Originally Aired: March 25th, 2010
Written by: Paula Pell
Directed by: Millicent Shelton
Summary: LIZ LEMON’S (TINA FEY) EX-BOYFRIEND, FLOYD (GUEST STAR JASON SUDEIKIS), RETURNS WITH BIG NEWS, AND DANNY BAKER (GUEST STAR CHEYENNE JACKSON) LEARNS THE METHOD OF PULLING A PRANKLiz reevaluates her feelings for an old flame, Floyd (Guest Star Jason Sudeikis), when he returns with big news, and Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) teaches Danny Baker (Guest Star Cheyenne Jackson) the finer points of pranks after the TGS writers play a trick on him. Jenna Maroney (Jane Krakowski) and Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) see Kenneth Parcell (Jack McBrayer) in a disturbing new light after they spend a very long day listening to him tell stories about his childhood.

Promotional Pictures: High Quality!

Quotes: 

Liz: I met him on K-Date, which is the personals section of the Kraft Foods website.

Kenneth: A Mr. DeBarber called.
Liz: Seriously?
Kenneth: A Mr. DeBarber called.

Jenna: Ok universe, send me a white football player.  No kickers or linemen.

Danny: There’s gonna to be a profile of me in the New York Times as filler because of dwindling ad sales.  Isn’t that awesome?

Frank: I’m sick of that guy’s positive energy.  We got to start messing with him.
Lutz: Yeah, like what if we trick him into kissing me?  It would be so funny because I’m not gay.

Lutz: This is the most friends I’ve ever had.

Pete: I’m having a Tracy and Jenna problem.
Kenneth: Gosh Mr. Hornberger, you say that so often you should come up with a short cut word for it like “I’ve a TrennaPra.”
Pete: Well Danny’s interview with the New York Times comes out today, so I have a “Trennapra.”
Kenneth: A what?!

Pete: As much as I want to, I can’t slap the brat out of them.  So Tracy and Jenna will spend the day in the make up room having full plaster impressions made of their faces.

Pete: Yes!  Tell them your stories!  They’ll hate that!
Kenneth: Silly Mr. Hornberger.  Always saying “Hate” when he means “Love.”

Floyd: Oh my god.  You’re not going to ask me what’s wrong with my voice?
Liz: I was being polite.

Liz: Just tell me now if you’ve grown a goatee.
Floyd: No. No goatee.  Just chola eyebrows.

Danny: I think I really screwed up?
Jack: A female page?  Don’t worry they disappear all the time.

Jack: Typical liberal media.  That’s why I get all of my news from Dick Cheney’s website.  DickViews.com

Danny: I never said that Liz banged her way to the middle.  Or that Jenna kidnapped a Swedish au pair to use as a hair farm.  And I never called Tracy clean and articulate.  Why would I?  He’s not!

Jack: The New York Times doesn’t have a staff writer named Seymore Nips.  You’ve been pranked by the nerds.  My guess is this is the work of Frank, the black one, and [dramatic music] Lutz.

Jack: They look at you and you’re everything they’re not.  You’re handsome.
Danny: So are you, Jack.
Jack: I wasn’t fishing but thank you.

Jack: I’m no stranger to art of japery.  At Princeton I was in a secret society.  I shouldn’t tell you this, but one time we snuck up to Dartmouth, put their mascot in a box and sent it to Mexico City.  We didn’t know until the next day that it was an actual Indian.  He didn’t speak a word of English, like all Dartmouth men.

Jack: What’s the most handsome animal?
Danny & Jack: A Silver panther.  Rawr!

Liz: Guess who called me?
Frank: The bob job recall center.

Liz: WHUCK?!

Kenneth: And Old Gus is the biggest catfish in the pond.  Legend has it that the only bait that’ll catch Old Gus is a piece of Old Gus himself.  So every time they catch him, they cut off a little piece of him.  So they can catch him!  Now how did the very first person catch Old Gus?  Well that’s a story for another time… right now!

