Originally Aired: November 15, 2007
Written by: Tina Fey & Kay Cannon
Directed by: Beth McCarthy

Summary: Jack (Alex Baldwin) attends a cocktail party honoring Colin Powell, and there, he falls for C.C. (Guest Star, Edie Falco), a Democratic congresswoman from Vermont. Although they are on the opposite sides of the fence, Jack and C.C. ignore their political differences, and attempt to be a couple under the radar. Liz (Tina Fey) thinks her Middle Eastern neighbor might be a terrorist. After all, he won’t shake Liz’s hand; has maps all over his house, and helps Pete (Scott Adsit) rewire the toaster. But Liz is paranoid, and tips off his neighbor’s whereabouts to an official at the Homeland Security office. Guest stars Edie Falco. Also stars Tracy Morgan, Jane Krakowski, Jack McBrayer, Judah Friedlander, Lonny Ross, Keith Powell, Katrina Bowden and Maulik Pancholy.

Promotional Pictures: High Quality

Quotes:

Liz: [calling Tracy] Hey, I just wanted to make sure you were practicing your Rerun dance for the “What’s Happening” sketch.
Tracy: I’m trying, Liz Lemon, but I can’t concentrate. Somebody on my block is making waffles, and it’s making me horny.

Jack: [on phone] Do you smell maple syrup?
Liz: Yes.
Jack: Don’t panic, Lemon. It’s probably not a chemical attack.
Liz: What do you mean probably?
Jack: It’s probably just a strange wind pattern coming off those factories in Staten Island where food flavors are made. I don’t think it’s Northrax.
Liz: What’s Northrax?
Jack: It’s a chemical agent we sold to the Saudi’s in the 1980’s that smells exactly like maple Syrup. But I don’t think this is it.
Liz: How do you know?
Jack: Because Northrax kills you within 10 seconds… … … … … Ok I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

Jack: Make me look like this. [holds up picture of Ronald Regan]
Hair Stylist: Right, like that’s a stretch.

Liz: Didn’t you get your hair cut two days ago?
Jack: I get my hair cut every two days. After all, your hair is you head suit.

Jack: I’m going to a party tonight honoring Robert Novak that’s being thrown by John McCain and Jack Bauer.
Liz: I don’t think he’s real.
Jack: I assure you Lemon, John McCain is very real.

Jack: I have to look perfect. When it comes to hair, nobody is more bitchy than conservative males.

Liz: Well have fun, don’t get peer pressured into invading Iran.

Kenneth: Sweet peaches! What have I done!

Kenneth: Uncle Butch was right; I’m just a stupid country bumpkin with great skin and smooth hands.

Kenneth: This is my mistake, I will replace your pants!
Jack: They cost $2500.
Kenneth: I will find your pants!

Liz: Alright! My prescription shampoo!

Liz: I’m Liz. What’s your name?
Raheem: Raheem.
Liz: Raheem, that’s my mother’s name! Nah [nervous laugh] I’m just kidding.

Liz: He’s weird. He wouldn’t shake my hand. And think that’s because I’m a woman. And get this, he has maps all over the wall.
Pete: You mean like that one?
Liz: That’s different. That’s an antique and I’m a white lady.

Liz: I never make assumptions about race. You remember I asked that black guy if he had seen Sideways?

Pete: You’re being paranoid. Raheem’s a very nice guy and he’s always helping. He rewired the toaster oven. And he showed me a back way to the airport.
Liz: Listen to yourself, Pete! I don’t want to sound racist, put that pita pocket might be a terrorist! Did that sound racist?

CC: Whiskey straight up.
Jack: I’ll have a white run with a diet ginger ale and splash of lime.
CC: Wow, I never would have pegged you for a University of Tennessee sorority girl.
Jack: Well you’ve got to pace yourself at these things. We go all night.
CC: That’s good for the advice. Unfortunately I promised Bill Frist the next slow dance.

Bartender: Sir, here’s your Nancy Drew.
Jack: For men it’s called a Hardy Boy.

Tracy: Hey K K. How’s it hanging?
Kenneth: Very low sir, very low.

Tracy: You know what I do when I loose something? I yell real loud until I find it. So what is it that you lost?
Kenneth: Pants.
Tracy: Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants! Pants!
[Grizz and Dot Com come running with pants]
Dot Com: Are you chafing again, Tray?

Kenneth: And I tried looking in the last place you would ever expect. And no, Mr. Donaghy’s pants are not in the ladies room at that laser tag place on 12^th Avenue.

Liz: What the WHAT?!

Sign: If we don’t poison the world, the terrorist do.

Jack: Thank you for letting me try that thing I tried. I’m sorry I dropped you.
CC: No, no. It was great. I mean who knew that Ottoman had wheels?

Jack: D?! Vermont?!

Jack: I gave her the Ottoman and she walked out.

Jonathan: Sir, I typed up that letter…
Liz: Hey, uh…
Jack: What do you need Lemon?
Liz: Nothing, I just uh, it can wait.
Jack: Anything you can say in front of me, you can’t say in front of Jonathan.
Liz: I think my Middle Eastern neighbor is a terrorist and I don’t know what to do.
Jack: That’s ridiculous Lemon, some of our greatest patriots have been of Middle Eastern descent. And I’m appalled to hear you engaging in racial profiling like that.
[Jonathan leaves]
Jack: I’m kidding. Be an American. Call it in.

