Originally Aired: November 13, 2008
Written by: Jack Burditt
Directed by: Gail Mancuso

Summary:
LIZ (TINA FEY) AND JENNA’S (JANE KRAKOWSKI) FRIEND CLAIRE (GUEST STAR JENNIFER ANISTON) VISITS NEW YORK AND FALLS HARD FOR JACK (ALEC BALDWIN). TRACY (TRACY MORGAN) HELPS A DISTRAUGHT KENNETH (JACK MCBRAYER) TURN A DREAM INTO A REALITY. THE CAST OF NBC’s CLASSIC SERIES “NIGHT COURT” GUEST STARS, HARRY ANDERSON, MARKIE POST, AND CHARLIE ROBINSON
Free-spirited, “Fatal Attraction”-like stalker Claire Harper (guest star Jennifer Aniston) randomly shows up in New York to visit Liz (Fey) and Jenna (Krakowski). Claire (Aniston) zeroes in on Jack (Baldwin) upon first sight and claims him for her own. Kenneth (McBrayer), distressed and let down over the new page uniforms, turns to Tracy (Morgan) for some cheering up. To make Kenneth smile again, Tracy has a surprise involving the cast of “Night Court.” Also stars Judah Friedlander and Katrina Bowden.

Promotional Pictures: Super High Quality

Quotes:

Kenneth: Ms. Lemon, it’s me, Kenneth Parcell, the page. You probably didn’t recognize me in this new page uniform.
Liz: I recognized you, Kenneth.
Kenneth: The old uniforms were timeless, practical, sexy.  But, um,  this… This is an outrage!  You need to make them go back to the old uniforms.
Liz: I don’t have that kind of authority.
Kenneth: Then what do you do?!

Liz: Hey, I just got a call from security.
Jenna: That’s ridiculous!  Why would I steal a file from personnel?
Liz: What? No. Claire is in the lobby.
Jenna: Claire Harper?  From Chicago?
Liz: Yup.  Fun, crazy Claire.
Jenna: Oh man!  Do you remember the night we all danced in that open fire hydrant?
Liz: Yeah.  Her roof parties.
Jenna: Karaoke in Boystown.
Liz: The all night scavenger hunts.
Jenna: Do you remember when we crashed that Polish wedding?
Liz: Yeah she’s exhausting.
Jenna: Oh I know!  She’s gonna make us buy more of her homemade jewelry.  Birds always attack me when I wear it.

Liz: We’re waiting for our old roommate.  She’s like a human Macarena; something everyone did at parties in 1996.
Jack: Mi-Ou.
Liz: You’re right, that was harsh.
Jack: No, Mi-Ou.  She owns the largest alternative energy company in Asia.  So as part of our Green Initiative were doing a reality show about her quest to find a boyfriend.

Liz: Here comes Claire.  I’m already tired.

Jack: Welcome to New York.  Lets see, we’re using credit cards, and cabs, all the galleries have moved to Chelsea, and we’re off cupcakes and back to doughnuts.

Claire:  The baggage dealer told me about storage party that’s on the lower east side.  Starts at midnight sponsored by vodka and some drug dealer or something.  And the only rule is we all have to DJ.

Tracy: What’s wrong, Ken? You’ve got wife eyes.
Kenneth: I’m just sad sir.  I’ve worn this old jacked since 19…and now they’ve just thrown it away.
Tracy: Is there nothing sacred?  Have we lost our moral center?  It just makes me want to pee on someone.
Kenneth: I appreciate that sir.  But rules are rules.  I’m just going to have to live with it.
Tracy: I hate to see you like this Ken-Dog.  It’s like an owl without a graduation cap; heartbreaking!  So what can I buy you to make you happy?

Kenneth: Money can’t buy a sunset or a child’s smile, or a satisfying finale to the hit TV show ‘Night Court.’
Tracy: Court?  At Night?  I’m already laughing!

Liz: Did you see our shout out in Variety?  They called us a comedy show!

Liz: She’s psycho.  She is fatal attraction She is staunchly in favor of Coco Puffs.  Do not sleep with her.
Jack: I wish you had told me that about an hour ago.
Claire: Oh hey Liz.  Jack was just giving me direction to the F-Train.

