Originally Aired: October 11, 2007
Written by: Robert Carlock
Directed by: Michael Engler

Summary: On the heels of Jack (Alec Baldwin) realizing that GE head, Don Geiss (Guest Star Rip Torn) may be retiring, Jack’s nemesis, Devin, (Guest Star Will Arnett) returns engaged to Don’s daughter. Always up for good competition, Jack shows up at a dinner where Devin and Don are and is invited to Don’s house that weekend. However, when Kenneth (Jack McBrayer) accidentally lets it slip that Jack recently had a heart attack, Devin feels he can knock Jack out of the race. Meanwhile, Liz (Tina Fey) tries to get her life in order after Jack and Jenna (Jane Krakowski) lay into her about getting it together. Jenna starts to enjoy the fame her fat is bringing her. Kenneth plots to get Tracy (Tracy Morgan) and his wife Angie (Guest Star Sherri Shepherd) back together. Will Arnett, Chris Parnell, Sherri Shepherd and Rip Torn guest star; Judah Friedlander and Kevin Brown also star.

Quotes:

Liz: You want to watch me eat this steak in front of you?
Jack: That’s what I want.
Liz: Ok!

Liz: No, I subscribe to “Giant Boats”.

Jack: “The Ocean,” says Geiss, “like business and the pillow-y abyss of a lover’s bosom, seems infinite, but all things must end”.
Liz: Pillow-y abyss?
Jack: Ignore that part.

Jack: Geiss is sending signals about retirement, about succession.
Liz: By talking about sex in a sailing magazine?
Jack: That’s exactly how Margaret Thatcher did it.

Jack: You ate that whole thing?
Liz: A dog took it. It came out of nowhere…

Liz: Hey Jenna, what’s up?
Jenna: Pretty good.
Liz: Are you ok?
Jenna: Oh I’m fine, Jenna.

Jenna: It’s the Japanese porn star diet. I only eat paper, but I can eat all the paper I want, so…

Liz: When did your mom gain all that weight?
Jenna: Oh God…*bites paper*

Liz: You are just as beautiful and talented as you ever were.
Jack: No, no, no, no. You are fat. Now go and see Dr. Spaceman right now and get this taken care of.

Jack: Oh come on. What are we back in college freshmen year? Let’s go to the common room and talk about Apartheid.

Liz: I’m sorry if I care about making the world a better place.
Jack: You should be.  It’s a complete waste of time.

Jack: How’s your love life going?
Liz: I believe that love comes when you’re not looking for it.
Jack: Did you return that wedding dress you bought?
Liz: I’m going to sell it online, but my internet’s being weird!

Liz: Oh nerds! I missed a dentist appointment this morning…

Jack: Son of a bitch. Banks! What are you doing in town? Drawn to the phallic nature of our skyline?
Devon: Very funny, Jack. How gay is this? I’m here visiting my fiancée.

Jack: You can’t, you’re gay!

Devon: No, not anymore friend. You familiar with the church of Practicology?
Jack: You mean the cult that was invented by Stan Lee?
Devon: No. I mean the religion founded by the alien king living inside Stan Lee.

Devon: It’s definitely working! I can totally feel the gay draining right out of me!

Devon: And if you read his recent interview in the Harvard Gay Business Review, you’d know he’s thinking about retirement.  But I guess I’ll found out more about that tonight at dinner. With Geiss. At a restaurant.

Tracy: So you should go get us some party hats. The pointy kind!

Tracy: She called my vanity license plate inscrutable. ICU81MI! Hilarious! Angie is in the past. Like Dracula and broadcast television…

Kenneth: Dot Com! I have an idea.
Dot Com: Well I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot!

Dr. Spaceman: Now Jenna, medically speaking for your height, your weight puts you in what we call the disgusting range.

Dr. Spaceman: How important is tooth retention to you?
Jenna: It’s…pretty important.

Jenna: What about my crazy surgical options, Dr. Spacemen?
Dr. Spaceman: Please, Dr. Spaceman was my father.   Please,  call me Leo.

Dr. Spaceman: Are you familiar with the Bradshaw Clinic?
Jenna: Am I? That’s where the Olsen Twins were separated!

Jenna: I can’t be on television looking like I just had a baby or something.
Dr. Spaceman: Now this right here, is why I got into medicine.

Jack: And Alan Garkel in legal, I don’t think he really needs that wheelchair.
Liz: No!

Kenneth: Mr. Banks! I didn’t see you there!
Devon: Well I’ve been following you for the better part of an hour, Kenneth.

Devon: I’m going to be running this place soon. There are going to be some changes to…the Page’s uniform, certainly.

Kenneth: Mr. Banks, Mr. Donaghy eats guys like you as part of a healthy breakfast.

