Originally Aired: March 18th, 2010
Written by: Jack Burditt & Tracey Wigfield
Directed by: Stephen Lee Davis

Summary: LIZ LEMON (TINA FEY) KEEPS RUNNING INTO WESLEY (GUEST STAR MICHAEL SHEEN), FORCING THEM TO QUESTION THEIR DECISION, WHILE JACK DONAGHY (ALEC BALDWIN) TRIES TO ESTABLISH HIMSELF WITH THE NEW CABLE COMPANYLiz Lemon (Tina Fey) questions her fate when she keeps running into Wesley (Guest Star Michael Sheen). Meanwhile, Tracy Jordan (Tracy Morgan) is distressed about his reputation when his kids’ former nanny writes a tell-all book, and Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) seeks to secure his own position in the new company.

Promotional Pictures: High Quality

Quotes:

Jack: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedules.Tracy: Yeah, I’m supposed to be drinking a soda right now.

Jack: Special thanks to those joining us via Simulcast, particularly you gentlemen in the Tokyo office. I don’t know why you’re wearing girls’ pajamas… but I’m sure it’s cultural.

Jack: This is an exciting time for NBC. Not Seinfeld, Friends, ER exciting. More like 3D episodes of Merlin exciting.

Jack: Kabletown is a great company, even if it is from… Philadelphia.Liz: Go Eagles! [Throws snowball at Jack]Jack: How did you even get a snowball?!Liz: Philly rules! Cheese steaks! Bobby Clarke! Will Smith! You’re town sucks!Jack: You do not want this argument, Lemon. Boston is the greatest city in the world. Boston Tea Party. Boston crème pie. Boston Rob Mariano. Birthplace of Benjamin Franklin.Liz: Yeah then he looked around, realized it sucked and moved to Philadelphia!

Liz: Did you just whip a battery at me?

Jack: My apologies to our friends from the great city of Los Angeles. [starts laughing]Exec: Hey stop laughing. LA rules. Michael Bay. Free weights. Legoland. [Jack turns of monitor]

Jack: He built GE into the greatest on earth. And the earth is one of the top 3 planets in the universe.

Jack: For those wishing to pay their respects there will be an Episcopal cryogenic freezing service open to all Six Sigma black belts and higher.Tracy: That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard; Episcopal.

Jenna: This is for you Dan Goose.

Jenna: How was your second date with Wesley?Liz: You know that scene in Notting Hill where they have that romantic date in the garden? Well I’d have rather watched that terrible movie five times than hang out with Wesley.

Jenna: You gave it a shot. Good riddance!Liz: Nope. I’m seeing him tonight.

Liz: This morning I was buying an advanced ticket for the Truffaut retrospective at the Anthology Film Archives.[Cut Scene]Liz: One for the 8:00 Hot Tub Time Machine.

Wesley: If there is a god, Liz. I think that she..Liz: Ugh.Wesley: Is trying to tell us something.

Jenna: I had this thing where I kept running into Michael Douglass. But then I realized it was just some old lady who lives in my building.

Tracy: I just got the call from a friend at Little Brown?Liz: The publishing house?Tracy: No the premier talent agency for black dwarfs.

Jack: What does she reveal in the book?Tracy: My addiction to prescription glasses. The fact that I suffer attention deficit disor- Jack your shoes are shinny.

Liz: You’re Ben & Jerry’s flavor is called Adulter-rasin.

Jack: My wild and sexually adventurous image is how I make my money, Liz Lemon. I start loosing my endorsements; Angie is going to be madder than a bat in the suitcase. Uh oh, which reminds me… [takes out suitcase] Gordon.

Wesley: You don’t just turn one on and it’s immediately hot. I should know, I’ve been in a hot tub two times.

Wesley: What did you want? Popcorn?Liz: Yes!Wesley: Popcorn? At the cinema.

Wesley: You’re food obsession is not as endearing as you think it is. It’s like being in a Cathy cartoon that just won’t end.Liz: Oh my god, I want to smash your face!

Wesley: At least we’ll always have Dr. Kaplan’s recovery room. It was our Paris.

Kenneth: Look at all these books, sir. It’s like I’m back at school learning about the dangers of book reading.

Jack: We brought good things to life. And bad things to Chinese rivers.

Kenneth: GE is a good company. Second only to the company of good friends!

Kenneth: A… friend of mine has been worried that they’ll be bringing in new page rules… like age limits and age verification.

Kenneth: My cousin in Atlanta is a business model. She holds up staplers and catalogs.

Jack: I can prove that I am the man with the ambition, the talent, and the looking at my watch skills to run this company.

Wesley: In England we call it a film pod.Liz: No.

Dr. Kaplan: Would you ask a cardiologist to do something like this? I am a real doctor.Liz: Yeah, but a cardiologist is…Dr. Kaplan: I know what a cardiologist is. My brother is a cardiologist and I’m just as good as he is. We drive the same car. So what if his wife is more attractive?

Wesley: It’s just like the brilliant film Notting Hill. I’m British and charming. And she’s got… certain angles that work for her.

Wesley: If my heart surgeon brother is so great, how come so many of his patients have died but I’ve only killed one guy? Huh?

Frank: Say it ain’t so, Tray. What about the Seattle Seahawks cheerleader, the one kind of thick rockette, the blind woman in the business class bathroom on the Asella.Tracy: But I still party! I’m still bad at my job!

Jenna: I got a lot of flack after I played the pig that played Babe.

