Originally Aired: March 19, 2009
Written by: Tina Fey
Directed by: Tricia Brock

Summary:
LIZ (TINA FEY) LEARNS THAT DREW’S (GUEST STAR JON HAMM) GOOD LOOKS AND CHARM HAVE BROUGHT HIM SPECIAL TREATMENT. TRACY’S (TRACY MORGAN) CONTRACT IS UP FOR RENEGOTIATION AND JACK (ALEC BALDWIN) MUST FIND A WAY TO KEEP HIM AT “TGS.” MEREDITH VIEIRA ALSO GUEST STARS
As Liz (Fey) spends more time with her boyfriend Drew (Hamm), she finds that his handsomeness has allowed him to bypass many of the usual frustrations of daily life. While Liz deals with her new relationship, Jack (Baldwin) must find a way to convince Tracy (Morgan) to stay on at “TGS” after his contract expires. Jenna (Jane Krakowski) considers a new hairstyle to attract public attention. Jack McBrayer, Scott Adsit, Judah Friedlander and Katrina Bowden also star.

Promotional Pictures: Coming Soon!

Quotes:

Liz: Kenneth, I’m going to duck uptown and have lunch with my boyfriend.
Kenneth: Yes, mam.  Is that some code for older woman medical procedure?

Kenneth: A doctor?  Well don’t get too attached.  As soon as people don’t realize his tonics don’t work, it’s off to the next town.

Tracy: Hey Ken, you know I have a craving for?
Kenneth: Jerk chicken from that place in Mill Basin?
Tracy: And some…
Kenneth: Catalog photos of expecting mothers in their swim suits?
Tracy: You’re my Radar O’Riley, Ken.  Now get in here and rub my feet until you hear a chopper coming.

Jack: You know his contract is up.
Liz: Has it been that long?  Boy we sure have done some crazy things with Tracy in the last 3 years.
Jack: We sure have…
Liz: … I’m thinking about some of them now.
Jack: … Me too.

Jack: He invested all of it in a company that dismantles bank signs.  They’re doing very well.

Jack: Tracy and I have become quite close.  Look we got BFF bracelets.
Liz: You guys are Best Friends Forever?
Jack: That’s not what that stands for.  [Whispers in Liz’s ear]
Liz: Why would you celebrate that!

Woman: Hey, you really look nice today.
Drew: Thank you.
Liz: Do you know her?
Drew: No, I don’t think so.

Calvin Klein: Excuse me, I’m Calvin Klein, and I think you should be my next underwear model.
Drew: Wow, thanks. [Keeps walking]
Liz: You don’t want to get a card… or phone number…?

Jack: Beautiful people are treated differently, from, moderately pleasant looking people.
Cerie: It’s true.
Jack: They live in a bubble.  Bubble of free drinks, kindness and outdoor sex.

Jack: The Bubble isn’t always a bad think.  Look at me.  I turned out ok.  Didn’t I?
Liz: Jack, I want you to pay close attention to the following over the top eye roll. [Rolls Eyes]  Oh brother!

Jack: This is a photo of me when I was 25 years old.  [Shows Liz photo]
Liz: What the what?!  You have a Superman chest!
Jack: I know.

Liz: Oh my god, the lady will have two tickets to the gun show! And your eyes are so much bluer.  What happened to your eyes?

Jenna: As you probably know, especially if you read Page Six…of my publicist’s emails, I have decided to cut my hair and donate it to charity.
Kenneth: But Ms. Maroney, why would you cut your beautiful hair?  You look just how I picture Mary Magdalene.

Pete: I’ve already explained that.  That was a police sketch of a flasher that happened to look like Tracy, we hope.

Frank: You’ve got Buzz.  You were in that magazine that time.
[Magazine Page] Who wore it better?  Ms Piggy: 84% Jenna Maroney: 16%
Jenna: I don’t even know what you’re referring to.  And that was 2 years ago!

