Originally Aired: January 14th, 2010
Written by: Steve Hely
Directed by: Don Scardino

Summary: 01/14/2010 (09:30PM - 10:00PM) (Thursday) : JEALOUSY BREWS WHEN LIZ (TINA FEY) AND JACK (ALEC BALDWIN) FIGHT FOR DANNY’S (CHEYENNE JACKSON) ATTENTION.
When Liz (Tina Fey) and Danny (Cheyenne Jackson) further their relationship, Jack (Alec Baldwin) becomes jealous and plans to break them apart. Meanwhile, Tracy (Tracy Morgan) recruits Sue (Sue Galloway) into his entourage, and Jenna (Jane Krakowski) auditions for a role on “Gossip Girl.” Also starring: Jack McBrayer (Kenneth), Scott Adsit (Pete), Judah Friedlander (Frank), Keith Powell (Toofer), John Lutz (Lutz), Katrina Bowden (Cerie), Kevin Brown (Dotcom), and Grizz Chapman (Grizz).

Promotional Pictures: High Quality!

Quotes:

Danny: I want to be TGS’s Steve Nash, come down from Canada, work hard, and make the black guy look good.
Jack: Did you just make a sports reference? Do you know how little of that I get here?
Liz: Look at me in the black light, it’s Tron! Watch out Sark, it’s me Flynn! Light Bike.

Liz: Good job tonight, Danny. Robot Lorenzo Lamas was funny. As was Robot Ryan Seacrest and David Hassel-bot.
Danny: It’s the writing.
Liz: It’s really not.

Liz: There are other men…
Lutz: It’s not what you think. Its something I need to wear to support my breasts!

Jack: Lemon, I have seasons tickets to every sports team in New York. So close you feel like you’re sitting in front of a HD Television. And they’re wasted on you and your co-workers.
Liz: Why won’t they put me on the Jumbotron? I’ve been doing cool stuff all game.

Toofer: But my biggest problem with Quidditch is the Snitch is worth 150 points, why does anyone bother with the Quaffle?
Jenna: Hey! Jeter! Are you jealous!? I’m with my new boyfriend! [makes out with Jack]

Jack: He’s confided in me he has a little something going with one of the girls here. Maybe it’s that Russian dancer with the tattoos, which is the sex trifecta.
Liz: That girl has a name Jack. We call her Skankovitch.

Jack: You’d be in your office late at night. The new girl will come in with some flimsy excuse to be there. “Oh Mr. Donaghy I forgot to give you the factory worker death rates.” She’d laugh at your lame joke, touch of the arm, and you’d take your reward.
Liz: How drunk are you?
Jack: “A lot” to “very.”

Jack: Is it the body paint? Or is Danny just glowing like a beacon of manly commodore? Oh god, I’m extremely drunk.

Jenna: Liz, I can’t do girls lunch today,
Liz: We’ve never done that.
Jenna: …because I have an audition for Gossip girl.
Pete: Oh I love that show.

Jenna: I play Tartine Gramersy, a heiress to a Vermouth fortune and a freshman at NYU.

Jenna: In the scene they gave me I’m fighting with my mother, a washed up actress who’s clinging on to her last scraps of faded glamor.
Pete: It’s interesting they highlighted the mother’s lines.
Jenna: That’s so I know what part not to read. As if the word “mother” didn’t tip me off already.

Pete: What happens when she gets there and finds out she’s the mom?
Liz: Oh Pete, that’s later. Maybe we’ll be dead by then.
Pete: Oh, that’d be great.

Tracy: What’s on the schedule for today?
Dot Com: 10am, Dot Com shows us picture from his trip to Greece.
Tracy: I think I’m going to go ahead and cancel that.
Dot com: Ok, I’ll reschedule… again.

Tracy: I think we should let the new member choose an activity.
Sue: I like to go to Tasty Delight.
Tracy: I said we’re not going to a strip club.
Sue: Pink Berry?
Tracy: What don’t you understand, I don’t want to take you to a strip club!

Jack: Hey, is it that chick lawyer who does the sexual harassment presentation because she’s asking for it.

Danny: So we’re getting into it, and she takes off her glasses. Real sexy. She never takes off her shoes, which I kind of like. Even though the reason is she’s never let a man see her feet.
Jack: What?
Danny: And she’s kind of a tease. Mostly we just kiss and she makes me go down to the deli to get her a sandwich. So we haven’t got too far. But under that dress I can tell she’s wearing some weird underwear. I want to see it
Jack: They’re called spanx.

Casting director: Ok Tartine has just discovered videos of her boyfriend on her mother’s online sex diary?
Jenna and Actress: Mother is there something I don’t know about you a Wrainwright?

Jack: So, we haven’t talked about your personal life lately. Anything new going on there?
Liz: No same old noting.
Jack: Nothing? Really, that’s too bad. Because you know what I always say? Black Light Attack!

Danny: Hey Liz, I just wanted to show you this new iPhone ap. You shake it and it sounds like an empty can.
Liz: My favorite aps are the ones before my entre.
Danny: [laughs] Oh my god that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. [touches her arm] So what are you up to right now?

Liz: What you were just talking about how you missed office hookups. That is a double standard.
Jack: Calm down.
Liz: No I won’t calm down. Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.

Jack: What did he do to the back of your knees?
Liz: A lady never tells.