Jenna: Start denying this stuff.Tracy: I did, J Mo. I held a press conference this morning.[Press conference]Tracy: I’m here to announce I’m leaving show business to spend more time with my stripper.

Tracy: It’s like a black Barbie doll in Arizona; nobody’s buying it.

Dot Com: I just got off the phone with the people from Horny Goatweed. They’re dropping you as their spokesman.Tracy: But John Edwards and I were supposed to ride on their Cinco de Mayo float.

Dot Com: Yet another black superstar taken down by his personal life.Jenna: Just like my favorite golfer, OJ Simpson.

Dave “The Animal” Hess: I was only as good as my mentor. The man who taught me how to bait the enemy: Jack “The Master Baiter” Donaghy.

Jack: Do they have a preferred side of a head for parting your hear? Because I’ve been continental for years but I’m willing go Western.

Dave “The Animal” Hess: This is the goose that lays the golden eggs. Channels 500-600.Jack: Good god. Ass-atar. The Lovely Boners. The Hind Side. Fress-Ass Based on the Novel ‘Tush’ by Assfire.

Movies: Ass-Atar. The Pert Knockers. The Lovely Boners. Tits Complicated. The Hind Side. Fresh-Ass Based on the Novel ‘Tush’ by Ass-Fie. Up In Her Pair. Sherlock Homos.

Dave Hess: Buying NBC counts as a charitable donation for tax purposes.

Jack: I’m the reason microwave tray rotates.

Jack: And Alexander wept for there were no more worlds to conquer – Hans Gruber. Die Hard.

Wesley: Gang way for foot cycle! [Crashes into cab]

Wesley: You witch!

Wesley: I wasn’t even supposed to ride my foot cycle home today.Liz: Stop calling it that.Wesley: Yeah fine my Velocipede.

Liz: Commencing eye roll sequence.Wesley: The universe wants us to settle for one other. I think fate telling us, this is the best we’re going to get. We’re each others settling soul mates.Liz: Settling soul-mates. That is grim. And I’ve played Monopoly alone.

Wesley: We’d both benefit. I could open jars and kill bugs for you, and you can make me less gay at work functions.

Wesley: Why fight this. Grow old with me, Liz? In separate bedrooms?

Wesley: You’ll have someone to tell you when you’re about to step in something.Liz: Nerds!

Liz: This is a Liz relationship emergency. It’s a Liz-aster!

Liz: Ever since I was little.Jack: No faster than that.Liz: My whole adult life.Jack: No!Liz: Oprah says.Jack: You have ten seconds.

Jack: At one point my obituary was going to read “CEO of GE dies violently in a casino orgy.” Now what’s it going to say? “Middle manager of a Philadelphia pornography distributor never wakes up.”

Liz: Kabletown makes mouse traps?

Jack: Soon you won’t even have to leave your house.Liz: That sounds pretty good.

Jack: I’m going to bury Don Geiss, America, and Hope.

Jenna: I saw some women forward to say you didn’t have sex with them.

Jenna: How does Angie fell about this? Is she mad?Tracy: She says I better have an affair, and quick, before it tears or family apart.

Jenna: I wish I could help you. But if I can’t sleep with a black guy. I’d loose my endorsement deal with NASCAR.

Tracy: Hello Elizabeth. My I offer you a succulent fruit?Liz: What? No. Why are you in here?Tracy: Let me do a dance for you, my lover.

Liz: That was not going to happen for many reasons besides you loving your wife. Reason 1: I am conscious. Reason 2: You smell like Icy Hot. Reason 3:…

Liz: You know what I have? A Sims family that keeps getting murdered.

Tracy: One day, you will have what I have because you are an amazing, strong, intelligent woman, like Hillary… from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Jack: I’ll never forget the first thing, he ever said to me. “These are our hookers. Pick one.”

Jack: Don was the one who realized there was a whole segment of consumers not buying light bulbs: the asleep. That realization led him to develop the night light. And the marketing campaign that led children to be afraid of the dark: A Monster Under Every Bed.

Jack: Three words: Porn for Women.Dave Hess: Jack, women hate porn. Almost as much as men hate going to outlet malls.

Jack: Women have on insatiable need: to jabber.

Jack: What if women had a pay per view channel featuring handsome men patiently listening to them? What if they had Porn for Women?

Liz: I knew you wouldn’t miss a tasting of the white wines of Scotland.Wesley: Most restaurants refuse to serve them.Liz: Oh yeah you’ve only told me that like nine times.

Liz: I’m never going to be Mrs. Snipes. Hang on is your name Wesley Snipes? That is inane.Wesley: It’s insane that the actor Wesley Snipes has that name. If you saw a picture of him and a picture of me and were asked who should be named Wesley Snipes. You’d pick the pale Englishman every time! Every time!

Wesley: I’ll give you two months before you give up and decide to settle. I’ll see you in May. For sweeps!

Astronaut Mike Dexter: Hello there.Liz: Well Hello.Astronaut Mike Dexter: How was your day? Do you need to talk? Cause I’ll just listen patiently and say things like ‘Uh huh,’ ‘How annoying,’ ‘She’s clearly jealous of you,’ and ‘Well it’s his loss.’ You’re a great woman. You deserve a great man for just $24.95 an hour.Liz: Yes please!Astronaut Mike Dexter: It’s the yellow button sweetie.

Ratings: 6.797 Million Viewers.  (4.3/7 Share. 3.0/9 in the Demo.)

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