Originally Aired: October 15th, 2009
Written by: Tina Fey
Directed by: Don Scardino

Summary: JACK (ALEC BALDWIN) MAKES ADJUSTMENTS TO SAVE MONEY AND STAY RELEVANT DURING THE RECESSION. STEVE BUSCEMI GUEST STARS — Jack (Baldwin) informs Liz (Tina Fey), Tracy (Tracy Morgan) and Jenna (Jane Krakowski) that “TGS” needs to make immediate adjustments to become more relatable. In an effort to do their part, Jenna (Krakowski) decides to makeover her image, while Tracy (Morgan) attempts to regain touch with the common man. In the meantime, Jack sends Liz (Fey) and Pete (Scott Adsit) on a mission to scout new “TGS” talent while Kenneth (Jack McBrayer) leads a Page strike. Judah Friedlander and Keith Powell also star. (NBC).

Promotional Pictures: High Quality

Quotes:

Jack: Hello, everyone. I’m so happy to see all of you, and to welcome you to Season Four. …Which is of course the name of this restaurant.

Liz: Alright! Cheesy Blasters! [Singing] You take a hot dog, stuff it with some jack cheese, fold it in a pizza! You got cheesy blasters! …And then all the kids say ‘thanks Meat Cat!’ and then Meat Cat flies away on his um… skateboard.

Jack: These Cheesy Blasters are here to teach us a lesson. The economy is struggling. And you’re parent company is struggling with it. Why? Because we’ve lost touch with the Heartland consumers, with the Real America.
Liz: Ok that’s a nonsense term. All of America is America.

Tracy: Before I made it in stand up, I was a bucket drummer in the subway.
Liz: That’s not a real job.
Tracy: Oh yeah? Then how come I got sued for sexual harassment at it?

Tracy: You know how St. Barts people be eating their lobster like this. [Mimics eating lobster] Don’t look at me in the eyes!

Tracy: I have lost touch with my roots? I have to talk to Rabbi Shrewley about this.

Liz: Going country? What’s that?
Jenna: It’s a totally legitimate career move, Liz. The best way for a women to get heat in this industry is to either record a country album or have a lesbian relationship.

Jack: We’ll trick those race car loving wide-loads into watching your lefty homoerotic propaganda hour yet!
Liz: You just don’t like anybody, do you?

Jack: Those two don’t test well outside the cities.
Liz: Oh he’s burning money again. What about Josh?
Jack: Josh, right. I forgot about that guy. Think that’s a good sign?

Jack: Every division of the company is reaching out to the middle of the country. Our new mammogram machine is called the “Get ‘Er Done 2000.”

Pete: Another actor? Why? They have so many feelings and opinions.

Liz: Remember when Jenna thought that blonde intern wanted to be an actress.
[Flashback]
Intern: I’m studying acting and singing and someday I’m going to be just like you.
[Jenna attacks her.]
Pete: We never did find her ear lobe.

Liz: No one can know about this.
Cerie: Know about what?
Liz: Pete’s stealing money!
Pete: Liz’s uterus fell out!
Cerie: Huh, I think I already knew that.

Kenneth: Sir, I have a problem with my time card.
Jack: So naturally you came to me, because this company is just the two of us.

Jack: Thanks to Comrade Obama’s recession we have to cut over time for pages.

Jack: I had to downsize the payroll department to one guy and an envelope stuffing machine.
Worker: [Whispering] Today’s my birthday

Pete: Elizabeth, I have your paycheck.
Liz: Thank you, Peter.

Pete: Well luckily everyone here is dumb and you and I are good at lying.
Frank: What are you two love birds whispering about?
Liz: Nothing!
Pete: Uterus! Nothing!

Tracy: I blame you and Dot Com. You two have formed a protective shell around me like a hermit crab, or a mermaid booby.

Tracy: So Rolly, where you from?
Rolly: Brooklyn.
Tracy: Right on, brother. My dear friend Moby opened up a tea house in Park Slope. Does he know you?

