Originally Aired: December 4, 2008
Written by: Matthew Hubbard
Directed by: Beth McCarthy

Summary:
LIZ (TINA FEY) FIGHTS THE IDEA OF GOING TO HER HIGH SCHOOL REUNION, WHILE JACK (ALEC BALDWIN) DEALS WITH BAD NEWS; RIP TORN GUEST STARS
Liz (Fey) is opposed to going to her high school reunion, but Jack (Baldwin) manages to convince her otherwise. Meanwhile, Don Geiss (guest star Rip Torn) wakes up from his coma only to shock Jack with his declaration about who will be GE’s CEO. Shaken, Jack decides to get away to blow off steam, but bad weather forces him to tag along with Liz to her reunion instead. Tracy Morgan, Jane Krakowski and Jack McBrayer also star.

Promotional Pictures: High Quality!

Quotes:

Kenneth: Oh, Ms. Lemon.  You have several messages.  Ah, let’s see, that company running the bike tour in South Carolina says no singles.
Liz: Ok.
Kenneth: Uh, your credit card called.  They want to make sure you’re the one buying crème soda in bulk.
Liz: I sure am.
Kenneth: And your landlord called.  He said it’s not your toilet, it’s you.
Liz: That’s his opinion.

Kenneth: You have to go!  My high school reunion was so much fun!
[Flashback]
Kenneth: Hey there, Michael.  Oh my god Bill Baer!  Hello Teniqua.

Tracy: You got to go to your reunion.  You get to get back at everyone who ever messed with you.
[Flashback]
Tracy: You said I’d never amount to anything!  Look at me know!  Look at this necklace!
Nun: Sir, this is a school for deaf girls!

Jenna: I would have gone to my reunion, but the boat I was educated on sank.

Jack: [shaking keys] Kathy!  Over here.  Kathy!

Jonathan: What if something happened to her?  Something bad!  Then we would have a secret that bound us together!

Jonathan: What is she doing?
Jack: I don’t know.  Either a weather event is approaching, or…
Don Geiss: Get me Jack Donaghy!

Tracy: How come there ain’t no Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?  They got every race and life form in the galaxy, except for Puerto Ricans!  What’s up with that?!?!

Kenneth: What’s this, the local?

Jack: [kisses on the forehead] What’s that flavor?
Liz: It’s Dove Age Fighting acne cream.

Liz: Geiss is awake?  You’re going to be CEO!
Jack: YES!  I was the first person he called.  Well, his French-Canadian mistress then me.

Jack: I did it, Lemon.  I got the brass ring.  And I couldn’t have done it without… my lucky coin.

Jack: You’re having your reunion this weekend?  I wish I had a Princeton reunion right about now.  Wipe that smug smile off Michelle Obama’s face.

Liz: This may come as some surprise to you, Jack, but  I was kind of a lonely nerd in high school.

Liz: The only people that are going to go to this thing are her and her stupid friends; the cool, pretty crowd.
Jack: Well that’s you now, Lemon.  You run a hit TV show.  You have very impressive friends.  You found a hairstyle that works for you so long as it’s not too humid.  And you’re telling me you don’t have the confidence to face a bunch of whittling, jug blowing, IHOP monkeys?

Jack: You go and show that Kelsey Winthrop that ugly duckling has turned into a vaguely ethnic swan.

Liz: I want to go to there.

Don Geiss: A beam of energy came and spoke to me during my coma.
Jack: Oh no, no, no!
Don Geiss: I don’t know what it was an alien.  Maybe it was God.  Maybe it was an unborn Aztec king.

Dot Com: Tray, why are you in your angry chair?
Tracy: Because Kenneth got a bigger laugh in the elevator than me today!  And where were you two?  You’re job is to save me from embarrassment.
Dot Com: Grizz had to go to the optometrist.
Tracy: Making up words won’t save you!  We getting in an elevator with Kenneth, and you’re going to laugh at my jokes!

