Originally Aired: February 15, 2007
Written by: Tina Fey
Directed by: Adam Bernstein

Summary: After being a bit harsh on Lutz (John Lutz) in the writer’s room, Liz (Tina Fey) overhears him criticizing her iron-fisted management. Realizing she has to be more lenient with her staff, Liz adopts a more lax leadership style. Meanwhile, Jack (Alec Baldwin) takes Tracy (Tracy Morgan) along to an exclusive GE charity golf event, but Jack’s hope of using Tracy to get closer to Don Geiss, the GE CEO (special guest star Rip Torn) may backfire when Tracy acts a little too much like his uncensored self amongst the corporate big wigs. Scott Adsit, Jack McBrayer, Judah Friedlander, Keith Powell and Rachel Dratch also star.

Quotes:

Jack: Come on in Tracy.
Tracy: Is this about the little red headed intern? Cause she asked me to take it out.

Jack: I wanted to invite you to join me a charity golf tourney that Don Geiss is hosting at his country club in Old Sadebrook.
Tracy: I’m not familiar with about half the words in that sentence.
Jack: How about you come to me to a big party in Connecticut and meet Don Geiss.
Tracy: Is that they gay guy from Project Runway.
Jack: No. He’s the CEO of this corporation. The big man.
Tracy: The dude from my checks?
Jack: The dude from your checks.

Liz: Hey false alarm, it turns out she asked him to take it out.

Jack: Being in a foursome with this man will change your life.
Liz: You might want to rephrase that.

Frank: I stayed up all night watching a Designing Women marathon. At first I liked it. Then I hated it. Then I liked it again. Then I got horny. And then I fell asleep.

Lutz: Hey what about my Dancing with the Hobos Sketch?
Liz: I didn’t like it two weeks ago when it was Americas Next Top Hobo. Or two months ago when it was Hobo Eye for the Straight Guy.
Lutz: Deal or no Hobo?

Kenneth: Well Grace it’s been a pleasure talking to you. [she kisses him on the cheek] Grace Park, you know this can’t happen. We’re pages!

Kenneth: I just don’t want to disgrace the peacock.
Pete: Oh, Kenneth, if you’re worried about disgracing the National Broadcasting Company, you’re too late.

Kenneth: Look, Grace, these is obviously incredibly awkward for the both of us, but let’s just try to be professional. I like your peacock earrings. Dah gonnit! Grace, I just don’t know myself around you.

Jack: Has Don Geiss arrived yet?
Kenneth: No sir, but if you’d like we can work out a signal so I can let you know when he does arrive, like [makes peacock noise].
Jack: That won’t be necessary.
Kenneth: I’ll probably just do it anyways.

Liz: Look at these guys! [picks up kitten]
Greta: They like you. They’re very good at sensing debilitating loneliness in a person. Maybe you want to adopt one.
Liz: Oh I can’t. I’m allergic to anything warm and adorable.

Lutz: I’m sick of it. I’m doing my job and she just shoots me down in front of everybody. I don’t care if she’s my boss, Liz is a grade A…
Greta: Runt!
Liz: What?
Greta: This kitten, he’s such a runt. I’m gonna name your Runty, you’re a little raging little runt. Come one Runty!

Tracy: You need to hook me up with one of them helicopters.
Executive: Absolutely, I’ll be happy to arrange for you to take a ride.
Tracy: No I don’t want to get in it. I want to blow it up and run away from it in slow motion.

Executive: Pleasure to have met you.
Tracy: Damn straight. I’m delightful!

Liz: We need to fire Lutz.
Pete: What why? What happened?
Liz: He called me the worst name ever?
Frank: What did he call you?
Liz: I’m not going to repeat it. That’s how much I hate it.
Pete: Fat-Can?
Liz: No.
Frank: Mouth Hooker?
Liz: No.
Frank: Monster Bits?
Pete: Hatchet Face?
Liz: No, the one that rhymes with your favorite Tom Rundgren album.
Frank: It rhymes with “Hermit of Mink Hallow?”

Liz: Don’t tell me to calm down, you Fundark!
Pete: Yeah, you’re right, it doesn’t work.