Claire: Are we still on for tonight?  It is going to be epic!
Liz: I can’t… I volunteer at this thing with children and old people…
Claire: Bring them!

Liz:  Back in Chicago I saw her take powerful men down.  It didn’t matter if it was Scotty Pippin, or the drummer for the Bodeens, or someone else’s boyfriend who ran a small but prestigious clowning academy.
Jack: Whose boyfriend?

Jack: Having known Claire for a very enjoyable 20 minutes and you for what feels like infinity, I’m going to go with Claire on this one.

Tracy: Ready for your big surprise?
Kenneth: Yes sir! Gosh, last time I was blind folded I had to play piano at that weird masquerade party.
Tracy: Ta-da!
Kenneth: [Scream] Some of the cast of ‘Night Court’!

Markie: Oh bless your heart.  Do you like race cars?
Kenneth: I do!

Kenneth: First I find a quarter this morning…
Charlies: Uh… I lost a quarter earlier…

Jack: To Mi-ou.  May tonight’s fundraiser for your fund raising foundation be as successful as last weeks cocktail reception for your rehab center.
Claire: Jack’s just being modest.  He won’t tell you, but I will.  Today is Jack’s birthday!  Hit it boys! [Sings] Happy birthday to you.  Happy birthday to you.  Happy birthday dear Jackie-bear.  Happy birthday to him.

Claire: I’m his life coach, Esmerelda Fitzmonster.

Jack: How did you get in here first of all?  And it’s not even my birthday!
Claire: I know isn’t it funny?!  What?  Oh come on are you mad?
Jack: That highly inappropriate.  I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
Claire: Hey!  If I kill myself, it’s all your fault!

Liz: Did she do sexy birthday or mannequin who comes to life?
Jack: Sexy birthday.  Thank god!

Jack: Lemon, let me explain something you could have no way of knowing.  Emotionally unstable women are…fantastic in the sack.

Jack: I’ve got to get out of this.  What do other guys do?
Liz: Well, one guy died.  Scotty Pippin requested a trade to Houston.
Jack: Houston’s too humid.  What about this dying thing?

Liz: Where is she now?
Jack: Chained to the radiator in our hotel room.  It was her idea.  She’s an amazing woman.

Tracy: My boy, Ken has written a masterpiece.  And trust me, I use that word a lot!

Markie: I just wish the brilliant John Larroquette was here.
Harry: He really did want to come but he couldn’t work the schedule out.
Markie: You and John still talk?
Harry: We stay in touch yeah.

Markie: You always thought that you were better for me because you were nominated for Emmys.  Well I would have been nominated too, but I was just too hot to be taken seriously!
Harry: Well that wouldn’t be a problem now, would it?

Charles: Uh huh.  Court is adjourned.

Kenneth: This is worse than the original finale!  What are we going to do?
Tracy: I don’t know, Ken.  This is bad.  I wish this were an episode of ‘Night Court’ because then there would be some big joke right now.

Liz: You’re selling hats in the office!
Claire: I am.  And I didn’t ask because I knew you’d say yes.

Liz: I was at this club last week… called Chili’s… and I met this smoking guy.  He was just raw.
Claire: Tell me everything.
Liz: I’m going to.  He was wearing this shirt… and I could totally see his nips.  He was very muscular.
Claire: Did you go home with him?
Liz: Yes… to his loft, where he gave me the business.

Cerie: You guys should go to Aquarium?  It’s this new night club and all the women are in a glass room in the center of the dance floor.  And all the guys just watch and feed them.
Claire: That sounds so hot!
Liz: Yeah, thank you Cerie, that’s very helpful.

Tracy: My boy Kenneth, is going though some tough times.  They’re making him wear a coat that’s different than his other coat.

Harry: Markie, would you do me the honor of becoming my fake wife, so we can get our money and get out of here?
Markie: I’ve been waiting 15 years for you to hear you say those words.

Jenna: Why did you leave?  I think those Persian guys wanted us to make out together.
Liz: I’m waiting for Claire.  She texted me like an hour ago and said she’s getting on the F-Train.

