Originally Aired: March 11th, 2010
Written by:
Directed by:

Summary:  JACK’S FUTURE IS AT STAKE WHEN A RUMOR SURFACES THAT SHEINHARDT WIG COMPANY MIGHT BE SELLING NBC. ELIZABETH BANKS RETURNS IN HER GUEST STARRING ROLE AS AVERY JESSUP AND MICHAEL SHEEN GUEST STARS.
Jack’s (Alec Baldwin) dreams come crashing down when Avery (guest star Elizabeth Banks) informs him that a cable company is rumored to buy out NBC. Meanwhile Liz (Tina Fey) tracks down the man of her dreams whom she met in her dentist’s waiting room, while Jenna (Jane Krakowski) reluctantly assists Tracy (Tracy Morgan) in pursuing a Tony Award.

Promotional Pictures: High Quality!
Quotes:

Liz: While you were watching me after my oral surgery, did I put a toaster waffle into my DVD player?
Jack: You did.  You watched it for about an hour, said Nicole Kidman should get an Oscar for it, and then turned it off.

Jack: You kept trying to order home massages on Craig’s List.
Liz: Thank god you were here.
“Masseuse”: Hey did somebody order a massage?!
Liz: You’re too late!  I already killed her!

Avery: If the pervert community gets wind of morning jogging, god help us.

Jack: How would a company from Philadelphia buy a company for New York?  That would be like Vietnam defeating the United States in a ground war.

Avery: I read his autobiography, “Geiss Cubes.”  Whatever that means.

Jack: The principles in this book are timeless.  I can open to any page… “Because a woman’s brain has fewer folds”…ok hang on.  “The Negroid musculature…”

Liz:  Hey where is Frank.  He still hasn’t rewritten the Olympic sketch about (Dub) Lindsey Vonn who the (Dub) Gold metal for skiing!

Kenneth: Mr. Rossitano called and said he over slept and I should make up an excuse for him.  So here goes:  On his way to work, he found some magic beans, and because he believed in them.
Liz: Shibab!

Jenna: Your dentist gets drunk with you too?

Kenneth: That’s so romantic.  Just like that movie I only saw the first ten minutes of, Fatal Attraction.

Liz: I don’t have any memory of this guy.  I don’t know what he looks like.  He could be a serial killer.  He could wear a thumb ring.

Tracy: Excuse me!  Do you know who you’re talking to?  A future Tony nominated actor!  That’s right.  It is Tony eligibility season, and I’m going for the T in my EGOT.

Liz: Have you prepared anything?
Tracy: What am I, a nerd?!

Jack: Why is it so quiet in here?  Why aren’t the phones ringing?  Is it senior executive skip day?  That’s usually in the spring so we can go to an amusement park.

Jonathan: Maybe we are the last people on earth.  Maybe we are Legend.  You’re Will Smith and I’m the dog.

Jack: How are you going to explain your unnamed executive to your producer?
Avery: I’m going to tell him it’s a guy I’m having sex with.  It’s a 24 hour news cycle we really don’t have time to do it right anymore.

Jack: I’m actually finishing up a meeting right now.
Jonathan: Rhubarb Rhubarb. Golf.  Prostate.

Jonathan: If anything should happen to me, I want you to read “Oh the Places You’ll Go” at my funeral.
Jack: I’m not going to do that.

Liz: When can I start eating hard cheeses again, doctor?
Dr. Kaplan: I’ve had this pamphlet printed up.  It was expensive but I’m tired of discussing this with you.
Pamphlet: Hard Cheeses and your Root Canal, Liz.

Liz: Oh come on, you’re not really a doctor.
Dr. Kaplan: Well if that’s how you feel then you’re not really a patient.  And people who aren’t patients don’t get toys from the treat bucket.
Liz: But there’s a Batman in there!
Dr. Kaplan: Yeah and if you wind him up, he swims in the bath.
Liz: Damn you, Kaplan!

Jenna: Who’s here?  I need someone to be outraged to!

Headline: Tracy’s Claps-giving Yay Ha-Rade!
Kenneth: Is that a Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade pun?  In March?

Tracy: Jenna, can you accept my Tony on my behalf.  June is a tough month for me because I’ll be getting lifeguarding again.
Jenna: You know, renting a theater for one night and babbling on stage for one hour…
Tracy: 5 Hours.
Jenna: Doesn’t make you an actor.

Jenna: I know the Tony rules because I’ve been petitioning for them to add a category for living theatrically in normal life.

Tracy: I never do the same thing twice.
[A Blaffair to Rememblack out takes]
Tracy: Honey, I’m home.
Tracy: Pac Man, I’m Jewish.
Tracy: Jeffery, we lost the tournament.

Jenna: You better think of something of else that starts with T, for you little necklace.
Tracy: Do they give an award for Tarantula misplacement.

Jonathan: [to Mission Impossible theme]  Jonathan. Downloads Geiss’s schedule.  Mr. Donaghy will be grateful.

Liz: Still haven’t found your wallet?
Kenneth: No.  I realized there’s a prescription I should have filled yesterday.  I keeps me from… NEHAW NEHAW… don’t worry it’s just a donkey spell.

Liz: I now know that he’s English and he made me laugh.
Kenneth: That’s wonderful!  Even if he does come from a country that’s nothing more than the dried husk that America came out of.