Tracy: Hey, Rolly, you ever loose your remote control?
Rolly: Yeah. [Laughs]
Tracy: And then your wife starts getting all mad because the roof won’t close and the bed that’s in the shape of your face is getting rained on. [Laughs] I like you, Rolly. Can I feel the rough skin on your hands?

Tracy: Which one is the elevator I’m not afraid of?

Kenneth: John Frances Donahgy. Hey, he’s got a girl’s middle name too.

Liz: I thought you were leaving 10 minutes ago, of me. Well we’re going two separate places so it’s not weird.
Pete: No nothing never weird now.

Toofer: Hey, Liz, do you want to share a cab?
Liz: I can’t. I’m picking up my new…tritionist, and his elderly…son. So…
Toofer: Pete, are you driving uptown?
Pete: Love you too! Bye!

Jack: I’ll give you a New York Minute. That’s 7 seconds.
Kenneth: Well sir, we pages, and I, feel that me and they, are not being treated fairly as regards, pay checking! I’m nervous.

Kenneth: Sir, I accidentally saw your paycheck.
Jack: Well I hope it was inspirational.
Kenneth: Those zeroes. It’s down right un-American.
Jack: That’s where you’re wrong, Kenneth. It’s extremely American. My talents are more valuable than yours. So I’m paid accordingly, therefore I’m entitled to my bonus.
Kenneth: That’s a bonus check?!

Kenneth: Bonus means extra. I know that from game shows.

Jack: I didn’t lie, Kenneth, I massaged the truth.

Jack: I like you, Kenneth, but you don’t want to mess with me right now. I’m right in the middle of a RAGING PERIOD… of economic turmoil.

Tracy: Ken, how do I get out of this building!

Kenneth: What do we want?!
Pages: To get your sandwiches!
Kenneth: When do we want it?
Pages: Whenever it will be convenient for you!

Jack: Lemon, how’s our talent search going?
Liz: The worst. I’m lying to everybody about something I don’t even want to be doing. Pete and I keep accidentally touching knees under those little comedy club tables.

Jack: Do you know the song “Are you Ready for Some Football?”
Jenna: Do I? That’s what my phone plays whenever Ray Lewis calls me.

Liz: What sports does NBC have these days?
Jack: Oh off season tennis.

Liz: Where’s Kenneth?
Jack: Picketing the building. Whatever religious undergarment Kenneth wears is in a twist.

Tracy: Hello, is anyone there? I’m in a dark tunnel, and I see a man with a blue uniform. I think he’s a friend. Oh never mind, there’s a door. Oh! It’s sunny!

Tracy: Hello fellow human being. Would you like to ask me what time it is?
Are you a large child or a small adult?
You look regular. Could I guess your name? Is it Pedro? Is it Carigford? Is it Swimming?
Are you a preop-transcentaur?
Excuse me, do you have change for a $10,000 bill?
I would like some chicken nuggets, a beer and some of my wife’s rice to stay.
Excuse me sir, you want to hold hands with a black millionaire?
Does anyone want to be my friend? I’m normal!

Jack: Len, this page strike is an embarrassment to me.
Len: I get it. It’s like I tell my assistant, ‘Your weight is a reflection on me.’

Len: Let me ask you a question, Mr. Donaghy. How do you kill a snake?
Jack: Cut off the head.
Len: Of course! Thank you. Now I won’t be afraid to go into my garage.

Len: They used to call me The Cameleon. Because of my slender frame and big wet eyes.

Liz: Has anyone seen my wallet? And LL Bean child’s wallet from the 1970s? There’s no money in it, but I was one who punch away from a free Tasty Delight. Damn it to hell! I hate my life!
Pete: Liz! Maybe you left your wallet in a friends car last night?
Liz: Maybe. And maybe I will run into that friend again tonight and then I’ll get it back from… her.
Pete: Yes, she will get it back to you, when he goes home and gets it back from her wife.

Frank: You guys left together last night. And then later I saw you in front of a comedy club!
Pete: Uterus! Oh.

Frank: Are you guys doing it?
Liz: Yes. Yes. We are doing it. So there you go. Case closed. Pete and I are intercoursing each other.