Liz: Now, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being paranoid.
Jack: If a bleeding heart liberal like you has any suspicion…
Liz: I know right.

Liz: Nice ring tone, Jack.

Jack: That’s not my ring tone. I hate that San Francisco sound.

Jack: These Verizon Wireless phones are just so popular, I accidentally grabbed on belonging to an acquaintance.
Liz: Well sure cause that Verizon Wireless service is just unbeatable. I mean if I saw a phone like that on TV, I would be like, where’s my nearest retailer so I can get one? [looks into camera] Can we have our money now?

Frank: Woah! This ketchup expired two years ago? Dude, how much would I have to pay you to eat this whole bottle?
Toofer: Honestly, a 1000 dollars.
Kenneth: 400!

CC: I’m working out of the Clinton offices for a few weeks. I’m helping Hillary retool her universal healthcare platform.
Jack: God, I want to kiss you on the mouth just to stop you from saying such ridiculous things.

CC: How can I look those little orange children in the eye?
Jack: They have no other documented health problems.
CC: They’re orange!

Jack: What happened to you that made you this way?
CC: In 1998, I got shot in the face by me neighbor’s dog.
Jack: CC, I’m so… wait, what?

CC: After 6 reconstructive surgeries, I’m much better looking now than I used to be. Plus they made a Lifetime movie about me.
[Lifetime Movie]
Announcer: Tonight on Lifetime, Candace Van Der Shark stars as Celeste Cunningham in “A Dog Took My Face, And Gave Me A Better Face To Change the World: The Celeste Cunningham Story.”

Jack: I thought you made love like an ugly girl; so present, so grateful.

Jack: We’re just on opposite sides of a feud.
Tracy: Oh I get it. Romeo and Juliet. Capulets and Romulens. I’ve been there. I’m black, she’s white. I’m black, she’s light skinned black. I’m black, she’s 17.

Jack: I don’t believe in soul mates. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am to sacrifice it for some woman. I don’t care if she is beautiful, brilliant, and she does it like her dad’s a minister.

Kenneth: My feet are puffed up real bad.

Kenneth: We Parcells are neither wealthy nor circumcised, but we are proud.

[Opens door to see Raheem]
Liz: Can I help you? … Pete. Pete. Pete.

Raheem: Soon everyone will know the name Raheem Haddad.

Liz: I’m not sure but…
Homeland Security: Who is he? And where can we find him?

[Jack watching Lifetime movie]
Neighbor: Hey CC, we’re having a bar-b-que tonight. You’re welcome to come.
Candice Van Der Shark (as CC): Thanks, maybe I will.
[Terrier plays with gun]
Jack: Get the gun away from the dog!
Neighbor: Hey hun, have you seen my hunting rifle?
Neighbor: Last time I saw it, the dog had it.
Jack: What is wrong with you people?
[Dog shoots CC]
Candace Van Der Shark (as CC): I’m going to get into politics.

Pete: Some dudes took Raheem last night!
Liz: Huh. Sounds like an American hero saw something and said something.
Pete: Elizabeth Lemon, I can’t believe you did that. Raheem is a good guy!
Liz: You seem to be defending Raheem an awful lot. I’d hate to have to make another phone call.
Pete: No no. We’re cool. I renounce Raheem. Raheem is a bad guy. USA #1!

Jack: I need your help. I’ve got to go somewhere and I can’t be seen and cabs don’t go there.
Tracy: Sure. Where is it?
Jack: Clinton’s office in Harlem.
Tracy: I know where that building is. I get my Jamacian meat pies there!

Liz: Finally! My Scalp Rx!

Raheem: My name is Raheem Haddad and this is my brother Hakeim. And these are the reasons you should choose us to be the next contestants on The Amazing Race!
Liz: The Amazing what? Uh oh.

Jack: CC, look out the window onto 125^th street.
CC: You shouldn’t be here!
Jack: I know I shouldn’t. I can’t help myself. I want to be with you!
Tracy: Tell her that you want your privates and her privates to do a high five.
Jack: Ok Tray, I got this.

Jack: I saw your movie, what you said to that dog about sole mates. I think I might be that dog.
racy: Tell her her butt look like an apple and you want to take a bite.
Jack: Buzz me in. Ok?
Tracy: Tell her she’s got some Tig old Bitties like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you science. Tell her Jack!

CC: I’ve been going crazy these last few days thinking about our night together. How you wanted to brush my hair as foreplay. How you made me that western omelet at 4:00 AM!

Jack: Be with me CC. We’ll ignore our differences until the sex goes bad. Then we’ll walk away bitter and angry.

CC: Nobody can know we’re together. Not even your friend Tracy Jordan out there.
Jack: I don’t think you’ll have to worry about Tracy.
Tracy: Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon, have some self respect. Don’t you know you can fly?

Liz: Raheem! Hey buddy, where you been all week.
Raheem: They but electrodes on my testicles, Liz.
Liz: Who did? Oh, you remember my name.
Raheem: America’s government shocked my nuts.
Liz: No! I’m pretty sure they’re not allowed to do that type of thing.
Raheem: They say “Raheem, why no you shake hands?” I say “Because I don’t want sickness before Amazing Race!” They say, “Raheem, why all the trips to the airports?” I say “Because I am practicing for the Amazing Race!” And then Zzzt Zzzt! In my underpanties!

Liz: Northrax!
Pete: Hey! I made waffles!
Liz: Oh thank god!

Ratings: 4.0/6 6.47 Million Viewers. Weekly Rank: 64th

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