Originally Aired: April 12, 2007
Written by: John Riggi
Directed by: Don Scardino

Summary: The tables have turned inside 30 Rock: Liz (Tina Fey) is actually happy in her new relationship with Floyd (Special Guest Star Jason Sudeikis) while Jack (Alec Baldwin) finds his job may be in jeopardy after his televised fireworks fiasco prompts top GE man Don Geiss (Special Guest Star Rip Torn) to warn he’s got his eye on Jack’s performance. Tracy (Tracy Morgan) vies for Geiss’ attention, hoping to turn his feature film idea for “Jefferson” into a reality. Jane Krakowski, Jack McBrayer, Scott Adsit, Lonny Ross, Keith Powell, Judah Friedlander, Katrina Bowden and Rachel Dratch also star.

Quotes:

Frank: Your face. It’s like your happy or something.
Liz: I am happy Frank.
Frank: Cause of that dude you’re donking?
Liz: Floyd? Yes! He just gets me.

Liz: Reverse reverse skip skip draw four!
Floyd: Oh hell no!

Frank: So if you ever need someone to come over and videotape you guys doin’ it or whatever. I can make room in my schedule.
Liz: Thanks Frank.
Frank: You’re welcome. No judgment.

Don Geiss: Look at those eyes. Sharp. Like a panther.

Don Geiss: Got stung by a jellyfish. I’ve got a welt on my ass the size of a red delicious apple.

Don Geiss: As my old man always said, “If you try, you win”. And he was a hell of a garbage man.

Don Geiss: I’m going to see Tracy Jordan. He is funny. What’s the film where he turned into a do?
Jack: Uh, “Fat Bitch,” sir.
Don Geiss: That’s it! That’s an excellent film.

Jack: (Looking at the microwave) I’m sorry I let you down.

Tracy: Thank you for agreeing to meet with me Don Geiss. Would you like some grenadine or some fried rice?

Tracy: Did you know he had a lisp? “Whath’s up thstupid jerkths. I’m Thomaths Jefferthson!”

Tracy: We’re going to need 5 Million to do this right.

Liz: Oh Lutz! That’s ok, I’m just glad you’re here! You’ve got a face like a baby’s bottom. Boop!
Frank: I hate it when you are in a good mood. It makes me feel unsafe. Like when my mom used to make daiquiris and sing Tanya tucker songs.
Liz: That sounds awesome.

Kenneth: Ms. Lemon, Mr. Donaghy would like to see you. He’s across the street at Christie’s Auction House.
Liz: Oh Brother…
Frank: What’s this?
Liz: Jack goes to Sbarro when he’s angry, the New York Stock Exchange when he’s horny and Christie’s auction house when he’s depressed.

Jack: You’ve been avoiding me Lemon.
Liz: How do you do that without turning around?
Jack: To be perfectly honest the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

Jack: Yeah that was her engagement ring. You know I took the money from the sale of those pieces, and I bought a sailboat. And I named it after my ex-wife. And I sank it.
Liz: It’s true. The Bianca blows is somewhere at the bottom of the Paconic Bay.

Jack: I wish I were a horse. Strong. Free. My chestnut haunches glistening in the sun.
Liz: Are you ok?

Jack: I’m not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and your left-handedness.

Liz: His name is Floyd.
Jack: That’s unfortunate.

Tracy: He wants me to do Fat Bitch 2 instead.
Kenneth: Well that doesn’t even make sense. Everyone knows Fat Bitch died at the end.
Tracy: That’s not the kind of stuff I want to do anymore, Ken. I want to be taken seriously. What should I do?
Kenneth: Well remember when Fat Bitch called all her dog friends together. And they used their high pitched howling to mess up…
Tracy: You’re right, Ken. I should make my own Jefferson trailer and show it to Don Geiss.

Kenneth: I’m never going to finish this bikini before Nana’s birthday.

Tracy: Liz Lemon, you are my Alexander Hamilton.
Liz: I don’t know what that means.

Liz: Jack wrote a book?
Floyd: Yeah. Jack Attack: The Art of Aggression in Business. Oh no. He got here before us. You’re not supposed to let that happen. That’s chapter 2 in the book.

Jack: The only other Floyd I ever knew was this Korean barber who used to cut my hair down in the 50^th street subway station.
Floyd: That’s my dad, I’m Floyd Jr.

Floyd: With all due respect to Mr. Geiss, I got to say he’s making a terrible mistake. This companies stability in the small appliance market is in large part your doing. The dedicated popcorn setting on your microwave was the imagination break through of 1995. In 2002 you increased corporate earnings by 3% while the rest of the country suffered though a recession.
Liz: And Attack of the Clones, which was seriously the worst of the Star Wars…
Floyd: One sec, Liz. And on a personal note sir, the Foo Fighers song Best of You is about your managerial skills.
Jack: Lemon, I want to kiss your boyfriend on the mouth.
Floyd: Chapter 12! I thought you were going to do it!

Jack: What are you drinking?
Floyd: Club Soda.
Jack: Oh that’s a shame.

Tracy: Hey Liz Lemon! Could you go away for a while, I have to get rid of Freddy’s erection.

Tracy: It’s the reason God put me on this Earf.
Liz: I’ll take you off this Earf.

Phoebe: The overwhelming violence of the subject matter is in deliberate juxtaposition with the pastoral beauty of the terrain.
Liz: Jack, Tracy put a horse in my office.

