Originally Aired: October 4, 2007
Written by: Tina Fey
Directed by: Don Scardino

Summary: The gang at “30 Rock” returns from their summer hiatus. Liz’s (Tina Fey) excitement to be back and see Jack (Alec Baldwin) is quickly squashed when he tells her that despite what she thinks, she is not over Floyd. Jack also tells her about his plan for SeinfeldVision, which entails using NBC-owned footage from Seinfeld’s show and inserting him into NBC’s current shows. Jerry Seinfeld (Guest Star Jerry Seinfeld) shows up at Jack’s office upset about SeinfeldVision. Meanwhile, Jenna (Jane Krakowski) has gained weight over the summer after doing the musical, “Mystic Pizza: The Musical!” and Kenneth (Jack McBrayer) becomes Tracy’s (Tracy Morgan) office wife when Tracy‘s wife kicks him out. Jerry Seinfeld guest stars; Lonny Ross, Judah Friedlander, Scott Adsit, Keith Powell, Katrina Bowden and Maulik Pancholy also star.

Quotes:

Jack: I’m back, Lemon.  I’ve had the most productive summer of my life.
Liz: Me too!
Jack: All of my summer replacements shows were big hits; America’s Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger than a Dog?, MILF Island.
Liz: MILF Island?!
Jack: 25 super hot mom.  50 8^th grade boys.  No rules.
Liz: Oh yeah didn’t one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?
Jack: That doesn’t mean she’s not a wonderful and caring MILF.

Jack: I realized that NBC owns hundreds of hours of footage of Seinfeld from his massively successful television series Seinfeld.  So my own tech guys were able to digitally capture.

Detective Benson (Law and Order: SVU): If you didn’t kill her, why didn’t you stay?
Seinfeld: Quit grilling me!
Seinfeld Vision!
Seinfeld: Save Cheerleader, save the world.
Ando (Heroes): [Japanese] Save the Cheerleader, save the world.
Seinfeld: Yeah!  That’s what I said.
Seinfeld Vision!
Howie Mandel: Deal or No Deal?
Seinfeld: I’ll take that deal!

Liz: Does Jerry Seinfeld know you’re doing this.
Jack: Jerry’s in Europe with his family right now.  But by the time he gets back, Seinfeld Vision will be a monster hit, and kids will go to school and their friends will say “I really loved your dad in that episode of Medium last night.  And he’s… He’s gonna love it.”

Liz: Well I had a great summer too.  I started a quilt.  I did yoga twice a week.  I wore flip flops in public.  I really feel like this is going to be my year.

Jack: Lemon, if there’s two things I’m certain of; one is that you’ll never finish that quilt.
Liz: I know!
Jack: And you are not over Floyd.

Jack: Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled that the zoo than get married.
Liz: Good to see you!  Bye!  Glad we’re both doing so great.
Jack: Put Floyd’s name on your quilt!

Kenneth: Mr. Jordan’s wife kicked him out.
Tracy: She froze my credit cards, Liz Lemon!  And she got custody of Grizz!

Tracy: How many years have you known me, Liz Lemon?
Liz: One.
Tracy: So you know I like to minister to transvestite prostitutes!
Liz: I don’t think I knew that…no.

Tracy: You don’t have to live your life like this!  You can be a freaky deaky and do data entry!
Liz: Sure.
Tracy: What about court reporting?!  Believe in yourself!
Liz: Right.

Kenneth: They confused “shim” with Mrs. Jordan.  And they think she looks better here than at the 2004 Grammy’s.

Tracy: Who’s going to do my banking?  Who’s going to write my blogs?  Who’s going to do the cooking on taco Wednesdays?
Liz: Ok well Kenneth, you are now in charge of helping Tracy with any of the non-sexual things that Angie would do for him.
Tracy: So he’s like my office wife?
Liz: Sure, let’s go with that.

Tracy: Kenneth Parcell, would you take this ring, and sell it in the Jewish part of midtown and use the money to get us a Nintendo Wii?
Kenneth: Yes.  Yes!  1000 times Yes!

