Originally Aired: April 23, 2009
Written by: Jack Burditt
Directed by: Beth McCarthy

Summary: JACK AND ELISA THINK SERIOUSLY ABOUT THEIR ENGAGEMENT AND JACK SEEKS ADVICE FROM TRACY ABOUT THE REALITY OF MARRIED LIFE.
Jack decides his commitment to Elisa is serious enough to go shopping for an engagement ring with Liz. Tracy, ironically, is the one Jack turns to for advice on how to deal with the pressures of married life. Meanwhile, Elisa divulges to Liz she is keeping a secret. When a prank results in an injury back at “TGS,” Jenna loses her cool over an attractive EMT.

Promotional Pictures: High Quality

Quotes:

Jack: Hi.  I’m looking for an engagement ring.
Attendant: [Looks over Liz] Are you sure?

Liz: In my experience “let’s think about it” usually ends up with me watching “Solid Gold” in my basement on prom night.

Jack: I’ve coined a new term to describe what Elisa is to me: The One.
Liz: The One?
Jack: As in The One for me.  The One that I’m meant to be with. Get it? The One.
Liz: You should be a writer.

Liz: Oh god, there’s a vent!

Attendant: She’s very spirited.  Like a show horse.

Liz: Hey, where are my Snowballs?  I was going to go to the gym later so I deserve a treat.

Liz: The only reason I’m allergic to dogs is because one bit me the first time I god my period.
Kenneth: No allergies are real.  If I have a strawberry, my throat shuts up faster than a girl in math class.
Jenna: I didn’t know you had allergies.  You know if my cousin Stephanie eats a walnut her throat shuts up faster than a Pilipino at a…
Liz: Guys!  Come on…

Frank: There’s not food in here.  Just doughnut box with a mouse in it.
Liz: Oh are the Pranksmen going after Lutz again?
Lutz: Did someone say my name?  Awesome doughnuts!  Ah!

Tracy: This present has to be special.  It’s either going to be a denim jacket that says “Hot Bitch” in diamonds.
Liz: Uh huh…
Tracy: Or a Slinket.

Tracy: You are wise, Liz Lemon.  Like a genetically manipulated shark.

Liz: Puerto Rican!

Elisa: I’m afraid he’s going to want to go through with his purposing of marriage.  Sorry I haven’t spoken English in two menses.

Liz: Are you a man?
Elisa: Really?  That’s your guess?  A man?  Do you want to see me naked?
Liz: Sort of…

Elisa: Goodbye forever Liz Lemon. [Kisses Liz]
Liz: I see why he likes it.

Pete: I hope you guys have learned your lesson.  Because of what you did we almost lost a monitor.

Jenna: I’m sorry, you’re a big fan of mine and you’re not gay?  Not even bi-curious?
Hot EMT: I don’t know what to tell you.  I love your show.  I read your blog.  I’ve got all your albums.  Even the one you did Phil Specter.
Jenna: I still think that would have sold much better if he shot me in the face.

Cerie: Jenna, US Weekly is calling to confirm a story that your Animal Rescue shelter is supplying quesadilla meat to amusement parks.
Jenna: What?  I need to call my lawyer!

Jack: Wiggo.com. Sheinhardt Wig’s user generated video content site.  All anybody posted on it were penisis.

Elisa: I’m back!  Let’s get married!
Jack: I’ll call Plunder and have them hold a table, so we can celebrate in style.  And carbo load for the reunion sex.

Jenna: [Walks into Pete’s office Singing] Baby cried the day the circus came to town.
Pete: Uh… You ok?
Jenna: Oh.  I didn’t see you there.  I’m fine.  [Singing] Don’t Cry out loud!!

Jenna: I met this cute paramedic yesterday.  He thinks I’m incredible.  We’re perfect for each other!

Jenna: I called 9-1-1.  They wouldn’t even connect me to their celebrity service.

Pete: There’s this question psychiatrists use to identify sociopaths.  A woman goes to her mother’s funeral where she meets the perfect man.  It’s love at first sight.  But he leaves before she finds out who he is.  So what does do to see him again?
Jenna: She kills her father hoping that the guy will come to that funeral too!
Pete: That’s correct!  Oh boy…
Jenna: Thanks for the advice!
Pete: No no no that wasn’t advice!

Tracy: Liz Lemon, you dummy.
Liz: I’m wearing it as a joke!

Tracy: You know my signature move with the ladies.  It’s taking off my shirt.
Liz: Taking off your shirt.

Tracy: Now it’s a Sophie’s choice.  I can’t get this tattoo and I can’t tell Angie no.
Liz: What do you want me to say?  I’m sorry I made it harder for you to cheat on your wife?
Tracy: That’s a start Liz Lemon.  That’s a start.

Kenneth: My real name is Dick Whitman!

