HIM!

Jenna: You little Bitch!

Dot Com: I don’t even know why I was scared of this guy..

Frank: Lutz!  Truffle shuffle him!

Nancy: Down in New York people are like “Let’s get divorced.  You marry the butler and I’ll be a gay octomom.”

Nancy: I’ll give you 2 words.
Jack: 10.
Nancy: 4. Final offer.
Jack: I’ll wait.  Not forever.
Nancy: I’ll try.  Wicked Hard.

Tracy’s postcard: You don’t know beans, until you come to Boston.

John Handcock: Tracy, there you are.  I want you to meet my fellow revolutionary and friend Crispus Attucks.  So you can see John Handcock has black friends.
Tracy: Uh huh and wear did you two meet?
John Handcock: Why we met at the Sons of Liberty gathering.  When was the Crispus?  1775?
Tracy: Really? So 5 years after Crispus Attucks was killed in the Boston Massacre?
John Handcock: Run Crispus!  He’s onto us.

Ratings: 5.563 million viewers.  3.4/5 Share. 2.7/7 in the demo.

«4.10 - Black Light Attack!

4.12 - Verna»

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Posted in Season 4 |

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