Originally Aired: October 18, 2006
Written by: Tina Fey
Directed by: Adam Bernstein

Summary: One erratic star (Tracy Morgan), one neurotic star (Jane Krakowski), and a meddlesome boss (Alec Baldwin) create panic in the writers room - Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) must now face her writers and keep “The Girlie Show” from falling apart as her new boss, Jack Donaghy forces creative changes to her show and the writing staff and cast learn how to deal with new star Tracy Jordan’s antics. But, despite, his erratic behavior, Tracy may be the one who unexpectedly pulls the cast and writers together.

Quotes:

Liz: A lot of people are still upset about Tracy joining the show.
Jack: Well that’s not my problem, I have a lot of things on my plate. Did you hear about that chemical factory explosion outside Colorado Springs?
Liz: No.
Jack: Good.

Tracy: How do you feel NBC tour? Cause you look good like a solid gold candy bar.

Jack: Stop, stop, stop, stop, It’s only Jenna.

Pete: I’m just surprised he’s still got his shirt….oh there it goes.

Tracy: Jack! Haha! Oh my goodness, it’s good to see you again brother, it’s good to see you.
Jack: Oh, that is fantastic. You’re going to have to teach me that handshake one day.

Tracy: Come one Jack, now you know I’m the kid, I’m easy like Sunday morning. (to crew:) Don’t look at me. Do not look at me in the eyes.
Jack: Do not look at Mr. Jordan. Do not look at him in the eye.

Liz: Tracy, this is our producer, Pete.
Tracy: Hey, you smoke weed, right Pete?
Pete: uh….no.
Tracy: Hehe, me neither. Me and you Pete, me and you.

Jack: Pete, good to see you.
Pete: Is it? Oh. Good. Good to see you too, cause that means I’m not fired anymore. I wasn’t going to mention that. But I did, and now I’m talking about it.
Jack: Relax your balls Pete.

Tracy: Don’t just sit there, come over here and give me some sugar.
Cerie: No thank you.
Tracy: Well if you ever want to piss off your parents, you come see me.

Jack: Right this way Tracy. This is Tim Grandi, he’s from Buoy, Maryland. Rachel Bay, she just got engaged. Josh Girard, got a 760 on his SAT, graduated form Suni Courtland. Frank Rossitano owns every copy of Black Tail Magazine ever published. JD Lutz, thyroid problem. James Spurlock, but we call him Toofer, because with him you get a two for one, he’s a black guy and a Harvard guy. And of course you know Lemon.
Liz: How’d you do that?
Jack: It’s my job.
(Flash back to looking at pictures.)
Jack: Jerry, from set design. Wally, cuecards. Rupert Murdock. Malinda Gates. Ziggy from the cartoon Ziggy. Anthony Pelacano. Heidi Klum. The guy that sleeps with Heidi Klum.

Tracy: I’m excited to be here. It’s an honor for you to meet me. I’ve got a lot of characters I’m ready to bust out. I’ve got a character named Biscuit. Write that up. I’ve got another character named Rolondo, who’s a two foot tall Spanish Hustler. Glasses, I want you to write that one. I’ve got another character named Ching Chong, who likes to play ping pong. I just made that up right now.

Tracy: I’m up for anything.
Josh: Well I thought me and you could play Seinfeld and Bill Cosby.
Tracy: No. I don’t like that.

Jenna: Did you know that he once got arrested for walking naked though La Guardia. And that he once fell asleep on Ted Danson’s roof.
Liz: Tracy has some mental health issues.
Jenna: He bit Dakota Fanning on the face.
Liz: When you hear his version, she was kind of asking for it.

Liz: How could you change the name of my show without telling me. The Girlie Show is not TGS with Tracy Jordan!?
Jack: It tested very well with the focus groups.
(Flashback to a focus group.)
Jack: If you say you like it you can have some pizza. You people like pizza?

Jack: Oh sure, then we can sit around and braid each others hair until we get our periods together.

Jack: It’s your show. You have the tools. Now get out there and build a house, add on a pool and throw yourself in the deep end.
Liz: What if I can’t swim?
Jack: Then I’ll do what my father did when I was two. Lure you to the edge of the pool with a puppy, a push you in.
Liz: Yikes.

Tracy: So I said, ‘Rick, this chick’s got an adam’s apple.’ And Rick said to me, I’ll never forget this, he said ‘freaky deakies need love too. Freaky deakies need love too.’

