Originally Aired: March 8, 2007
Written by: Jack Burditt
Directed by: Dennie Gordon

Summary: Jack (Alec Baldwin) helps his down-and-out brother Eddie (Guest Star Nathan Lane) with a job at ‘TGS’ – but can the staff handle two Donaghys? Meanwhile, Liz (Tina Fey), forced to make staff cutbacks, wonders if axing NBC lawyer Floyd’s (Guest Star Jason Sudeikis) girlfriend, Other Liz (Guest Star Anna Chlumsky) would look desperate. Tracy (Tracy Morgan) seeks spiritual fulfillment – at his lawyer’s request – with the aid of Kenneth the Page (Jack McBrayer). Jane Krakowski, Scott Adsit, Judah Friedlander, Lonny Ross, Keith Powell, Katrina Bowden and Rachel Dratch also star. With Special Guest Stars Jason Sudeikis and Molly Shannon.

Quotes:

Jenna: What class do you want to take?
Liz: Oh, anything that doesn’t have the words strip, salsa or beats with a z in the name of it.
Jenna: Cardio hip-hop groove it is then!

Floyd: Hey I hope you don’t sweat on you.
Liz: you can sweat on me…

Floyd: This is my girl Friend Liz Lemler.
Liz: Hi!
Floyd: That’s Liz Lemon.
Other Liz: Oh the girl who got my flowers. I hope you enjoyed them.
Liz: I did. Actually, I finally just threw them out this morning. Cause they got that really bad flower smell. I just couldn’t stop smelling them…

Instructor: Don’t give up ponytail!

Jack: Lemon, come here you got to see this. It’s a video of a baby panda sneezing. Don’t watch the mother. Just the baby…
Liz: That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!
Jack: Isn’t it adorable? You have to fire 10% of your staff.

Liz: No I don’t think I can do that. Everyone that works at this show is indispensable.
*Jack opens door*
Writing Staff: Marco! Polo! Marco! Polo!
Frank: Josh, you suck at this game!

Liz: 10 percent? I can’t fire any of these people!
Pete: Who cares? Getting fired is better than getting killed by my wife. …Those big farm people hands crushing my windpipe.
Liz: Everything ok at home, buddy?

Pete: Remember that little secret I told you about Hornberger family planning.
Liz: You mean that you flat out lied about having a vasectomy? Don’t tell me that backfired.
Pete: She’s late now. And she’s starting to ask questions.
Liz: Oh boy. Do you need a key to my apartment.
Pete: Just for my own safety.

Tracy: Liz lemon, do you know where I can find a good church?
Liz: How good, like Judaism good or just like Unitarian?

Tracy: I believe the moon doesn’t exist. I believe vampires are the world’s best golfers, but their curse is that they never get to prove it. I believe there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Sorry, what was the question again?

Tracy: So what’s your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me.

Liz: Can I help you?
Eddie: Yeah sweetheart, I’m looking for Jack Donahy.
Liz: And you are?
Eddie: Eddie Donahy, Jack’s brother.
Liz: Really? ‘Cause Jack never mentioned a brother, and his name is Donaghy, not Donahy.
Eddie: You know you could be pretty if you didn’t scowl so much.
Liz: Tracy, this is Jack’s brother, Eddie.

Jack: Eddie Donaghy. As I live and breathe. [lunges at him] YOU’RE A DISGRACE!!!

Jack: You ruined my suit!
Eddie: Aw, shut up you baby!!

Jack: I haven’t seen my dad in seventeen years. I haven’t seen Eddie since I bailed him out of Disney jail. And now this watch…
Liz: I’m sorry.
Jack: Don’t be. My dad and Eddie are a blotch on the Donahy name…DonaGhy name. That’s how it’s pronounced. Say it.
Liz: Donaghy.

Tracy: I really appreciate you bringing me to your church Ken.
Kenneth: Hola Julio!

Kenneth: No, we are the Eighth Day Resurrected Covenant of the Holy Trinity; we haven’t been Presbyterian for months.
Tracy: and y’all always meet on Wednesday nights?
Kenneth: Yeah, we lose half the congregation every time American idol starts up.

Reverend Gary: How will you be seen in his eyes?!
Tracy: What?! He pointed right at me!
Kenneth: He sure did!
Tracy: Noooooooooooo!

Jenna: Hi! I got you coffee. Oh! I forgot your muffin, banana walnut, your favorite.
Liz: Umm, that is not correct, but ok.

Liz: Nice hat, you haven’t heard anything about layoffs have you?
Frank: What? No! And even if I had, I’m just being normal…gosh!

Cerie: Hey Liz, you wanna hang out tonight, ‘cause you’re totally my role model. You make smart sexy.

Eddie: What do you care? I’m happy here. Gordon, so help me!

Eddie: I’ve got a real job now. I talk homeless people into joining the army.

Eddie: I know I’ve been nothing but trouble to you my entire life. Juvie, Jonestown, that time I punched Goofy. Hell, I even blinded with a bottle-rocket.
Jack: That was for a couple of lousy months, big deal. I had sex with your prom date.
Eddie: I stole your identity.
Jack: I threw you out a window.
Eddie: I convinced you you had lupus.
Jack: I microwaved your parakeet.
Eddie: I hated that bird!
Jack: We had so great times didn’t we?
Eddie: Yeah…

Floyd: Sorry about that. Not super appropriate for the workplace.
Liz: Nah, it’s only inappropriate with ugly people.

Liz: I KNOW WHO I CAN FIRE!

Pete: Hey Liz! Hey, you can’t fire the other Liz unless she’s in the bottom 10 percent.
Liz: Ugh, you can just tell she is by her stupid face.