Jenna: Liz!  How was your summer?
Liz: Good.  Floyd and I…
Jenna: Cause my play was amazing!  There’s nothing like the thrill of doing a live show on Broadway.
[Mystic Pizza the Musical]
Jenna: You know Jo-jo, when life keeps handing you some anchovies, just cover them up with some extra cheese!  And make a Pizza!

Liz: Ah!  What happened to you?
Jenna: Do I look fat?  Liz, I had to eat 4 slices of pizza on stage at each performance.
Liz: Jenna that’s like 32 pieces of pizza a week!
Jenna: No, that can’t be right.  Liz, it’s like I flipped the eating switch and I can’t flip I back.  You have to help me.
Liz: Well how am I supposed to… Oh it’s worse from behind!

Jack: She needs to loose 30 pounds or gain 60.  Anything in between has no place on television.
Liz: I can’t believe I missed you.

Frank: Hey, Mr. Michelin, I love your tires.

Liz: Some of you maybe wondering what happened between me and my boyfriend Floyd this summer.  The answer is we did break up.  But I am doing fine.
Frank: Is Floyd the black one?

Cerie: I need to ask you guys something.
Jenna: Move away from me.  Don’t stand next to me.

Cerie: Now I have my something old!

Tracy: I couldn’t sleep at all last night.  Angie kept my Sharper Image White Noise and Aroma Therapy machine.  She knows I can’t sleep without the sound of the ocean and the smell of bacon.
Kenneth: Well hurry up and get your second wind, because I got our day all planned out.  We’ll start at Bed Bath and Beyond and get all the things you’ll need in here.  Then, an old friend of mine from college is having her baby shower out on Long Island, so we’ll swing by there.  And for dinner, I thought we could just stay in and have the rest of the soup that I made yesterday.
Tracy: I’m not doing any of that.
Kenneth: Ok.  Fine.  I went with you to your Black Vampire movie.  But I guess I’ll just tell my friends that you have a migraine.
Tracy: Great compromise office wife.

Seinfeld: Hey, you know where I could find Jack Donaghy?
[Kenneth squeaks]

[Kenneth hums Seinfeld theme]
Seinfeld: Really?

Liz: Weddings are so weird; this veil costs more than my couch.
Cerie: Is that comedy or do you really have a 300 dollar couch.
Liz: Both.

Jack: Does he look upset?
Jonathan: He looks they way you did when I tried to hold your hand on the jet.

Jenna: Oh my god, if I cover my good eye, you look just like Courtney Cox.

Seinfeld: Everybody’s summer good?
Liz: Oh mine was great.  I read like 2 books.  I broke up with my boyfriend but I’m doing great.  I’m totally over it.
Seinfeld: Mmhm.  Still talking?
Liz: Oh no.  I haven’t talked to him since, oh I don’t know, August 9^th.  4:17 PM?

Seinfeld: It’s not over until you pick up the phone you say “I don’t love you anymore.” They say, “I don’t love you anymore either.”  You go great, I’ll pick you up in 20.  Let’s grab a scone.
Liz: A scone!  Yes!  I want that!  I’m gonna call him!

Tracy: JS!
Seinfeld: Ah Tracy.
Tracy: What’s up.   Me and this dude used to do stand up together.  Remember that night we had a three way with Elaine Boozier?
Seinfeld: You know I don’t think that was me.
Tracy: Oh you know what, I think that was a mirror.

Liz: [on phone] Hello, I’m sorry, may I speak to Floyd please… Oh he’s in the shower… I am conducting a survey for the Randford group.  And uh, how old are you?… and your weight?…and when was the last time you had intercourse?  Who is this?!  Who are you!?  I’m your worst nightmare is who I is!

Jenna: Wow.  That must have been embarrassing for you!

Seinfeld: Jack, I was on vacation with my family in a country only rich people know about.
Jack: Svenborgia?
Seinfeld: [laughs] No.  Better.  But I can’t tell you.  Anyways my mother calls to tell me that I’m going to be on Law and Order, and ER.  So I called my agent to find out when did I shoot those things?

Jack: I get it.  This is a two way street.  Alright, Jerry, what NBC shows do you want to be digitally inserted into?
Seinfeld: I like LOST.  Is that you guys? 