Tracy: So how are you doing over there, Theo Huckstable?
Toofer: I’m doing good.
Tracy: Nah ah, Superman does good, your doing well. You need to study your grammar, son.
Frank: Wow, that was embarrassing for you.

Tracy: Hi I’m Tracy Jordan. I’m black NBC. Very proud, like peacocks. Right Janet? I think we got it! I think we got it.
Jack: Yeah, I think we do.

Jenna: Why do you love him so much?
Liz: No no no. I don’t love him. Donaghy loves him, that’s it. Pete can’t stand him. Toofer thinks he’s an idiot. Even Cerie says he’s a pig.
Jenna: Frank likes his movies.
Liz: Yeah Frank also loves that video of the monkey smelling his own butt. Nobody wants Tracy Jordan here, except for certified non-genius Jack Donaghy.
Kenneth: Sorry to interrupt, Ms. Maroney, but the sound guys want their microphone back.
Liz: So everyone can…
Kenneth: Hear everything your saying, yes mam.
Jenna: Oh my god, I didn’t use the N-word, did I?
Kenneth: Oh no no no Ms. Maroney, you did not.
Jenna: Oh good, I mean I never would, but…
Liz: Jenna! Take the mike off!

Liz: Oh my god, that was bad, right?
Pete: It wasn’t great.

Cerie: Jack Donaghy wants to see you.
Liz: No no no, tell him I’m very busy.
Cerie: Come in, she’s very busy.

Liz: Mr. Donaghy, I sincerely apologize. I am so embarrassed.
Jack: Well I guess you must be embarrassed if you hiding in the storage closet.
Liz: This is my office.
Jack: -scoffs- really? I see you bring a little feminine magic to everything you touch.

Liz: Toofer’s just scared of black people.
Tracy: Which one’s Toofer?
Liz: The black guy.

Kenneth: Ms. Lemon, I just want to let you know y’all on the monitors right now.
Liz: So everyone can…
Kenneth: Hear you and see you, yes mam.

Jenna: Paranoid? Well that confirms all my suspicions.

Liz: (to writers) Hey buddies. Alright, I deserve that. But I didn’t say anything I wouldn’t have said to your faces.

Liz: Are we going to talk about this like adults or you just going to throw things at me. (Throws things) All right. Ok fine, get it out of your system… Nothing that plugs in you guys! Nothing that can really hurt me!

Jack: How are things in the deep end?

Liz: We got to do something.
Tracy: Lets crash my car to see if the airbags go on.

Liz: That’s because Donaghy through me into the deep end of a pool I didn’t even want to build in the first place.

Liz: You have a yacht?
Tracy: I got a yacht. I got a solid gold jet ski, two Bat-mobiles, the AIDS monkey’s balls…

Tracy: I’ve taken this boat many places. Miami, Tokyo, Denver.

Tracy: I read your interview in Amtrack Magazine.
Jenna: Really? You saw that? Did you know that all the writers in that are also conductors?

Frank and Toofer are watching Cerie dance with Kenneth
Frank: That is just wasteful.

Cerie: Is that a real song?

Tracy: Griz! Don’t wreck this boat!
Liz: Grizz is driving this boat?
Tracy: Don’t worry, he was in the Navy.

Frank: I got one! I got one. Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Cosby.
Josh: What’s the deal with pudding?
Tracy: I’m Bill Cosby. Jello. Sweaters.

Liz: Tracy, thank you so much for doing this. You totally saved me
Tracy: You don’t have to thank me Lemon, we’re a team now. Like Batman and Robin. Like chicken and a chicken container.

Maria: Por favor. No me dueles! Me llamo Maria. Please call. Ted and Nancy Peabody. You tell, Whodat Ninja is on the boat!
Liz: What are you saying?
Maria: Tracy Jordan is on the boat! He no see me! I hidded from him! I hide from him!

Liz: It’s not his boat!

Jack: Everyone really loved your little lemon party.

Liz: I guess now I just have to read about how Tracy Jordan tried to steal a boat?
Jack: No I took care of that. The Peabody’s will be given some free rides in the NBC jet. There won’t be anything in the papers at all.

Jenna: Did you see me in the Post?! Oh my God! It’s so embarrassing! Look how thin I look! And look how many e-mail I’ve gotten. It’s not even 8AM in LA.

Ratings: 3.9/6 5.71 Million Viewers. 66th

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