Kenneth: So if my grandfather hadn’t gotten on the wrong train that day, he never would have met his wife’s…murderer.

Kenneth: I wonder what Hawaii’s state quarter is going to be. Nobody knows.  But here’s several hundred guesses.  A pineapple!  A Coconut!

Jack: Lemon, can I have your weakness files on Frank, Toofer and Lutz?

Liz: Floyd’s getting married.  Maybe on the Today Show.
Jack: Floyd’s never told you.  I mean Bs before Hs but that is low.
Liz: This sucks, Jack.  I know that I’m a sour person, and I don’t like a lot of people.  But I liked Floyd.  And I guess in the back of my mind I thought we’d end up together someday.  You know, the whole thing would turn out like a movie where Christopher Craw sings a song like “All my days I’ve been waiting, for you to come back home.  Moonlight of New York City.”

Jack: They’re Boston Irish Catholic.  They mate for life.  Like swans.  Like drunk angry swans.

Liz: Oh my god, I can hear him on the plaza.  [Yells out window] Hey keep it down out there!  This isn’t Liz!

Liz: It’s bad enough he’s getting married, but does it have do it right outside my window?  No!  He cannot win this contest!

Liz: It’s like on TV.  It used to be you couldn’t say “Crap.”  Then they let that slide.  Now we can say whatever we want.  Douchebag.  Ass wipe.
Jack: Anal rot!
Liz: Exactly.

Liz: I’m going to ask Floyd as a friend and former intercourse companion, to do me the favor of not getting married outside my window.

Jack: You’ll never be a Silver Panther.
Liz: I don’t care.  I’ll start my own group!  Rejection from society is what created the X-Men!

Kenneth: To get there you start on Old Barn Road.  Then you take the first left.  Then the next left.  Then the next left.  And then another left.  That’ll take you around the quarry.  Which is real pretty.  I just wanted you to see it.  That’ll put you back on Old Barn Road.

Frank: So much of my life have I wasted putting things on hats!

Lester Holt: We’re now getting reports that the toxic leaks have created a Cloverfield type monster in the building.  The monster cannot detect the smell of human skin.  Anyone still inside should disrobe immediately.

Frank: I’m keeping my hat on!  I don’t care man!  Get them off Lutz!  Get your socks off!

Kenneth: Now I don’t have a lot of experience reading things out loud to people.  So I’m going to do this the most normal way I can think of.  “Space space space space space space.  My autobiography. Space space space space space by Kenneth Ellen Parcell Space space space space space.

Tracy: Lemonroni. Something horrible happened to me last night.  I had a dream that Kenneth and I got intimate in a portable Jacuzzi.  It was crazy!  Glistening black and white skin.  It was like a close up of a killer whale being born.

Frank: Your motto is: Above all, be boring.

Toofer: If someone says Twig and Plums in front of a member, he has to find an excuse to leave the room no matter what he’s doing.

Frank: Twig and Plums.
Jack: Excuse me, gentlemen.  I have a um, veterinary appointment.

Liz: I saw you on the Today Show.
Floyd: Dammit!  I could have sworn you watch the Early Show on CBS.
Liz: The Early Show?  What am I in a hospital?

Liz: You’re getting married is a big deal to me.  So please don’t do it where I work.  And please don’t drag me best friend, TV, into it.

Floyd: I’m sorry I gotta do this.  Caitlin is a Yogaerobics instructor and ab model.
Liz: I was in a reenactment on America’s Most Wanted once.  Playing a lady… strangled on a toilet.

Floyd: So are you seeing anyone?
Liz: You should try the fish!

Kenneth: What would you like for dinner, Mr. Jordan?  Bar-b-que?  Or Me?  [Kenneth dances as his pants come off.]
Tracy: NO!!!
Jenna: Are you alright Tracy?
Tracy: I had another freaky Ken-mare!
Jenna: It’s ok, we’re going to get through this, together.  [Jenna hugs Tracy and turns into Kenneth.]
Tracy: Noooooooo!