Kenneth: We all know deceit is ok if it’s done for love.  Like when Lot’s daughters got him drunk to repopulate the world through incest.  Or when Screech went to the Masquerade Ball in disguise so Lisa would kiss him…

Liz: [Jamaican accent] This is nurse Jamacia, from Dr. Kaplan’s office.  So here’s da ting.  You need to come in today so the doctor can check dem teeth, mon.
Wesley: Oh is there something wrong?  My check up isn’t for another week.
Liz: He things that tooth might have some bad moljour in it, ya see.  Might you be available to come in around 1:30 me lad?
Kenneth: You’re going Irish!
Wesley: Ok, 1:30’s fine.
Liz: Cool Runnings mon! Bobsled.

Kenneth: See Ms Lemon, I told you, every things… HEHAW!!… Stay away!  I will bite you!

Brian Williams: Hey CNBC, Nightly News Rules!
Avery: Go break a story, Williams!
Brian Williams: Nightly News Rules!

Avery: I told you last night.  No.  Why would you even want to braid my hair?
Jack: Because it’s romantic and I’m really good at it.

Jack: That man is my mentor.  He taught me how to command a room with my voice.
Avery: Back to work!

Avery: Do you think it was easy to cut ties from my old mentor, Pat O’Brien after he shaved his mustache?

Jack: I’m going to Connecticut.  I’m going to stand by my man, which is the song I sang to Don at his promotion dinner.

Jenna: If I want to see a black guy make a fool of himself, I’d have sex with K-Fed again.

Kenneth: Without my wallet, I don’t even have my lucky rabbits spine.

Jenna: I’ll tell you what’s going to happen.  It’s going to be a disaster.  The man is not an actor and has no business being on the stage.  Why with the curtain five hours form now it would take the greatest acting coach the world has ever seen to make his show a success.  Fine I’ll do it!

Receptionist: Hi we’re running behind.  We’ll be with you as soon as we can, bobsled.

Wesley: Can you tell me why you come up in my phone as “Future Wife?”
Liz: Would you like to get coffee?

Liz: Mine was actually an infection in the right rear molar caused by some loose bristles from and off brand toothbrush that I had to buy over Christmas, cause my mom threw away my old Snoopy one.  Wow this is not interesting.

Liz: Well British people have notoriously bad teeth.
Wesley:  I’ve never heard that.

Wesley: Like when they say older women have bread back.
Liz: What’s bread back?
Wesley: The loaf of back fat women have between a woman’s bra and her giant underwear.
Liz: That’s not a thing.  People don’t say that.
Wesley: Not to you, no.

Jack Welsh: Please John, call me Jack.
Jack: I actually go by Jack as well.
Jack Welsh: I don’t think so.

Jack Welsh: If you need to pass some eye water, I’ll go out and get you some weakness tissues.

Liz: We were so awkward that the waitress gave us separate checks without asking.  And a priest came over and asked us who we lost.

Liz: Sometimes everything is just the worst, Kenneth.

Jack: They’re selling NBC to a company called Kabletown.  With a K.
Liz: Oh yeah my parents have Kableown down in Pennsylvania.  It’s a fine and generous company.

Jack: Wait.  Did you hear that?  That’s the sound of me being erased from contact lists all around the world.
Liz: Well I hear something else: The Hug Plane, coming in for a landing.
Jack: You’re cleared for approach!

Jenna: Acting is about consistency and control.
Tracy: Got it.  No farting.

Jenna: Repeat after me.
Tracy: After me.
Jenna: No, Tracy.
Tracy: No Tracy.
Jenna: No stop it.  Not this part.
Tracy: No stop it.  Uh.  We got to start over.  I farted.

Jenna: To sit in solemn silence on a dull dark dock, awaiting the sensation of a short sharp shock.
Tracy: To sit in darkness, in a sharp sharp shop.  In darkness in sitting in the sharp.                  

Jenna: My very first job as baby stuck in well, in a commercial for Well Guards. [clears throat] Well Guards guard your well, well.
Kenneth: I remember that commercial!  You were a fat baby.

Wesley: Liz, you work here?
Liz: Yeah, remember at coffee you said you hadn’t seen the show but you’ve heard bad things?
Wesley: Uh huh.

Kenneth: You must be my wallet angel.

Kenneth: I’m either very happy right now, or I’m having a really bad donkey spell.

Liz: I guess we have to give it another shot.
Wesley: I guess we do.
Liz: Dinner tonight?
Wesley: Perfect.  Do you like TexMex?
Liz: No.  I don’t.  See you there.

Avery: According to my sources, the current frontrunner, current GE executive, Jack Donaghy.  The people I’m talking too say he’s the only guy out there with the programming experience, business savvy, and piercing blue eyes of  Siberian husky, that this job requires.

Avery: I spoke to him early and he refused to speculate but did say, and I’m quoting here, I’m going to celebrate by buying my lady friend that necklace she pointed out and then cooking her a western omelets.  End quote.
Jack: And them I’m going to braid your hair.

Tracy: …Lorne.

Ratings: 5.771 Million Viewers.  (3.5/6 Share. 2.9/8 in the Demo.)

«4.13 – Anna Howard Shaw Day

4.15 – Don Geiss, America And Hope»