Jack: Jerry, come on.  You’re going to buy NBC, like you just got 4 million dollars just lying around.

Jack: Give me two days, and I’ll come up with something you’ll really be proud of.  Besides you owe me.  Remember St. Bart’s, I saved your life from that shark?
Seinfeld: Alright Jack, I’ll come back.  But I still think you shot a dolphin.

Liz: Hello, I’m here to drop off the inspiration photos.
Clerk: And you must be the mother.
Liz: Bridesmaid, yes!

Liz: This is my year.  Floyd’s moving on.  I’m moving on too.  I’m just doing it in my own order.  I’m gonna get the wedding dress.  Them I’m gonna have a baby.  Then I’m going to die.  And then I’m gonna meet a super cute guy in heaven.

Jack: I’ve been brainstorming all night here we go.  #1: Kill Seinfeld.  #2. Kill Seinfeld then kill myself.  #3.  Kill Seinfeld, flee to Svenborgia then kill myself.
Liz: You know what Jack, I’m not having the best day either…
Jack: #70: You seduce Seinfeld.
Liz: Now why is me seducing Seinfeld all the way at 70?
Jack: #71: Fake a hurricane and all regularly scheduled programming is preempted.

Tracy: I’m mad at you Ken!  I’ve seen the way you look at Seinfeld.  You used to look at me that way.  What, am I not a big enough star for you anymore?
Kenneth: I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer.  Especially after I picked out all these throw pillows for in here, and you didn’t even notice!

Jenna: Hey everyone.  I know what you’re thinking.  How did I loose 25 pounds in one day?  I didn’t.  It’s visual trickery.  Drawing the eye up.

Frank: Hey Liz you got to see this.  Jenna looks bananas.
[Opens door to reveal Liz in a wedding dress]
Frank: No the real crazy is in here!

Liz: I am not crazy.  I am making a statement.  That if need be, I will marry myself.  And I am not embarrassed that you guys are seeing me wearing this.
Toofer: So you’re intending to wear that all day?
Liz: Yeah, Chocolate Rain, maybe I am.
Cerie: Liz, Seinfeld’s here and Jack’s not ready for him so you need to give him another tour.
Liz: …Wonderful.

Seinfeld: Are you imitating me?!
Liz: No!  This is what I sound like when I cry!
Seinfeld: I think I’m a little insulted.
Liz: You’re insulted? I’m crying!

Jack: Jerry, wonderful.  Please come in, come in.  Can I get you some water?
Seinfeld: No, thank you.
Jack: Would you like some tea? Want some coffee?  Some iced coffee?  We’ve got some iced tea?  Some juice?  Do you want some pomegranate juice?
Seinfeld: Alright I’ll just, give me some water if that just moves it along.

Seinfeld: What is wrong with you people?!  What has happened to this network?!  Call off your goons!

Jack: Alright listen Seinfeld, I’ll give you 1 million dollars, and five free commercials for your animated feature Bee Movie.  And you let me run this for one week.
Seinfeld: 2 million dollars to the charity of my choice, 10 free commercials for Bee Movie [looks at camera] Opening November 2^nd.  And I do nothing.
Jack: You let me run Seinfeld vision for three nights.  I give you 1.5 million dollars for the charity of your choice.  Unlimited free promotions on The Today Show.  And you give me the name of that country you went to.
Seinfeld: 1 night!  Doctors Without Boarders!  Roker in a Bee Costume!  Grengiarnia.

Tracy: Oh no!  Did a Korean person die?
Liz: No Tracy, it’s a wedding dress.
Tracy: Don’t do it Liz Lemon.  I know what me and Kenneth have, looks perfect on the outside.  But it’s work, damnit.  It’s work.

Jack: Lemon, don’t ever say your just you.  Cause you are better than you.  And I’m not going to let you give up.  This is going to be our year!  Now give me the ham.
Liz: I like the ham.
Jack: Come on.

Ratings: 4.8/7  7.38 Million Viewers. Weekly Rank: 60th

«1.21 – Hiatus

2.02 – Jack Gets in the Game»