Originally Aired: October 25, 2007
Written by: Jack Burditt
Directed by: Michael Engler

Summary: When Liz (Tina Fey) meets her idol, Rosemary Howard (Guest Star Carrie Fisher), she invites her to be a guest writer on the show. However, Rosemary’s radical ideas that Liz grew up admiring are now too controversial for Liz’s NBC show. When Liz refuses to fire Rosemary, Jack (Alec Baldwin) pressures Liz, who promptly quits. Jack brings Tracy (Tracy Morgan) to a therapist to figure out why he must do the opposite that he is told. Meanwhile, after Jenna (Jane Krakowski) ruins Kenneth’s (Jack McBrayer) page jacket, Kenneth must compete in a page-off in order to keep his job. Carrie Fisher guest stars; Scott Adsit, Judah Friedlander, Lonny Ross, Katrina Bowden, John Lutz, Maulik Pancholy, Kevin Brown and Grizz Chapman also star.

Promotional Pictures: High Quality 

Quotes:

Jack: Attention all, attention all. It is with great pleasure that I would like to announce the recipient of this years prestigious GE Follow-ship Award, is none other than our very own, Liz Lemon.
Pete: Wait, how can Liz where a fellowship award? She doesn’t like people.
Jack: No. Follow-ship. Presented annually to the woman, sorry, person who best exemplifies a follower.
Liz: I’m not follower!
Jack: It also comes with 10 grand.
Liz: I accept this proudly on behalf of followers everywhere.

Jack: So what do you do with you money? Put it in a 401k?
Liz: Yeah, I got to get one of those…
Jack: What? Where do you invest your money, Liz?
Liz: I have like 12 grand in checking.
Jack: Are you an immigrant?

Jenna: If I can’t be Monique fat, I have to be Teri Hatcher thin. Either way, you’re laughing.

[Page jacked catches fire]
Kenneth: Oh my God! It hurts!!

Liz: You’re honestly telling me that you don’t know who Rosemary Howard is?
Pete: Is she one of those ladies who tried to shoot Gerald Ford?

Liz: Hi! I don’t want to sound like a weirdo fan, but I am obsessed with everything you’ve ever done. And I used to make my friends act out your sketches the next day. When I say my friends I mean the Fisher Price My Friend Dolls, because I didn’t have a lot of friends. Oh boy! Am I still talking?
Rosemary: You’re going to kill me aren’t you?

Liz: I grew up wanting to be you.
Rosemary: I grew up wanting to be Samantha Stevens on Bewitched. The closest I got was being married to a gay guy for two years.

Liz: Thank you. You are my heroine. And by heroine, I mean lady hero. I don’t want to inject you and listen to jazz.
Pete: Good lord!

Rosemary: Are you hungry?
Liz: Always.

Tracy: Hey Jack, if you desecrate something, is that bad?
Jack: Tracy, what happened now?

Jack: Tracy, it’s all right. You’re a star, you can do whatever you want to. That’s your job. It’s our job to make it go away.
Tracy: I love this county.
Jack: You go forth and be crazy
Tracy: I think I can manage that.
Jack: You can do anything you want to do. Except no dog fighting ok. That seems to be the one thing that’s off limits these days.

Tracy: Dog fighting it is. Make it happen.
Dot Com: Man this is Phil Spector’s entourage all over again.

Rosemary: You know, I miss live TV. It’s like sex, you know? It’s almost better when everything goes horribly wrong.

Jenna: You’re a machine.
Head Page: No. I wish. This is a prop for NBC’s Supercomputer. 1975-1975.

Jenna: Look, you obviously know who I am…

Jenna: Here’s what we’re going to do. You’ve probably never seen breast before. So I’m going to lean over this desk. And you’re going to give me a new page jacket.
Head Page: Please I breast fed until I was 11. So I’ve forgotten more about a woman’s chest than you’ll ever know.
Jenna: But I’m on TV!
Head Page: I said good day!
Jenna: No you didn’t.
Head Page: Well I meant to.