Jack: [answers phone] Lemon?
Liz: Jack!  She’s in your house!
Jack: Don’t be ridiculous.  The alarm…[turns around]
Claire: I made you a white pizza and a pot roast.  I just think you’re, so amazing.  Look at me playing house!  My god you must think I’m out of my mind!  Do you?  You just looked away when I said that.  I saw you.  Kiss me, I know your lips will be honest!
Jack: Lemon I gotta call you back.
Liz: No!

Jenna: Well well well, a ‘Night Court’ reunion.  Funny how I wasn’t invited.  Or did you forget about my three episode arc as public defender Sparky Monroe.
Harry: No, we remember, Jenna.  You were the werewolf lawyer.
[Flashback]
Jenna: I could prove my client is innocent.  If only it weren’t a full mooooon!
Harry: You made us jump the shark.  You’re the reason we didn’t have a 10^th season.
Markie: I had just bought my second home when they brought that idiot werewolf lawyer in.
Jenna: Uh, that idiot werewolf paid for my hand reduction surgery ok?

Jenna: Kenneth, I can’t believe you’re such a ‘Night Court’ owner and didn’t know I played the werewolf lawyer.
Kenneth: I knew…
Jenna: Very well, I can take a hint.  But you haven’t seen the last of Sparky Monroe!

Jack: Wait, maybe Claire’s right.  If we had a baby together things would calm down.

Liz: Jack has something he’d like to tell you.
Claire: Oh.
Jack: I do.  I’d like to suck that ring right off your toe.
Claire: Oh please stop.  Don’t make that angry Muppet face at him.

Liz: I don’t have a single white female thing with you.
Claire: Honey, you moved into my building.  You wore chokers because I wore chokers.
Jack: I’d like to choke her.
Claire: Yes.  You dated that clown, Joel Suchecky.
Liz: First!  I dated him first, Claire.  And he wasn’t that clown, he was the head clowning instructor.

Claire: That’s what I’m saying.  We all want what’s best for Jack.  So why don’t we just get this 3 way on.
Liz: No!
Jack: No!  I agree that’s a bad idea.
Claire: Well I tried to be the adult.

Liz: I’m deleting you from my phone!  What?  Password!?

Markie: Objection!
Harry: Here we go again!
Charles: Tell me about it!

Harry: Hey are you with network?  How about if Heroes had a new character and his super power was like close up magic.
Liz: What?  No.  Oh big fan, by the way.

Liz: You’re breaking union rules.  Our insurance doesn’t cover any of this.  And you’re potentially infringing on Warner Brother’s intellectual property.  Shut this down!
Tracy: I want a different answer.  Where’s Jack Donaghy?
Liz: No there’s no more Jack.  He’s dead to us.  Break this down!  Everybody out!

Kenneth: Can I say something?
Liz: Absolutely not.
Kenneth: The only crime any of us are guilty of is caring for one another:  Mr. Jordan who tried to cheer me up,  These wonderful actors who tried to make a young man’s dream come true.  If there’s a law against friendship, then lock me up.  But if there isn’t, then the show must go onward!
Tracy: Ken!  You did it!  You changed their minds!
Liz: No!  No he didn’t!

Liz: Stop group hugging!  Who does that?!

Jack: Isn’t this great.  We’re together.  We’re in line to get into the club.  I have my glow stick.
Claire: Yeah and there’s no more Liz trying to keep us apart.  No more drama.  No more sneaking around, recording our intimate moments and leaving them for Liz on her voicemail.
Jack: What?
Claire: You know what!  I don’t even know what this is any more!  Are we boring?  Are we some sexless couple that sits in silence at a fish place on a Sunday at like 5:00?  Cause if we are, I’ll kill myself!

Claire: Guy in the really cool cool hat has a gun!

Harry: Well it’s been quite a night.
Markie: And it’s been quite a court…ship.

Harry: I herby declare the new page uniforms at NBC illegal!
Tracy: I added that.  I went upstairs and told them that if they don’t bring back the old uniforms, I refuse to play the part of Mac in Universals upcoming ‘Night Court’ movie.
Charles: What’s that now?

Jack: The real night court is not at all like that TV show.  Do you remember that show?
Liz: I do.
Jack: The hookers are not funny.  There are a lot more sickly homeless people and college students.

Jack: Claire used to punch me in the face.

Ratings:  7.60 Million Viewers. Weekly Rank: #47 Demo: 3.6/8 HH: 4.6/7

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