Jack: Tomorrow I’m going to be in an intense foursome with three other men, and Don Geiss is going to get all my attention.

Tracy: You know the Army’s been messing with the sun. That’s why I keep my junk covered. You know once that stuff gets in your hen, you’re done.

Geiss: This guy spends so much time in the sand that his nick name should be Fallujah.
Jack: [Laughs]
Tracy: Ha ha. That’s humorous. How come you don’t hire more black people around here?
Geiss: Beg your pardon?
Tracy: How come there’s no black people here? Black people can’t make lightbulbs?

Tracy: So I’m supposed to be your funny black man who says funny things?
Jack: No, I wanted you to discuss your astounding medical breakthroughs.
Tracy: Ok. Bartender, can you bring me a mustang melon and bag of BBQ chips, cause apparently I’m only here to be a stereotype.

Tracy: Son, I wasn’t joking about those chips.

Liz: I’m a nice person, you bald, gangly…I’m gonna try harder.

Kenneth: I studied TV theory at Kentucky Mountain Bible College.
Tracy: I studied fried chicken at the school of hard knocks.

Liz: This isn’t Hitler’s bunker. That would make me Hitler. What? This is the new me, do you like the new me? And before you answer, Superballs!

Tracy: Would you like me to do a tap dance for you and your big time friends, Mr. Jack? Or I can run around while you all throw rocks at me.

 

Jack: What are you doing?
Tracy: Payback. For the way your treated me. You used me me!
Jack: God, It’s like dating Katie Couric all over again. I didn’t use you, I created a situation that could have been mutually beneficial and you blew it.

 

Tracy: If you can’t handle Tracy Jordan, don’t invite Tracy Jordan.

Jack: No no, you were a movie star. You haven’t gotten a movie made in over two years. And you know why? Because of your truth bombs. Remind me Tracy, what did you tell the president of Warner Brothers?
Tracy: I told him he could suck it.
Jack: And the president of Paramount?
Tracy: I told her she could kiss my delicious ass.
Jack: [Chuckles] And how’s that working for you?

Jack: We could be playing golf with guys like Don Giess instead of Ted, who’s best know for being caught using a corporate credit card at a gay strip club.
[To Ted’s wife] I’m sorry Amanda, you were bound to find out eventually.

Geiss: Tracy, bring your daughter.
Tracy: That’s a deal.
Jack: Congratulations Tracy, and welcome to the grown up world.
Tracy: Yeah, I don’t have a daughter.
Jack: Let’s have a casting session on Monday.

Kenneth: Grace, there is something that I must say to you, but my words cannot service, so to quote Mr. Jerry McGwire, “You make me a complete person.”
Grace: When you said hello, you had me.

Jack: Good morning Lemon.
Liz: Hey Jack, come on!
Jack: Did you stay up all night?
Liz: How could you tell?
Jack: This is the men’s room.

Liz: Did you win your golf parade?
Jack: Even better, next weekend Tracy and I are going to double team Don Geiss with our big ideas.
Liz: You’re so weird

Liz: I have to yell at my staff, cause I’m not just feminine, I can also project my power.

Liz: Listen up everybody. Listen to me. Listen! There will be no more baked goods. No more walking all over me. I was here all night doing your work. And at 3:30 this morning, I happened to see this episode of Designing Women. And when it came on again at 5:30, I taped it. And I want you all to watch very closely because it sums up so perfectly what I want to say to you.
[Fumbles with VCR]
Liz: What do I hit? Input?
Pete: Is there a TV/VCR button?
Liz: What is AUX?
Frank: Hey, can I go now?

Liz: I want to say something to all of you. I am the boss here. And sometimes that’s going to make me unpopular. But the point is, I know what you called me Lutz.
Lutz: Oh I’m sorry I said that. Please don’t make me move back to Alaska, Liz. I hate it there.
Liz: You can stay. But if you ever, if any of you ever call me that horrible word again, I will fire you! And you will never alter drapes in Atlanta again! Because you do not cross a Sugarbaker woman! [cries] I’m sorry. I’m just so tired.

Ratings: 3.3/5 5.01 Million Viewers. Weekly Rank: 86th

«1.13 - Up All Night

1.15 - Hardball»