Originally Aired: February 1, 2007
Written by: Kay Cannon & Tina Fey
Directed by: Don Scardino

Summary: Liz (Tina Fey) wonders if she’s actually on a date with Jack (Alec Baldwin) as she accompanies him to a birthday celebration for a foreign prince (guest star Paul Reubens). While at the ball, Liz sees a different side to Jack as he unexpectedly runs in to his ex-wife (guest star Isabella Rossellini). Back at 30 Rock, Tracy (Tracy Morgan) tempts Pete (Scott Adsit) with a booze- and babe-filled party in the office, while Kenneth the Page (Jack McBrayer) tries to keep Pete on the straight and narrow. Will Forte of “Saturday Night Live” also guest stars and Jane Krakowski, Judah Friedlander, Keith Powell, Lonny Ross and Rachel Dratch also star.

Quotes:

Josh: You’re mama is so stupid, she thinks an iMac, is a new hamburger at McDonalds.
Liz: Ok, I got one. What’s the difference between your mama and washing machine? When I drop a load in the washing machine, it doesn’t follow me around for a week.
Jack: Lemon, can I speak with you alone for a minute.
Liz: That’s what your sister said to me last night! Booyah!

Jack: I’m inviting you to the social event of the season.
Liz: I don’t know Jack, will I have to wear high heeled shoes?
Jack: Yes.

Jack: You’re even wearing lipstick?
Liz: No their just really chapped.

Liz: Ok fine I’ll do it! But I’m not going to like it.
Jack: That’s what your mom said to me last night! Booyah!
Liz: That was surprising.

Pete: [On phone with his kid doing an Elmo impersonation] Elmo wants you to aim your pee at the potty. No not at mommy, at the potty. How’s that Elmo’s fault?! Did mommy have some wine before she called Elmo?

Tracy: I love my wife. I love her. We’re a team. That’s why 8 times a week I go to strip club.

Kenneth: Great shoving Mr. Jordan.

Jenna: It’s always been my dream to meet and marry a prince, like a modern day Cinderella story.
Liz: Maybe I’m Cinderella this time.
Jenna: No, Liz, Cinderella is blonde. You can be Snow White and party with the little people.

Liz: Is this a date?
Jack: [laughs] Lemon, I’ve date socialites and models and actresses, Liz Hurley, in the 90’s.

Liz: How did you get in here?
Jenna: Oh Liz, if you dress well and enter with confidence you can get in anywhere.
Liz: You showed the security guard your boobs, didn’t you?
Jenna: Just one. It’s not the White House.

Jenna: Oh I’m sorry, when I’m the queen of Australia, I’ll have him executed.
Liz: Austria.
Jenna: Yeah, that’s what I said.

Gerhardt: Thank you. Thank you all dear friends. FOR COMING TO MY BIRTHDAY!

Gerhardt: 7:45 and I’m still awake.

Jack: That Gerhardt is amazing isn’t he? I mean most people in his situation would be angry with his family for centuries of inbreeding. But not Gerhardt, he’s too busy staving off infections.

Liz: She’s gorgeous, and surprisingly age appropriate.

Jack: The party of the year that women turns up and I’m all alone.
Liz: Thanks.

Jack: This is my live in girlfriend, Lemon.
Liz: Elizabeth.
Jack: Elizabeth.

Bianca: Congratulations Johnny, she’s much sharper than the last girl your had, what was her name?
Jack: Beyonce.
Liz: And unlike the rest of Jack’s girlfriends I have all my original parts.

Jenna: I need your help. I’ve been asked to dine with His Majesty.
Liz: Well if you’re looking to sneak out the window, it doesn’t open. I already tried it.
Jenna: Should I say I’m still a virgin?
Liz: Wait you’re actually considering this?

Liz: You’ve already made up your mind about this, haven’t you?
Jenna: Oh, you’re right, Liz! I should go for it!
Liz: You’re not even listening, are you? Poop. Monkey butt.
Jenna: No, you’re a good friend and thank you.

Tracy: Take care of that dude [Pete]. That there’s my friend. Saved my life while when was in Desert Storm. Our tank broke down. Killed 14 Germans so we could get the hell out of there.

Girl: You’re name sounds Jewish. You must be important.

Liz: Hey, are you going to come sit down. Cause they put out lobster tails, and I want to eat yours.

Jack: Isn’t she beautiful?
Liz: Yeah what happened there?
Jack: I just couldn’t keep up with her, on every level. Socially it was a different party a different charity event every night. I had to keep my tuxedo in my glove compartment. Sexually, she wanted it four or five times a day, always standing up.
Liz: [laughs] Sanding up? What? How does that even work?

Liz: Are they in? They’re not out right?

Jenna: Gerhardt, would you like to dance?
Gerhardt: Sadly because my body does not produce joint fluid, I cannot.

Gerhardt: Jazz! Tap! Jitter Bug! Charleston! Interpretive! Twirl! Twirl again! Keep twirling!

Kenneth: Do you remember the movie Footloose? Where those evil kids won in the end? You’re going to make a mistake tonight.
Tracy: You’re going to make a mistake tonight!
Kenneth: Remember the vows you and your wife made in that church.
Pete: Botanical Garden.
Kenneth: Botanical garden. You promised fidelity.
Tracy: Lick her face!
Kenneth: Think of god!

Jenna: You’re 25?
Gerhardt: Yes! Can you believe it? Finally old enough to rent a car! AAAAAHH AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! It feels good to laugh.

Bianca: You can actually make him happy. And that, makes me want to sit on a knife!
Liz: Wow.
Bianca: I hate seeing Johnny happy!

Gerhardt: Knowing I have the love of a beautiful woman, has made me free!
Jenna: I think you just lost an eyebrow.

Gerhardt: Thank you dear Jenna, and good bye.
Jenna: Goodbye? Why goodbye?
Tomas: Who let him drink champagne? He cannot metabolize the grapes? Someone call Dr. Spaceman!

Tomas: The Hapsburg line has ended. You can pick up your gift bags at the coat check.

Liz: Thanks for a fun evening. I’m sorry you’re friend died.
Jack: When Gerhardt was born, the doctor told his mother and cousin that he would either live for 15 minutes or 100 years. Boy, he proved them all wrong.

Jack: Just to know she’s filled with bile over me warms my heart.

Jack: Lemon, I want to thank you, for showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age.
Liz: I’m twelve years younger than you.
Jack: A woman your age then.

Jack: I had “lunch” with Martha Stewart and “dinner” with her daughter Alexis.
Liz: Wha? Gross.

Ratings: 3.6/5 5.71 Million Viewers. Weekly Rank: 69th

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