Kenneth: [to Pete] You’re what I think Judas looks like.

Tracy: This is better than a family.  No one around here asks me for my damn bone marrow.

Jack: Why don’t we make this easy on ourselves and renew your existing contract with a 3% increase.
Tracy: … Ok.  Sorry it took me so long to answer.  I was just thinking about how weird it is that we eat birds.

Tracy: How is this not about money?
Jack: Obviously you don’t really need to work…
Tracy: What’s that now, Charles?

Jack: Had he really not put that together?
Dot Com: Tracy is a tactile kinesthetic learning style.
Jack: [shakes fist] Dot Com… so help me god.

Liz: What is this?
Drew: Drew’s salmon burr mignon
Liz: What is this orangey taste?
Drew: Gatorade.

Drew: Are you choking?  I’m a doctor.  Stay calm.  I just need to shake it loose.  Don’t panic.  I just need something to push it down with.  Do you have a chopstick or a fireplace match or something?

Liz: Something happened with Drew.
Jack: Oh no. He’s not a BFF?
Liz: Ugh no never.  It’s the Bubble.  He is a doctor who doesn’t know the Heimlich maneuver.  He can’t play tennis.  He can’t cook.  He’s as bad at sex as I am.  But he has no idea.
Jack: That’s the danger of being in the Bubble.  When you’re handsome nobody ever tells you the truth.  For years I though I spoke excellent French. [Speaks “French”]
[Subtitles] Ffffghgg csdlkfj gekjl.

Jack: Lemon, did you tell him he was no good in tennis?
Liz: No, I let him win because I wanted to make out with him in the cab.

Jack: Be careful Lemon.  You wake a sleep walker, you risk getting urinated on.
Liz: Or thanked! On.

Liz: Wait a minute, are you hiding your screw up from me.
Jack: Don’t cling to this, Lemon.
Liz: [Jack impression] Be a manager.  Control your people.  Buy better clothes.
Jack: I’m allowing this because I made a misstep, I’m handling it, and Tracy will be here by Friday night.
Liz: [Jack impression] Just get it done.  Nope.  I lost it.  That was Batman.

Pete: This is serial killer language.

Jenna: My mother’s boyfriend raised me to believe a woman’s hair is her crown and glory. A haircut can make or break a career.  Before “the Rachel,” Jennifer Aniston was just a chunky nobody who couldn’t get a job.
Richard Esposito: Wasn’t she already on Friends?
Jenna: Richard Esposito, move to the back!  But if I make the wrong choice, I could end up like Keri Russell, Felicity season 2.

Jenna: Ok, let’s brainstorm.  Everybody shout out words that describe my beauty.
Pete: Fading.
Cerie: 80’s!
Richard Esposito: 1880’s.

Rick: [Doing Cosby impression on phone] Tracy, this is Bill Cosby.
Liz: Really, this you’re strategy?
Jack: I heard him do this at a party.
Rick: [As Cosby] I want you to come back to the TGS for the people who likes the jokes and the things.
Tracy: Bill Cosby!  You’ve got a lot of nerve getting on a  phone with me after what you did to my aunt Corvette!
Rick: [As Cosby] I think you’re confusing me with someone else.
Tracy: 1971.  Cincinnati.  She was the cocktail waitress with droopy eye!
Rick: [As Cosby] I’m the guy with the pudding…
Tracy: You trying to tell me what to do?! Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable with your light ass kids.  Jack, why would you make me talk to this man!
Jack: Tracy!  Don’t hang up!  [Impression] Tracy, this is Billy Dee Williams.  I just want to say I love your work.  It’s very smooth.

Jack: As Tracy’s family and inner circle, I wanted to enlist your help.
Tracy Jr.: I’m sorry.  You want our help with your problem?  Donaghy, you need to get our father back to work.
Jack: That’s what I’m trying to do.
Tracy Jr.: You want to see what he packed me for lunch today?  Mayonnaise.  And a pack of cigarettes.