Crew: [to Sue] Hey Barbie, you like Italian ice?
Tracy: Hey watch your mouth she’s only 34 years old!

Tracy: K, what’s wrong with me? First I don’t want to go to strip clubs, then I get angry at the hilarious dude who says something awesome.

Tracy: I’m not like that with my sons. When they were little I threw them into the deep end of our pool to help them get over their fear of sharks.

Kenneth: A whole new part of your heart has opened up.
Tracy: Thank god! Cause the doctors keep telling me it’s pretty clogged.

Liz: Hey there, Pete. Jenna just got.
[Pete runs away]

Jenna: A mother? I’m not a mother. Would a mother be planning a sex tour of Vietnam this summer?

Liz: You’re a beautiful woman but you can’t play prom queens and murdered runaways.
Jenna: But those were my majors at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks.

Liz: You can fight getting older, you can be like Madonna and cling to your youth with those golem arms. Or you can be like Meryl Streep and embrace your age with elegance.

Jenna: I will emulate my acting inspiration. A woman of profound poise who’s career is what we all aspire to.
Liz: Ok this build up is making me nervous.
Jenna: A woman who’s feminine grace and normal outfits are an inspiration.
Liz: Just say who it is and I’ll feel better.
Jenna: Someone who’s very name sounds for adoring beauty and adoring womanhood and beauty.
Liz: Please don’t say…
Jenna: Madonna!

Danny: I know were supposed to pre tape that Robot V Wade cold open tonight but Jack said I could skip it.

Liz: Meet me in my office in five minutes.
Danny: Ok just let me change.
Liz: Ju… hmm no that won’t be necessary.

Pete: What are you happy about? Did we get cancelled?!

Lutz: Cerie’s the only one that can hear it. The rest of us are too old.
Jenna: Oh not me. I can hear it! Ugh! My ears are like dying! Facebook!

Frank: I also downloaded a low frequency tone that can only be heard by people over 40.
Jenna: [Yelling] Have you started playing it yet?!
Jack: [Yelling] Lemon, can I speak with you for a moment?
Kenneth: [Yelling] What is happening to me?!

Jack: I had a Porterhouse for 2 alone. I am very angry and sleepy.

Jack: This is from Danny’s CHIPs costume, what is it doing up here?
[Flashback]
Liz: Officer what’s going on up there?
Danny: It’s an accident. A really bad one. [They make out]

Jack: This badge is a symbol of dignity, honor, and dramatized 1970s interethnic California daytime motorcycle highway justice.

Jack: For 4 years I’ve had to make do with what passes for men in this place, with their untucked shirts, boneless faces, their Stars, both Wars and Trek.

Jack: Danny can’t be my alpha male wingman, and his bosses little scrump nugget.

Tracy: Where are you going? It’s board game night.
Sue: Out!
Tracy: Out? With whom?
Sue: This guy, Doug.
Tracy: Does this guy Doug have a last name?

Sue: You can’t make me stay here.
Tracy: You are part of this Entourage.
Sue: I didn’t ask to be in this Entourage!
Tracy: I know you didn’t mean that.
Sue: I did mean that. I’m not like you! I’ll never be like you!

Danny: She has really thin lips but she makes up with it in tongue girth.

Dr. Sanjay Gupta: Female libido does tend to peak in those years just before menopause. In what scientists, doctors like myself are calling their Dirty Thirties.

Danny: Hey when did we add this Grizzly Adams sketch.
Liz: Oh I added it last night. Late. This shirt should be filthier.
Jack: If you were a man, you’d have to register yourself as a sex criminal.

Liz: I will like you to all meet Tom, Tom Selleck. He’s my mustache.

Tracy: There you are! Your Kenneth and I were worried about you.
Sue: I think Doug put something in my drink and I don’t remember…

Tracy: Having a girl in your life is different. You want to protect her and the best you can hope for is someday a nice man will come and take her from you.
Liz: Hey, Sue, I need you in the writer’s room.
Tracy: Here he is now.

Tracy: I wouldn’t, not for a billion doll hairs.
Kenneth: I’m sorry did you say doll hairs?
Tracy: Yeah, they’re not worth nothing. You could probably sell them to a doll company and get forty grand for them.

Jack: I never told anyone this. And that’s why if you ask they won’t know what you’re talking about. Because it’s a secret. Not because it’s a lie.
Danny: Ok, I understand.
Jack: Good. Now here’s my secret. My secret is I’m in love with Liz Lemon. It’s true. It was love at first sight. I ache for her sexually. How could I not? I’m entranced by those mud colored eyes, set back, and that skin. Her laugh. Her walk that splay footed walk. And that…situation right there. And her mustache? (Good god, Lemon!)

Actress: Oh mother I can’t believe you’re dying of old age.
Jenna: Don’t cry for me Tartine. I’ve had a full life. Oh the things I’ve seen. The first Clinton administration. The Nagano Olympics. Microsoft Windows 95. But I’m 41 now. Time… to die.

Liz: What did you say you loved about me? Did you talk about my body? Did you say you how you liked to watch me dance?
Jack: You’re embarrassing yourself, Lemon.
Liz: It started off as a joke, but it’s becoming real! I don’t care I’m having a good time!

Ratings: 4.983 Million Viewers. (3.1/5 Share. 2.3/6 in the Demo.)

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