Kenneth: Right, Mr. D? High five! Not now? Ok…

Liz: What is this, liposuction?
Jenna: Plus bone shaving and organ reduction!

Jenna: People look at me differently now. Jack, the writers, the manager at Forever 21!
Liz: That’s their problem.  Is this clinic on a boat?!

Frank: Hey, I’ve got a character for Jenna called “Me want food”! She’s in a supermarket and she keeps going “Me want fooood!”
Liz: What? No! We are not treating Jenna any differently. She’s going to play all the characters she normally plays, like Hillary Clinton.
Frank: That’s awesome. Fat Hillary!

Jenna: Can I sing and roller dance?
Liz: …Yes…

Liz: I’ve got my life together, ok?
Frank: Holy crap! Did your tooth just fall out?
Liz: Ooh…that’s not great, huh?

Tracy: Look at this. My gold record from that novelty party song.
Werewolf bar Mitzvah
“Werewolf bar Mitzvah. Spooky, scary. Boys becoming men. Men becoming wolves!”

Angie: Is there anything else you want to say, Tracy?
Tracy: Yeah, I miss you Grizz.

Kenneth: Hello Angie. I hear you’re single now. That’s cool.
Angie: What?
Kenneth: I like your top. I’m a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.
Angie: Well, I don’t have a husband anymore, so you can come over any time.
Kenneth: Oh, I will. I’ll come over at night!

Dot Com: Good job, Kenneth!
Kenneth: You should see my A Game.

Devon: So, Dad. Can I call you Dad?
Don Geiss: Why not? I have a grandkid who calls me Don. Next time he does it, I’m marching that kid to a recruiting station.
Devon: Great story Dad!

Devon: I never should have said we were going to a restaurant.

Liz: Her center of gravity is a little different…

Jenna: Me want fooood!

Devon: Here, why don’t you take some of my steak, I could never eat this much meat.
Jack: That’s not what I hear!

Devon: I’m gonna make your heart explode.

Kenneth: You’re up early Mr. Jordan.
Tracy: I only got eleven to twelve hours of sleep last night. I’ve got something on my mind grapes I need talk to you about.

Tracy: I want you to go my house and make love to my wife, Ken!
Kenneth: Jiminy Christmas!
Tracy: My home address is in the GPS under “Da Crib” because we live on Da Crib Avenue. Now you go to Angie and you make sure you pleasure her!

Jenna: Well they did laugh.
Liz: At you Jenna, at!
Jenna: Oh right, the bad kind.

Liz: It’s like those Dove commercials never even happened.

Liz: This woman was a Mouseketeer, ma’am!

Devon: Geiss loves quitters if I understood his biography correctly. Oh wait. I didn’t!

Jack: Winthrop here wrestled at Yale.
Devon: With other dudes? Or…
Jack: Banks here says he can pin ya!
Devon: You’re so strong! Oh God, you’re having your way with me! Your back is like a barrel of snakes. Oh God, I’m just your doll! I think I love you! We’re joking, it’s all jokes.

Dr. Spaceman: Did you know, that medically speaking, people want food, but don’t need it.

Jenna: I’m keeping it!
Liz: Umm, what?
Jenna: The fat! Because people recognize me, and I get off on it!

Jenna: And it’s kinda hard to take life advice from a single woman who is using her treadmill as a hanger for a wedding dress.
Liz: Oh, I guess I’m just supposed to put it in the closet with ham fat all over it?

Jenna: And who’s wearing a one piece swim suit instead of underwear?
Liz: I have to do laundry…

Devon: Bum, bum…bum, bum…ka BOOM!

Devon: You’re insane. That’s it. I quit. No more football. Jack wins.
Winthrop: Quitter!
Devon: Just like the Greeks!

Tracy: I’m gonna kill you Kenneth the Page!
Kenneth: I’m sorry Mr. Jordan. I couldn’t do it.
Angie: This boy comes to the door, tries to kiss me, the he throws up and starts crying.
Kenneth: My body wouldn’t let me violate the sacred bonds of marriage, sir.

Angie: No more jewelry with my name misspelled no more sexually explicit skywriting, and no more white boys throwing up in my damn foyer!

Kenneth: This grilled cheese has mayonnaise in it! What?!

Jack: Is it really worth it?  I wonder.  I mean, I almost let a man die today, Caitlin.

Don Geiss: I’ve technically died twice. It’s not fun. But I’m not going to be around forever. At some point I want to spend more time with my grandkids, take my boat down to the islands, get to know my secret family up in Canada.

Don Geiss: You might run this company one day.
Jack: Thank you sir.

Jack: You mind if I watch you eat that?
Caitlin: Oh…kay…

Ratings: 4.2/7 6.61 Million Viewers. Weekly Rank: 66th

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