Paula: Liz, I found your wallet in what our children call “Big Wed Cawr.”
Liz: No, Paula! No.
Paula: No let me get through this. If this is what Pete needs, I would be willing to welcome you into our love making.
Liz: No!
Paula: Now I know I haven’t been very sexual since my mother died…

Liz: But you can’t tell any of the actors.
Josh: Do you not see me?
Liz: Argh, dang it. I keep forgetting about you.

Josh: You know what? I’ve had it with this place. I don’t need this show because I could get a job tomorrow, in the Air Force. I quit! [Tries to throw table.]
Liz: Somebody help him out for god’s sake.
Frank: You have to use your lower backs.
Liz: That’s incorrect. Lift with your legs.

Kenneth: Attention. Attention everyone. Strike update! I am happy to report that Local 415 has joined our cause.
Len: I think we should just give up. Yeah Brandon’s right.
Kenneth: They’re a blanket union that includes Mall Santas, Horse Whisperers and Bucket Drummers!
Len: Hey dudes, I’m organizing a viral protest on Tweeter and YouTubes. Anyone wants to get in on that, just write down your social security numbers.
Kenneth: I’m sorry, Brandon, what show are you assigned to again?
Len: Donahue.

Dot Com: Hey, Tray. How’s the connecting to the common man going?
Tracy: It’s going great, Dot Com. Meet my new friends; Nobody, and his wife Susan Walters-Nobody.

Kenneth: And what do we want?
Pages: More overtime!
Mall Santas: Cleaner beards!

Tracy: 2! 4! 6! 8! 10! 12! 14! 16! 18!…

Liz: Ok I have to tell her Josh quit without her getting wind of the new cast member part.
Pete: Well, do it now while she’s drunk on attention. Or in an hour when she’s just drunk.

Liz: You look pretty!
Jenna: Did you what happened? I am so upset.
Liz: Oh no. Ok, let me explain.

Jenna: I came in here to shoot these tennis promos, and they have blue gels on the lights. You know they make my teeth look see through.

Liz: Jack is hiring a new cast member.
Jenna: IF IT IS A BLONDE WOMAN, I WILL KILL MYSELF!
Jenna: [Picketing] Jenna Maroney is great! No new cast members!
Tracy: A new what?! IF IT’S A BLONDE WOMAN, I WILL KILL MYSELF!

Len: I don’t know what to tell you, Mr. Donaghy. Sympathy strikers. Celebrities. Clever signs. This strike is getting out of control.

Jack: Take Parcell down!
Len: I can’t! He was impervious to the nypho co-ed, Charlene LaRoulle.

Jack: Where’s the bar?
Kenneth: Well there’s a bar in the shower that the previous tenant installed to keep from slipping. He still died in there, though.

Pete: We could rerun episode 214.
Liz: No no no that’s the one where Tracy tore up that picture of the pope.
Pete: In his defense that was Pope Innocent IV, because he increased taxation in the papal states.

Liz: It’s not my fault. Blame Jack, or Kenneth, or Tracy, or Meat Cat, because I’ve had the Cheesy Blasters for three days.

Kenneth: The strike is over!
Page: What did we get?
Kenneth: A piece of paper that I can’t really tell you about!
Page: Was this strike just over a personal think between you and Mr. Donaghy?
Jack: Massage it, Kenneth.
Kenneth: No! It wasn’t!

Jenna: [singing] It’s tennis night in America,
Got some buds got some brews,
It’s gonna be a fight,
Put down your meth,
Slip on your whites,
Cause here in Real America it’s Tennis Night!
Serve it up and smash it the American way.
Announcer: Slawomir Mleczko VS Krzysztof Mlynarkiewicz in the Barnett Cup Semifinal. In the what?
Jenna: Got my lawn chair and truck,
Not an ocean in sight,
So kiss my ass New York,
cause it’s Tennis Night!

Liz: I hate that I kind of like that.
Jack: Step into the light, Lemon. There’s nothing wrong with being fun and popular and just giving people what they want. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jay Leno.

Ratings: 6.386 Million viewers. 3.9/6 Share. 3.0/8 in the demo.

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