Liz: Alright, what’s in the news this week? Everybody? Any Ideas?
Rosemary: I have an idea. We open on a New Orleans abortion clinic. A beautiful mulatto…
Liz: I don’t think we’re allowed to use any of those words…

Rosemary: Remember the mailbox sketch that shocked America?
[Sketch]
Mailbox: There’s nothing wrong here.
[Mailbox falls over] [End Sketch]
Rosemary: Don’t you get it? The mailbox was Halderman.
Cerie: Is that a person who lived?

Liz: We are very subversive on the show. Frank, what do you have this week.
Jack: Barry the humping dog is shopping for a GE washer and dryer.

Jack: Tray, what’s the one thing I asked you not to do?
Tracy: That 227 movie, New Jack A City?
Jack: Dog fighting! What is it about your wiring that compels you to do exactly what you’re asked not to do?
Tracy: I don’t know. I’ve always been this way.
[Flashbacks]
Man: Tracy, don’t play with matches!
Tracy: You’re not my dad!
Mailman: Tracy, don’t stare directly at the sun it’ll make you crazy.
Tracy: You’re not my dad!
Man: Tracy, don’t you not going out the house dressed like that.
Tracy: You’re not my dad!
[End Flashback]
Jack: I’m beginning to think it has something to do with your dad.
Tracy: You’re not my dad! You can’t tell me what this is about!

Jonathan: Liz, your grandmother is in Jack’s office.
Liz: Nana Lemon? That’s weird… Oh no! Rosemary!

Rosemary: Liz, he totally gets it. He understands what we do is far more important than what they do.
Jack: I do. I really do get it. Rosemary, thank you so very much.
Rosemary: My pleasure.
Jack: What a pleasure, what fun catching up with you!
Rosemary: You too.
Jack: You take care now.
[Rosemary leaves]
Jack: Fire her. And never make me talk to a woman that old again.

Jack: ‘Pushing the envelope.’ You know who uses that phrase? People who don’t have the guts or the brains to work inside the system; letter writers, radicals, Howard Dean.
Liz: You just don’t get her. You’re like the Talking Mailbox.
Jack: I’m going to assume that’s Halderman reference, in which case, I thank you.

Liz: I got into this business to be like Rosemary, to make people think.
Jack: No Lemon, you got into this business because you’re funny and weird and socially retarded.

Liz: You are a suit. You feed off the creativity and hard work of other people. And turn it into commercials, and pie charts, and triangle graphs.
Jack: What’s a triangle graph?
Liz: I don’t know it sounded real! This is my show…
Jack: No, this is my show. And once a week I rent it out to the good people at the erectile dysfunction companies.

Jonathan: Jack says you’re both fired.
Rosemary: YES!

Jack: I get this dad thing. I mean my father belongs in the smiling Irish bastard Hall of Fame.

Jack: Tracy, we’re going to do this together. You got to get into therapy.
Tracy: I don’t need therapy. I’m just straight up mentally ill!
Jack: Tracy, what if I told you that the one thing you cannot do, is therapy?
Tracy: You’re not my dad! We’re doing therapy!

Jenna: A Page Off? What’s that?
Kenneth: It’s a savage contest, mixing physical stamina with NBC trivia.
Head Page Donny: Page Off? You’re monkey’s pretty stupid.
Jenna: Well you want a Page Off, you got it freak! Winner take all!
[Page runs by ringing a bell]

Rosemary: Now that you’re free, we can work on something together.
Liz: Yeah! We can start our own network called “Bitch TV!” … or the second idea we think of.

Liz: What neighborhood is this?
Rosemary: They call it Lil’ Chechnya. It’s so gritty and real. More murders per capita than Detroit. Try not to write when you’re living here!
Liz: Is that guy carrying a gun?
Rosemary: Yeah, but don’t worry, he’s not a cop.

Jack: Tracy, this is Suzanne Hacker, the NBC therapist.
Tracy: Who’s crazier? Me or Ann Curry?