Phoebe: Hello, you probably don’t remember me. I’m Phoebe, we met the other day.
Liz: Oh yeah I remember you. I’m Liz.
Phoebe: Sorry. I don’t shake hands. I have Avian Bone Syndrome. Hollow Bones.

Jack: Which one of these two do you like?
Liz: They’re both beautiful. They look just like the one crapping in my office. Did you tell Tracy he could use the crew to make a trailer for his crazy movie?
Jack: Yes. How’s Floyd?
Liz: What? He’s fine.
Jack: You know I called him earlier we had a very nice chat. Did he mention that?
Liz: No he didn’t.
Jack: Oh he will.

Jack: He’s a good man the Floyd-ster.
Liz: Oh man, the Floyd-ster? Don’t give him a nickname before I do.

Jack: …The white horse. I was wondering if…[put hand on Phoebe’s shoulder] Oh did I hurt you?
Phoebe: Oh…just a little.

Frank: That horse ate your wig.
Tracy: Well stand guard by his rump and await it in his droppings.
Lutz: Or we could probably just go get a new wig.
Tracy: I like you young man; you shall run my university.

Liz: Is that lion eating the horse?
Jack: Perhaps. Or maybe it’s eating universal health care.

Liz: It’s kinda like you two are dating.

Floyd: Wow. You are bringin’ it.
Liz: Yeah. You like that? It’s got pockets. Are you into that? Oh, what’s this? A used Kleenex.
Floyd: I feel like I’m in a rap video.
Liz: Wait; let me turn on my humidifier. It’s so dry in here.
Floyd: I really don’t know how much more of this I can take.

Floyd: That’s not that impressive.

Floyd: He says goodnight. And sleep tight. And don’t let the…
Liz: Uh, give me that. “Jack. I have taken a sleeping pill because I have a big lawyer meeting…
Floyd: That’s what we call ‘em.
Liz: ”…in the morning. Floyd”. [reading text message]“Lemon is that you?”
Floyd: I always sign it “Floyd-ster”.

Liz: The call is coming from inside the house!

Jonathan: He tried to drop them off at your house last night, but someone pretended not to be home.

Jonathan: He seems very taken with Floyd. And you, of course.

Jefferson Trailer
Jefferson: Hoe that dirt, put your back into it.
Kenneth: Mr. Jefferson, the British have invaded!
Jefferson: Bring me my horse. Bring me Caratacus. You, come along.
Announcer: In a world without hope…
King George: Who are these Americans with their ridiculous ideas of freedom and equality?
Announcer: …one man would declare his independence for us all.
Announcer: He was a writer.
Jefferson: Eat that King George.
Announcer: Inventor.
Jefferson: I shall call it Susan.
Announcer: Jungle Fever-Haver.
Sally Hemmings: I am with child!
Jefferson: What?
Sally Hemmings: You free me and make me your wife?
Jefferson: I’m going to have to get back to you on that.
Announcer: Source award nominee: Tracy Jordan.
King George: Kill them! Kill them all!
Announcer: NAACP Image Award Presenter: Tracy Jordan. And Academy Award Watcher: Tracy Jordan. Is…
Jefferson: This is for you Don Geiss!
Announcer: Jefferson. Christmas 2008.
Jefferson: Now get my off this horse.

Don Geiss: Let’s talk about Fat Bitch 2.

Liz: Don’t you kind of fell like a third wheel, Jack.
Jack: [chuckles] Oh no Lemon, you’re the third wheel.
Liz: Excuse me?
Jack: It’s really quite simple. Men seek out the company of other men that they admire and want to be like. Floyd is me 20 years ago. I’m Don Geiss 30 years ago. 20 years from now, Floyd will be me, I will be Don Geiss, and Don Geiss will be dead.
Liz: Who thinks like that?
Jack: Men do. That’s why you’re the third wheel.

Liz: Just back off ok?
Jack: Lemon, are you telling me to stay away from your boyfriend? Not that I blame you, because I could take him away from you if I wanted to.

Jack: How about some kind of time share arrangement. You can have him Monday, Wednesday, Friday…
Liz: I don’t want Friday, we have a show. Why am I even having this conversation with you?!

Liz: Look at your life, Jack. It’s like this sky box. It’s fancy and it’s empty and it smells like crab cakes.

Dot Com: I’m gonna get an iPhone! Everyone’s gonna be jealous!
Tracy: No. I turned him down.
Grizz: It’s like a roller coaster ride of emotion in here.

Tracy: Now, first order of business. Get that dead horse out of my car.

Phoebe: You seem preoccupied.
Jack: Well it’s just… People don’t like fireworks any more. Were you aware of that? They took away the microwave division. I’m having terrible Lemon problems. I’m eating all the times. I mean who eats sixteen flautas after midnight?

Phoebe: Jack, Listen, if you’re still interested. There’s another piece I want to show you. You might enjoy it. I’ll need to take you back to the private office. This piece is very delicate. Few people have ever handled it.
Jack: Oh god, I hope we’re talking about the same thing.

Phoebe: Hello, I’m Phoebe. I don’t know if you remember me.
Liz: Yes. Phoebe. I remember you.

Jack: Phoebe, I want you to be my wife
Liz: Wait what?
Jack: Will you marry me?
Liz: No!
Phoebe: The ruby-diamond cluster.
Jack: I bought it back from the anonymous Arab.
Phoebe: How romantic! Ow…

Phoebe: Ow…

Phoebe: Careful! My bones!

Ratings: 3.4/5 5.07 Million Viewers. Weekly Rank: 74th

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