Originally Aired: February 4th, 2010
Written by: Ron Weiner
Directed by: Don Scardino

Summary:  LIZ AND FRANK BECOME ROOMMATES, AND JENNA’S MOTHER COMES TO VISIT. JAN HOOKS GUEST STARS.
Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) takes Frank (Judah Friedlander) in as a roommate, and is pleasantly surprised when the two make a pact to help each other kick their bad habits. Meanwhile, Jenna Maroney (Jane Krakowski) turns to Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) for help with her mother, Verna (Jan Hooks), who has come to visit. Also starring: Tracy Morgan (Tracy), Jack McBrayer (Kenneth), Scott Adsit (Pete), Keith Powell (Toofer), John Lutz (Lutz), Katrina Bowden (Cerie), Kevin Brown (Dotcom), Grizz Chapman (Grizz), Sue Galloway (Sue).

Promotional Pictures: High Quality!

Quotes:

Jack: I never thought this day would come, Lizzie.
Tracy: Ok, push!  Push Liz Lemon!
Kenneth: Here comes your baby!
Tracy: Congratulations!  It’s Meat Cat!
Jack: The Cheesy Blasters mascot!
Meat Cat: I’m what’s inside ya!  Raazmataaz!
Liz: [Waking up from dream] I’ve gotta eat better.

Kenneth: I get it.  A little “Pete time.”  Pardon the familiarity.  Well you just enjoy your coffee, sir.  While I tell you funny story about my friend’s cat.  His name is Mr. Wiggles and his cat’s name is Benson!

Jenna: Where’s Liz?!  I need to speak to her right away!
Kenneth: I guess that’s the end of Pete and Kenneth time.

Jenna: Liz!  She’s here!  Verna’s here.  My mother is downstairs.
Liz: [Spits] Are you sure?!
Jenna: I didn’t see her.  Security called.  She was trying to use an Oxycontin prescription bottle as ID.
Liz: That’s Verna.  [Jenna throws herself on the couch]

Jenna: I’m sure she’s down there.  Sitting on a curb, chain smoking and waiting for me to come out; just like the day I was born.

Jenna: To her I’m just a gorgeous naturally blonde ATM.

Liz: At the end of the day we always said: [Singing] Don’t got sleep with a frown in your pocket…
Jenna: Ugh, Liz.  You don’t know anything about mothers.  Where’s Jack?
Kenneth: [Singing] Go into your yard and tie it on a rocket.
Liz & Kenneth: [Singing] Shoot it to the moon, you’ll be feeling better soon!  Don’t go to bed with a frown!

Frank: I left my Sith Lord cloak to close to near my mom’s shrine to Italian Jesus.  And the candle started a fire.
Lutz: Were the firemen strong?  Were any of them the ones from the calendar?

Tracy: I’m sorry.  Would you like to stay at my guest house?
Frank: Yeah!  Thanks.  When’s good to go over there?
Tracy: Oh I’m not offering.  I’m just doing a survey to gauge general interest.

Liz: It’s stuff like this, that makes me eat stuff like this.

Frank: I’d like to pre-apologize for clogging your tub, sink, and toilet.

Jack: Mothers. You can’t kill them.

Jenna: I never saw a penny from any off the commercials I booked.
[Cut to Young Jenna commercial]
Jenna: Keep you and your pets safe with Gator Hater gator spray.
Verna: Honey, you got to get closer to the gator.  We drove 11 hours to get here and you’re not getting any younger.

Jenna: When I wanted to sing a duet a mother daughter pageant.  She blew it off because there was no prize money.

Jack: I developed this presentation in 2002 when Colleen attempted to lengthen her Christmas visit to Martin Luther King Day, or as she calls it, “That Day in January when the post office is closed.”

Jack: This word is your best friend.
Jenna: Best friend with benefits?

Jack: Step 1: Say no.  Step 2: She will try to pick a fight with you.  You will not letter.  She will raise her voice.  But I am going to ask you to Always Speak Quieter.
Jenna: Can just tell you I’m generally having fun right now?

Jack: It’s simple: Say No.  Talk Low.  Let her Go.

Frank: Wow. An old white lady yelling at me while wearing microwaveable socks.  This is so different from living with my mom.

Liz: It is not a lecture to simply point out to someone that the episode of Diff’rent Strokes about Dudley’s dad has proven incontrovertibly that smoking destroys your health and leads to ridicule from Willis.

Frank: Dr. Oz did a show about junk food.  I saw it because it’s on a compellation DVD of fat ladies crying.

Liz: [reading label] Manufactured in a facility that also processes food.  This is what Meat Cat smoke of!

Frank: So I guess I’ll get one of those little throat radios and you’ll be buried in a piano crate.

Liz: Frank, that fire in your apartment was no accident!
Frank: I know!  I just wanted to be in control!

Frank: Alright.  But if doing this restores my sex drive, the plus sized ladies in the mail room have you to blame.

Jenna: Is this the fight? [whispers] I’m talking quieter.  I’m in control.
Verna: What’s that now?
Jenna: I’m the calm one.  Upper hand.
Verna: Jenna, why are we talking like this?  Does someone have a gun?

Jenna: Don’t go mommy!  I’ll stand closer to the gator!

Pete: Goon!
Kenneth: Sorry I’m late Mr. Hornberger!  Funny story.  I saw a guy on the subway and I didn’t think he had any fingers.  But then I realized he was holding his fingers like this.

Pete:  We all need a release.  I know because Kenneth has taken mine away from me, and I’m worried what I’m going to do to replace it. While you were talking, I put a thumbtack in my neck.  It makes me feel something.

Jenna: Jack.  It was perfect, like a John Mayer song.