Liz: I am the DECIDER!

Liz: I’m not going to just do anything. I have a plan. Step one: befriend the enemy and gather information. Then use the information to drive her into the bottom ten percent.
Pete: Good Lord. Your eyes. You look like that lady astronaut who tried to kidnap that other woman.
Liz: Hey, that was a lady with a plan. Diapers, mace, Houston to Orlando in nine hours. Blamo.
Pete: I know I’m the guy who lied to his wife about having a vasectomy, but this? This is wrong.
Liz: No, it’s not wrong. I’m just staying the course, and I am enjoying it! Jack is out of my hair, people are being nice to me, there’s a guy I like IN THE BUILDING and I have the authority to fire his girlfriend! For the first time ever, things are lining up for ole’ Liz Lemon.

Eddie: They never once said anything about the racist stuff towards the end.

Jenna: I’m so glad you asked. Kabala is a wonderful religion that mixes the fun part of Judaism with magic!
Tracy: So where do you worship?
Jenna: Where don’t you worship? My friend Madonna…
Tracy: Hey, Jack’s brother! What religion are you? Because this one sounds really expensive and gay.

Eddie: Well I’m Irish Catholic. Now, I know there’s been some controversy around the church lately, you know, because of the Da Vinci Code. But the great thing is you can anything, anything, and as long as you go to confession, it’s forgiven.
Tracy: I’m Irish Catholic.

Liz: Well well, other Liz. Played saxophone in the marching band at Rutgers. Kept that a secret from your employer didn’t ya?

Frank: You want us to give money? I’d be happy to! Heart of gold L.L.!
Josh: Is there a limit to how much we can give? I hope not.

Eddie: I bet pops looking down right now and saying, ‘If I could come back and do any broad, it would be that one right there.’
Liz: Ew.

Jack: …and this is Margaret. We just found out about her today.

Patricia: You know he was a wonderful father. Always ready with a joke or rum balls in his pocket for the kids…

Catherine-Catherine: Come here you magnificent douche bag!

Eddie: Actually, I’ve been clean and sober for 7 months.
[Donaghy family laughs.]

Liz Lemler: I mean I’m in a relationship right now, by then I’ll probably have a couple kids, be living in the suburbs, just having it all really.
Liz: You’re fired! I’m the decider!

Patricia: He was always bringing people together. He was just like Lady Di.

Jack: This is Margaret, we just found out about her today.
Eddie: Boy, she’s really got Mom’s smile doesn’t she?

Pete: You can’t do that Liz. I am going to tell human resources!
Liz: No, no you’re not! You’re fired!
Frank: Did you just fire Pete?
Liz: Yes! I’m going to put his name on a list and everything!

Accountant: The accounting department wishes to protest the firing of our collegue. Now we’ve discussed it and…
Liz: You’re fired! You’re all fired!

Jack: Lemon, the purpose of these cuts is to make us more efficient so we make more money. And the people who tell me if I’m making more money are called accountants. And if I don’t have any accountants!

Jack: Your happiness? Lemon, is this about a boy?!
Liz: Mmhmm.
Jack: Good God in Heaven. Who is he? What’s his name?
Liz: Flower Guy?
Jack: Lemon, you’ve gone chicken killer on me over a guy whose name you don’t know. And you still think our next president should be a woman?

Liz: He’s just a really cool guy and I think he likes me more than her.
Jack: That’s, really sad.

Liz: I’m going to go talk to some food about this.

Liz: C.A.S.H. Son of a bitch!
Cerie: Eddie already took the other box.

Jack’s Father: Son.
Jack: Dad?
Jack’s Father: Your brother Eddie’s dead. He wanted you to have his watch.

Jack: When I think of all the things I’ve been holding in that I’ve wanted to say to you. Well I’m going to let St. Patrick and St. Michael do the talking for me.
Jack’s Father: You’ll have to get through Tip O’Neill and Bobby Sands.
Eddie: You call those fist names? Say hello to Bono and Sandra Day O’Connor.
Jack: Those are the stupidest fist names I’ve ever heard!

Patricia: Daddy’s not dead! Eddy, you lying sack of crap!

Liz: What are you doing? You can’t fight in front of my audience!
Katherine Cahterine: What do you think you’re better than me!? [punches liz]

Jack: Lemon? Are you ok?
Liz: I want you to punch your sister in the face.

Jack: I was impressed by how you take a punch, Lemon.
Liz: I played dead for the worst of it, but it didn’t fool your family.
Jack: It sure didn’t. The whole thing was strangely reassuring, though. To know that they’ll be there after I’m dead fighting over my corpse before it’s cryogenically frozen.

Liz: Where’s Eddie now?
Jack: I gave him and my dad a 3 day head start out of love, and sportsmanship.

Liz: As always, it has been a pleasure fighting with you.
Jack: Oh, I had to rehire that Liz Lemler that you fired.
Liz: Ok.
Jack: And I didn’t want any more trouble with her, so I had to give her a promotion, too.
Liz: Fantastic.
Jack: it’s an amazing opportunity out at Corporate Headquarters.
Liz: In Connecticut? She’s transferred to Connecticut?
Jack: Yes, that’s right. It seems that once again things are lining up once again for ole’ Liz Lemon. And you say?
Liz: Thank you, Jack.
Jack: You’re welcome.

Liz: I hear your girlfriend got transferred. Sorry.
Floyd: Yeah, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
Pete: Liz! You forgot to give me the key to your place and I need it. My wife knows about our little secret. I don’t know how she found out. Oh God, I should have just gotten the vasectomy!
Liz: Let me explain…

Ratings: 3.3/5 5.15 Million Viewers. Weekly Rank: 83th

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