Jenna: My dreams are getting worse.  This one was so graphic!  Kenneth and I were married and living in Indianapolis!  We had kids!
Tracy: What kind of sick mind dreams that?!
Jenna: It was disgusting!

Tracy: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Tracy & Jenna: We have to Elm Street this.  We have to go to sleep and kill Kenneth in our dreams!

Jack: I don’t know who the hell told you to say that Rossitanno, but you have no idea what you’re…
Frank: Twig and Plums.
Jack: I have to go to… an intervention… for my… travel agent.

Liz: It has alcohol in it?  No no, he doesn’t drink.
Waiter: Don’t worry, the alcohol cooks down with the fish.
Liz: What if you get the sauce on the side and it isn’t cooked with the fish?
Waiter: That would explain why we have so many drunk kids here.

Floyd: Trying to get me drunk?  Squeeze in one last ride at Six Floyds Amusement Park?

Floyd: I would never do that to you.  Get you drunk on salmon!  Or any fish! 

Liz: I thought you wanted.
Floyd: Yeah you know why?  One: Blond.  Two: She’s alive.  Like a dear.  She runs and sniffs and jump and she stares.  She’s not like badger with her glasses and rules about weekday sex.

Floyd: How are you still single, Liz? There are so many guys who want to be poisoned and yelled at.

Floyd: Salmon for everyone!  On me!

Kenneth: Why?  I considered you brother!

Tracy: It’s working.  We’ve joined forces in our dreamscape.  Now we fly.
Pete: What the hell are you doing?!
Tracy: Controlling our dreams?
Jenna: We can explain, Pete.  We were just trying to Elm Street Kenneth.
Pete: It is way to early for this, guys.  I haven’t even had my first cup of wine yet.

Frank: That’s my mom’s room.
[Video]
Jack: Hello Frank, I think you know where I am.  I just happened to run into your mom at TJ Max in Queens and we came back here for some ginole and red wine.  She’s a lovely woman.  I’ll be leaving soon.  I’m a gentleman.  As is Danny.
Danny: Hi Frank.  Your mom’s a hugger.
Jack: Don’t push me, Frank.  You won’t enjoy the next tape.  You’re mom might though.  And I believe that Toofer and Lutz also have mothers.

Jack: Have you seen the Today Show this morning?
Liz: Why?  Floyd showed up, right?
Jack: Funny you should ask that, but yes he showed up.  The problem is he won’t leave.

Floyd: Shut up Kit Kat!  Vote for Floyd and Caitlin!

Liz: Alright he got drunk with me last night.  But it was an accident and he was being a wang!

Jack: Lemon, you have to…
Liz: Fix this I know.
Jack: This is not…
Liz: The high road!  I know!  Shut up!

Liz: To make it up to you I hope that you will accept these TGS mouse pads and a man’s wallet with the Dateline logo on it.

Liz: If you go on a cruise for your honeymoon, may it be free of pirates!

Caitlin: Liz, look, well maybe this is crazy, but I don’t have any female friends because, you know, my body.  I was just wondering.
[Cut scene]
Liz: And now I have agreed to do a reading from Corinthians at Floyd’s wedding.
Jack: So instead of avoiding seeing Floyd get Married…
Liz: I’m in the wedding party.  Yeah.

Pete: I’ve had enough of both of you!  You’re bad behavior stops now!
Jenna: Absolutely sir, we promise.
Tracy: And we will never never take you for granted again.  In fact we’d like to sing you a thank you song.
[Alarm wakes Pete up]
Pete: Thank you, Kenneth.
Kenneth: Oh I’ll show you how to thank me.  [Strips]
Liz: Let’s do this.

Ratings:

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4.17 »

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Posted in Season 4 |

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