Jack: Hey hey, I’m so glad I found you.  There’s been a change of plans.  Geiss is staying on as CEO.
Liz: What?
Jack: A beam of energy told him too.  [laughs] That’s fun, right?  Instead of running everything, I’m going back to my old job, so the standards department is telling me you can only say ‘cat anus’ twice during the show.  But I’m going to fight for you.  You can say it three times.  Cat anus, cat anus, cat anus!

Liz: Are you ok?
Jack: I have to be.  I mean what are my other options?  Cry? Wallop?  If I do that Geiss and the beam win.  If I control my feelings, I win.
Liz: Jeez, Jack, tough year.  First William F. Buckley dies, now this.  Next stop, impotence, right?

Jack: I rented a jet and I’ll drop you off on the way to Miami.
Liz: Why are you going to Miami?
Jack: Why does anybody go to Miami?  Ass.  And the burgeoning art scene.

Liz: Boy it was something landing in this storm, huh?  Listen about some of the stuff I said…
[Flashback]
Liz: One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti!  Sometime I pee in the shower if I’m really tired!  I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn’t leave right away!

Liz: Remember, don’t let them win… cat anus!

Liz: I know it’s not Miami, but you can blow off some steam here.  We have a lovely N. C. Wyeth museum.
Clerk: Actually some meth addicts burned that place down last August.
Liz: Well we have some excellent restaurants down on Cabot Street.
Clerk: Ugh, the Vietnamese immigrants took over all of those places.  I wouldn’t recommend going to Little Hanoi after dark unless you’re wearing a “condong”.
Jack: Why don’t you just direct me to the bar.
Clerk: Sorry sir, no bars here.  We’ve been a dry county since 1880.  It’s the one tradition that remains.  But uh, do you like Methodist churches full of Vietnamese?
Jack: Give me the key.

Tracy: Hey elevator, what’s this? [slaps stomach]  A ghetto mating call!

Kenneth: Wow.  I didn’t get the memo.  Jeez, buy a guy a drink first.  This place is bigger than my apartment.

Liz: A Manhattan please.
Bar tender: Sure, what kind of bourbon?
Liz: A white wine spritzer, please.

Liz: Kelsey, its Liz Lemon.
Kelsey: Oh my god…
Liz: Yeah,  surprising.  But cocoon, then flap flap flap.  Butterfly.

Kelsey: I tried to befriend you, just so you’d leave me alone.
[Flashback]
Kelsey: Hey Liz, how’s your telescope?
Liz: How’s your mom’s pill addiction

Liz: What are you talking about?  I was a nerd!
Kelsey: You were a bully!  We were all afraid of you.  We called you the White Haven Witch!
Erin: LEMON!
Kelsey: Oh Erin, no.  Don’t sink to her level!
Erin: This is a beauty mark, that you thought was funny to say God pooped on me.
Liz: I didn’t think anybody was listening to me.  I was a nobody.  You were Homecoming queen!
Kelsey: I have had years of therapy!
Erin: Kels, your facial tick.  You brought it back!  You happy?!

Liz: What are you doing here?
Jack: I’m getting drunk.  Lemon, would you buy my mulch?

Liz: I just found out that I was a jerk in high school.  Yeah, turns out I’m not the loveable nerd, I was the bully you hate. [looks at drink] This is mostly spit.

Rob: Hello, Elizabeth, it’s Rob Sussman.  Still think I’m gayer than the volleyball scene in “Top Gun”?
Liz: No, we were friends.  I just said that stuff to try and make it ok for you to come out.
Rob: Come out of what?  I’d like you to meet my wife, with whom I’ve raised three beautiful dogs!
Liz: Oh boy.
Rob: I can’t deal right now.  I’m so mad all I can do is dance!

Liz: Even Rob Sussman hated me?  He was the first gay guy I ever kissed!

Jack: Hey Lemon.  Check this out, I just made it up.  The 3 B’s.  Beer, Boats and Buds.
Liz: Are you having a stroke?

Man: Larry?  Larry Braverman?
Jack: Yes.  I am Larry Braverman.

Man: Hey, you still got that old Camero?
Jack: No.  It finally broke down.
Kelsey: Oh…
Jack: From having too much sex in it!