Therapist: I’d like to hop right in and start with some role play.
Tracy: Like my wife and I do? Cool. You be the maid, I want you to scream. Donaghy, you play the matador.

Jack: I want to talk to you son.
Tracy: You sound nothing like my dad.
Jack: Well where is he from?
Tracy: All I know is he’s from funky north Philly, he worked in a Campbell’s Soup factory, and he had a droopy lip due to an unattended root canal.
Jack: I think I can do this.

[Therapy!!!]
Tracy: I’m mad at you dad.
Jack (as Tracy’s father): Hey dummy, I’m mad at you too. Why d’you have to act out that way?
Therapist: Uh, that’s not exactly what I had in mind.
Tracy: Cause you left me dad!
Jack (as Tracy’s father): I was young and confused and your mom’s didn’t want me around anymore. Now pass me them damned collard greens.
Tracy: Is this true mom?!
Jack (as Tracy’s mother): He gambled away my welfare check.
Jack (as Tracy’s father): Woman, I’ve got a mind to smack you upside the head!
Tracy: Uh, this is not helpful.
Tracy: Be me now!
Jack (As Tracy): I only act out because I want your love! Dynomite!
Therapist: I think we’re just doing Good Times, now.
Tracy: Now do the white dude that my mom left my dad for.
Jack: (As white man Tracy’s mom left for): Now see here Tracy, it’s impolite to slurp one’s soup.
Tracy: Woah! No need to resort to ugly stereotypes.
Jack (as Tracy’s father): You’re always gonna be my son.
Jack (as Tracy’s mother): Tracy, just because I stopped loving you dad, doesn’t mean we stopped loving you.
Jack (as Tracy’s father): Stop putting words in my mouth, woman!
Jack (as Mrs. Rodriguez): Oye! Pape callate! People are sleeping.
Jack (as Tracy’s father): Mind your own damn business, Mrs. Rodriguez!
Therapist: Alright, this is ridiculous.
Jack (as Tracy’s father): Lady, just because I’m an ignorant black man and you paid me a nickel to bust up your chiffarobe, doesn’t give you the right to call me ridiculous just because I’m proud of my son. [Gun shot noises] They got me. The honkies shot me!
Tracy: No dad! Don’t die!! I love you, dad!! I don’t want to dog fight nomore!

Liz: Oh crap balls! What was that!?

Rosemary: I predict opening weekend, a million dollars!
Liz: Have you been drinking wine all day?
Rosemary: Oh, it’s heart healthy.
Liz: All day?!
Rosemary: Oh come on, Liz! It’s the 90’s!

Rosemary: You can’t abandon me, Liz! You are me!

Liz: Oh my god! I lost my job!
Rosemary: You’re just like me. You get up in them morning and smoke weed.
Liz: No I don’t.
Rosemary: You obsess about the Jamaican man across the hall.

Rosemary: You’re my kid! You’re my kid that never calls! Help me Liz Lemon, you’re my only hope!

Jenna: Ok, which NBC series spun off, amongst others; Cosby, Miami Vice, Cheers, and Highway to Heaven?
Kenneth: Supercomputer!

Pages: Page Off! Page Off! Page Off! Page Off!

Jenna: Pete, wait, you don’t understand, I ruined Kenneth’s jacket, and he needs a new one, but can’t have any demerits, so we had to have a Page Off!
Pete: What are you kidding me? This is a billion dollar company! Demerits?! Donny, give Kenneth the damn jacket!

Kenneth: Well it’s finally over, Ms. Maroney.
Jenna: Yes. And it’s hard to even remember how it all began.
Kenneth: [whispers] You burnt my jacket.

Jack: Never go with a hippie to a second location.

Liz: Rosemary says that women become obsolete in this business when there’s no one left that wants to see them naked.
Jack: You make enough money, you can pay people to look at you naked.

Ratings: 4.1/6 6.53 Million Viewers. Weekly Rank: 69th

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