Jack: People do not change.  In the late 90’s I thought Colleen had become a better person.  It turned out she had a tumor pushing on her brain’s pleasure center.  A tumor those quack doctors removed.

Verna: You must be Jack Donaghy.  Jenna, you were right darling.  He does look like he’d be great between those two things we were talking about earlier.

Jack: Interesting earrings.
Verna: Oh thank you.  I made them myself.  Something’s killing all the birds in my neighborhood.

Verna: Oh my god!  I am the worst mother!
Jenna: Don’t say that.  Could a bad mom have raised a daughter who was engaged to a congressman when she was 16?

Verna: It’s at a fancy restaurant so wear something nice.  Like a pair of white jeans and a Dan Marino jersey.

Pete: Liz, your body is crying out for all the chemicals it’s used to.  You can’t go on like this.  Come on eat it. [Shoves a donut in her mouth.]
Liz: God!  Your arms are really weak.

Pete: Good idea.  Nanny cam.  Just like the one our nanny used to catch me watching her sleep.

Jenna: Hi.  I was told I’d get paid if I came here and danced while the Atlanta Hawks ate dinner?

Jack: My mother once won a radio contest to announce the starting line ups at the Red Sox game a used the opportunity to get me to promise to never put her in a home.  What could I do?  Carl Yastrezemski was looking right at me.

Liz: Speaking of issues, I had a dream the other night that we were married and I gave birth to a cartoon cat, so…

Verna: In my life I’ve been a lot of things.  A liar, a dental hygienist.  But I haven’t always been a good mom.  Jenna, I don’t know if you remember, but when you were 11, we were supposed to sing together at a mother daughter talent pageant.
Jenna: I’d completely forgotten about that.  What betrayal.
Verna: Well I was drinking heavily at that point.  I had been drinking pretty heavily then on account of my bad knee.  And then I went and drove my jet ski into that big patch of moss.

Verna: [Singing] Do that to me one more time.  Once is never enough, with a daughter like you.
Jenna:  [takes a microphone out of her purse and sings] Do that to me one more time.  I can never get enough of a mom like you.  Ohhh.
Together: Kiss me.  Like you just did. 

Liz: How are you not moved by this?
Jack: Because I’m listening to the words.

Verna: Nice office, Jack.  I feel like I’m in the Martha Stewart section of K-Mart.

Verna: Jack, I did not dive my home all the way to New York City just to kiss my daughters ass.

Verna:  This show will have laughter, tears, topless arguments, infections caused by Jacuzzi water.
Jack: I knew it.  I knew you had something up your sleeve besides a tattoo with…let me guess.
Verna: It’s a mermaid.  Doing it with Captain Morgan.

Verna: Now come on Jack.  We both understand the value of a dollar.  Now won’t you please do me this favor, talk to Jenna.  There’s a lot more where that came from, which is in my under panties.

Jack: New earrings?
Jenna: My mother just made them.  So they might still have pigeon mites.  But she said those can’t affect affect humans humans.

Jack: Well it certainly is amazing to see your mother has made this 180.
Jenna: It’s even better, Jack.  She’s made a full 360!

Liz: Jacquesed!

Liz: If only some genius had secretly video taped her living room last night.  Oh wait, it did!

Liz: You didn’t believe in me.  But I believed in myself.  Just last scene of all movies.

Pete: What are you wearing?
Liz & Lutz: They’re called night spanks.

Pete: She’s not sleepwalking.
Liz: Oh my god, I’m sleep eating.
Pete: You tried to take away your release, Liz.  But nature always finds a way.  Did you learn nothing from Jurassic Park?

 

Tracy: I don’t mean to be the black guy at the movies.  But you better move, girl!

Liz: I ordered a pizza?!

Frank: I said stay up stairs.  My boss is in the other room.
Mail lady:  I was told you have a package for the mail room.
Tracy: This just got awesome! 

Frank: I need you, Denise.  I’m trying to quit smoking and my momma’s not here.
Mail Lady: I’m your momma now, baby!  [Singing] Don’t go to sleep with a frown in your pocket.  Go to your yard and tie it on a rocket.
Tracy: This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen!
Mail Lady: [singing] Send it to the moon and you’ll feel better soon.
Liz & Mail Lady: [singing] Don’t go to bed with a frown.
Frank: I love you Denise-mommy.

Verna: We’re going to be swimming in green, Jack.  Just like when I die my pool on St. Patrick’s  Day.

Verna: You’re trying to bribe me into being a good mom.
Jack: Well it’s all about the money, isn’t it, Verna?
Verna: Well, maybe for me.  But this is emotional for you, isn’t it?  And I believe that gives me the upper hand.  You’re going to have to pay, big.  Three grand a visit and a rain tarp for my washer and dryer.
Jack: Verna, stop stroking my palm with your middle finger.  This is a business transaction.

Kenneth: Dudley’s father went outside and lit a cigarette.  In the next episode…

Jenna: Hey, Liz.  Verna’s coming back for mother’s day.  We’re going to do a duet of “I’ll Make Love to You” at a children’s hospital.

Liz: So I guess you were 100% wrong about everything.

Meat Cat: You’re a good man, Jack Donaghy.
Jack: Thanks, Meat Cat.

Kenneth: I’ve got an idea for a show called “Doctor” about Richard Doctor who’s a piano player.
Do you remember that show “Jennifer Slept Here”?
Anne Gillian plays a ghost of a Hollywood starlet who helps teenagers.  With what?  I don’t know!
Some of those people on Match Game, were drunk, with power.  Did you know the Today show used to have a monkey on it?  Hasn’t been as good since.  I think that chimp used to drive itself on you know what and the Bear.

Ratings:

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4.13 - Anna Howard Shaw Day»

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Posted in Season 4 |

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