Liz: How is this working?  You are 12 years older than everybody here.
Jack: Rich 50 is middleclass 38.  Okay?

Woman: Go home, Lemon!
Liz: No way, new friend!

Tracy: Jenna, we’re the most important people here, right?
Jenna: Well of course, Tracy.  We’re actors.  If we don’t exist, how will people know who to vote for?
Tracy: And people around here shouldn’t take attention from us, should they?
Jenna: No, never.  Attention is what give us power.  If someone threatens that, you have to put a stop to that!  Wait, who are you worried about?  Is it Alison from wardrobes baby?  What is up with that thing? So she can put her foot in her mouth, so can I!

Jenna: You know where the big dogs around here.  Hey, let’s go throw a big tantrum about the air conditioning.
Tracy: That sounds really nice.

Jessica: Larry?  Larry, it’s me, Jessica.  I can’t belive you’re here.  You never answered my letters.
Jack: Well I didn’t know what to say.  Because of, you know… the things…
Jessica: I hate the way we ended, Larry.  I am so so sorry for what happened.
Jack: Well I forgive you, Jessica.
Jessica: Really?  Even for…
Jack: Especially for that.
Jessica: Say what you said to me that night at the lake.
Jack: No.

Kenneth: Next stop, Kansas City.
[elevator people laugh]
Woman: Oh you are so funny.  They should put you on the show.
Jenna: [singing] Did you ever know that you’re my hero?!  And everything I would like to be.
Kenneth: Singing in the elevator.  It’s like a road trip to the sky.
[Sings 99 Bottles of Beer, Jenna screams]

Jack: Just to be clear, we’re not making out.  That would be social suicide.

Liz: If these jag-weeds don’t want to get to know the nice new me, then screw them and their rapidly yellowing teeth.
Jack: Wow, Lemon.  You really haven’t changed, have you?
Liz: Excuse me?

Jack: There it is, right thre.  Every time you feel threatened you attack.  That’s why you’re almost 40 and still alone.
Liz: At least I’m not 50, alone, and sitting on two thousand business cards for a job I’m never going to get.
Jack: What did you say?
Liz: Yeah.  You’re bags were delivered to my room by accident.  Look what I found.  You went to a printer, didn’t you.  You picked out a font.  You paid extra for a rush order.  It was your happy little secret.
Jack: [busts out of closet] Why is she so mean!?

Jenna: Here’s your lunch, Mr. Parcell.  Just the way you like it: Ham sandwich with the works, hold the bread.
Kenneth: But that’s my job.

Kenneth: Mr. Jordan, why are you giving a tour?
Tracy: It doesn’t feel good, when someone does your job, does it?
Kenneth: I don’t understand.
Tracy: I don’t like it when you do jokes in the elevator.  That’s my job!
Kenneth: Oh lord, I didn’t know. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. You’re my best friend!
Tracy: We’re not really best friends, we’re just good friends

Kenneth: I’m so sorry, Ms. Maroney.
Jenna: No.  Keep crying.  I want you to feel this so you never make this mistake again.
[Kenneth and Tracy cry]

Erin: And now for best school spirit, it’s Liz Lemon!  Come up on stage, Liz.
Liz: No thanks.  I don’t want it.
Erin: It comes with $50 gift card to Outback Steak House.
Liz: I want to go to there.

Jack: We cannot do this.  We cannot “Carrie” Liz Lemon!
Liz: What?  Not ok, guys!

Jack: We all have ways of coping.  I use sex and awesomeness.

Jessica: There’s somebody I want you to meet.  Larry, this is your son.
Liz: I am not Larry Braverman.  I repeat I am not Larry Braverman.  I am Liz Lemon’s platonic friend, Jack Donaghy.

Liz: Once and for all I want to say I’m sorry.
[Carrie blood drops]
Liz: You know what, suck it you whittling IHOP monkeys!
Jack: Lemon, the jets waiting.
Liz: That’s right!  A jet!  To New York City!  Lemon out!

Ratings: 4.3/7  7.18 Million Viewers. Weekly Rank: #50

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