Tracy Jr.: He set up a home recording studio in our rec room.
[Cut to Tracy singing] Tracy: My girl has a fat neck!  I’m sharp, let’s do it again.

Tracy Jr.: Thanks to you I now have an unemployed father.  You trying to make a stereotype out of me?  Did you even vote for Obama?!
Jack: We’ve heard from Tracy Jr.  Uh, where is your mother?
Tracy Jr.: She said she had to take a spa week before my dad broke it half.  What’d that even supposed to mean!?  I shouldn’t have to hear that!  I’m a child!

Liz: Because of your whole Disney Prince thing…
Drew: Actually they used footage of me from my high school swim team to draw Prince Eric.
Liz: Right.  Because of that, you live in a bubble where people do what you want and tell you what you want to hear.
Drew: I don’t think that’s true.
Liz: Drew, I’m going to tell you for your own good.  You can’t put Gatorade on salmon.
Drew: Oh yes you can.  The hot Italian lady from the Food Network told me so.
Liz: Did she say it on TV?
Drew: No she said it me when she jumped escalators to try to… oh…

Drew: That’s it!  I quit!  This racket is a fart!  And you cheat!  You’re a cheating bitch!

Kenneth: I know Mr. Jordan like the back of my stepfather Ron’s hand.  I know all of his ATM pin codes.  I know when he’s cranky and needs his binky.  And I know that by binky he means 1970’s pornography.

Kenneth: Tonight I have to ride my bike over to his house in New Jersey to hold his during Lost.

Jack: That’s it!  Kenneth, don’t you see?  You’re our Ace in the Hole.
Kenneth: How dare you!

Jack: Don’t answer that.  It could be Tracy.
Kenneth: But I have to answer the phone.  That’s my job… [voice] Ello.  Studio 6H.  This is… Cranston.
Tracy: Oh hey Cranston.  I was looking for Kenneth.
Kenneth: He’s not here.  But where ever he is I’m sure he loves you very much.

Jenna: Liz, you seem really stressed out.  You want to talk about what’s going on?
Liz: I just hope it’s not a mistake.
Jenna: Well maybe it is.  But you have to listen to your heart.
Liz: But why meddle with something that was great.
Jenna: Oh Liz.  It will grow back.
Liz: What?
Jenna: We’re talking about my hair, right?

Tracy: [singing] Fat necked girl, let me count your neck rings!

Tracy: Family!  Who’s in charge of my thirst!

Tracy: Cranston?  Why are you crying?

Kenneth: This is too hard. Mr. Donaghy.  I can not stand by while Mr. Jordan dies of dehydration in his recording studio.  Plus I started to dream as Cranston.

Meredith Vieira: So this is for Locks of Love?
Jenna: Oh no. Locks of Love turned me down.  They said my hair was too processed for a sick person to wear.  But this is for a wonderful charity called Merkins of Hope.

Meredith Vieira: So what about that crazy news that Tracy has quite TGS?
Jenna: What?
Meredith Vieira: Oh yeah word is he quit over a contract dispute.  Guess you’re the only star left on that show.
Jenna: No.  No!  Stop!  Stop cutting my hair! I don’t need this anymore!

Jack: I’m very disappointed, Kenneth.
Kenneth: I know.  I blew it.  I guess I’m only farm strong and not heart strong.

Liz: So you are pulling that look off.

Drew: I didn’t like it outside The Bubble, Liz.  It was very ironic.
Liz: No it wasn’t.  That’s not how you use that word.
Drew: Stop it.  I want to use ironic however I want.  I want to stay in the bubble.

Drew: I guess I’ll see you around then.  Or as the French say. [Speaks random “French’]
[Subtitle] Ffffghgg csdlkf gekjl.

Ratings: 7.134 million viewers (4.4/7 Share. 3.2/8 in the demo.) Weekly Rank: #48

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