Liz: Elisa has a terrible secret!  My current theory is she’s the mother of those Michael Jackson kids!

Liz: Ooh writing on green.  Why?!

Liz: Puerto Rican!
Elisa: Really Lemon?

Elisa: I’m sorry to tell suck a dark secret while wearing suck a silly t-shirt.  I was married once and I killed my husband.

Jack: Why aren’t you in jail?
Elisa: They through my case out.  I couldn’t get an impartial jury after that song came out.

Grizz: How about this.  You get the tattoo.  But when you hit the clubs, you draw a mane around the face with a marker and make it look like a lion named Tangiers.
Tracy: Dot Com, that is a great idea.  If you want everyone to think I own a gay lion!  Tangiers!?

Grizz: No judgment in brainstorming.

Liz: Have you ever met anyone’s that’s killed somebody?  I think my grandpa may have.  But he never really liked to talk about what happened at… Kent State.

Jack: I’m 50.  To put it in perspective that’s like 32 for ladies.

Liz: I guess I really don’t understand men.
Jack: Nobody ever said you did, Lemon?

EMT: Mam are you taking any medication?
Jenna: Yes.

Jenna: So there are different shifts.  Like on a Sheiks pleasure yacht

Jack: Lemon,
Liz: It’s not placement!  I just like it!
Jack: What?
Liz: What?

Liz: Oh yes, what a quandary?  Oh wait I have a suggestion: Don’t cheat!

Liz: I’m sorry, I just do not get you guys.
Jack: Again, that’s not being disputed.  But my options for male advice around here is limited

Jack: Face it.  You are the closest thing to a man working here right now.

Jack: Tracy, I need your help.  My fiancé murdered her ex husband when he cheated on her.
Tracy: Continue.
Jack: I love her.  But the only way I can make sure that I won’t stray…
Tracy: Is for me to arrange a test of erotic temptation.

Pete: Somehow Kenneth ate strawberries again and now he’s gone into acute strawberry shock.
Jenna: Is that a thing?
Toofer: Just ask this real EMT?
EMT: We’re going to have to cut off his hands to get the sickness out.  He’s going to have to learn how to urinate with his feet.
Pete: How could this happen again!

Jenna: I’m sorry, but I am not a monster.  I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy she’s poisoned.  So this other boy would go to town on her.

Pete: Jenna do you feel genuine remorse?  Thank god.  Sociopath downgraded to extreme narcissist.

Toofer: Or you might once again feel the righteous lash, of the Pranksmen.

Jack: This is decadent.  And once went to Miami with Darryl Strawberry.

Tracy: This is my terrible secret.  In 20 years that I’ve known her.  I’ve never cheated on my wife.

Tracy: All the partying is just for show.  And because I’m a high functioning alcoholic.  All the phone numbers you see me hand out, they’re not even mine.
[Flashback]
Brain Williams: [answering phone] Hello?  No this isn’t Tracy Jordan.  Really?  I’ve never heard of that term before.  Do you know how to get to Connecticut?

Kenneth: Oh Ms Maroney, it’s horrible to think that you might have found your true love only to loose him.
Jenna: It hurts more than my foot botox to know that he’s out there and I have no way to find him.

Kenneth: Earn this!
Jenna: I will.  You remarkable son of a bitch!

Liz: [singing] Working on my night cheese…

Jack: We can all learn a lot from Tracy Jordan.  We went out clubbing.  His life was like Enron 1999.  It was wild.

Liz: How are you so quiet when your parades are so loud?

Jack: Wait a minute?  You’re jealous of Lemon?  That’s insane!
Liz: Yeah, I mean look at me!

Elisa: She’s your bro.

Elisa: I get a ring on my finger for one day, and I start acting like Glenn Close in Attracion Fatal.
Liz: Wow that has a whole different title here.
Elisa: Lemon, isn’t there a Slanket somewhere you should be filling with your farts?

Elisa: I love to deeply and eventually makes me Loco for Choco Puffs.

Elisa: Is it my English, or was that not a great breaking up speech?
Jack: It was your English.  It was quite moving.

Liz: Boy you look happy.  Did you settle that lawsuit over your exercise tape?
Jenna: Even better.  I had an amazing date last night.  And it’s all thanks to Kenneth.
Kenneth: It was nothing.  Sure I was legally dead for 5 minutes, but I did it for true love.
Jenna: Well actually it turns out that Roger has sole custody of his 5 year old son, so [Thumbs down, fart noise]

Liz: Tracy, did you even go home last night?  And where’s your shirt?
Tracy: No.  And at Large.

Liz: Wow, that is one gay lion.

Ratings: 6.29 million viewers (3.9/6 Share. 3.1/8 in the demo.) Weekly Rank: #51

«3.18 - Jackie Jormp-Jomp

3.20 - The Natural Order»