Originally Aired: May 6th, 2010
Written by: Kay Cannon & Robert Carlock
Directed by: John Riggi

Summary:  IT’S MOTHER’S DAY AT TGS, AND THE MOMS COME TO VISIT. GUEST STARRING BUZZ ALDRIN, ELIZABETH BANKS, ANITA GILLETTE, JAN HOOKS, CHEYENNE JACKSON, PATTI LUPONE, NOVELLA NELSON, AND ELAINE STRITCH.
Liz Lemon (Tina Fey) meets her mother’s (Guest Star Anita Gillette) old flame, while Jack Donaghy’s (Alec Baldwin) mother, Colleen (Guest Star Elaine Stritch), gets tangled in his relationships with Avery Jessup (Guest Star Elizabeth Banks) and high school love, Nancy Donovan. Jenna’s (Jane Krakowski) mother, Verna (Guest Star Jan Hooks) returns, while Tracy learns a lesson from his “mom” (Guest Star Novella Nelson). Also starring: Jack McBrayer (Kenneth), Judah Friedlander (Frank), Scott Adsit (Pete), and John Lutz (Lutz).

Promotional Pictures: High Quality

Quotes: 

Jack: The Moms?  What Moms?
Liz: The staff moms that are going to be on the Mother’s Day show that NBC is making us do after their ill-fated decision to reair the pilot of Bitch Hunter.
Bitch Hunter: Put the mimosas down!  Bitch!
Written by Jack Burditt & Matthew Weiner

Jack: There’s still time!  Jonathan!  Jonathan!  Call the florist and order a dozen [opens door] No!
Liz: Necktie!
Colleen: Too late, Jackie.

Sylvia: Here’s a picture you can use.  It’s little Frankie in the bathtub.  Getting ready for the senior prom.

Margret: Honey, nothing is free.  You remember that when a man buys you an expensive meal.
Liz: Yeah that’s happening a lot.

Verna: You must have me confused with someone else!  I have never been to Chicago!  [whispers] I sexually assaulted Scotty Pippin in 1997.

Pete: We haven’t been able to find you mom.
Tracy: I gave Kenneth the info.
Pete: Her name might be Sheryl and she was wearing a shirt in 1984.

Tracy: I want to see a list of names.  Like when they were looking for John McCain’s running make.  [laughs] I’m kidding.  This needs to be taken seriously.

Colleen: You know who’s in my water aerobics class down in Florida?
Jack: Yes mother I’ve memorized the names of everyone in your water aerobics class.

Colleen: Patricia Goodband, who’s sister runs the Friday night bingo game at Our Lady of Reluctant Integration.

Colleen: Her niece, Nancy Donovan, got divorced and was running around with a hot shot in New York City who pours scotch like a woman.

Colleen: Ok, Kenneth, entertain me.
Kenneth: Oh Fiddles in the creek and the frogs in the kitchen.  I’m sorry mam that’s not a song.  You make me very nervous.

Verna: [seductively] Well hello Lee.
Jenna: Wrong tree, mom.
Verna: Gotcha.

Jenna: Excuse me.  My… friend has to go strangle her anxiety pillow.

Liz: Lee!  It’s the bridesmaid’s dress!  It’s strangling me!  I’m going to die in here!
Slyvia: Bridesmaid?!  It’s bad luck for a married woman to be a bridesmaid.  It brings fever and disease.
Liz: Yeah well I’m not actually married, so…
Verna: Not even common law?  How do you get credit at a mattress store?
Mrs. Lutz: You know my John is single.  And he gives excellent back rubs, I can assure you.

Colleen: That’s what feminism does.  It makes nice girls with nice birthing shapes believe in fairy tales.  Stop waiting for your prince, Liz.
Liz: I’m not waiting for a prince.  I’m waiting for Astronaut Mike Dexter.
Moms: Oh sweet lord in heaven.
Liz: Who turns out to be the secret king of Monaco.

Mrs. Lutz: You’re 40?  John is looking for a… greener banana.

Verna: I’ve been a great mother; listening, giving advice, asking stupid questions during movies.

Verna: That’s kind of a problem for me.  Because I already spent that first down payment… on the first half of my boob job!  It’s not an implant, It’s just a little yank up, you know.  I mean, I’ve got the meat.  Go ahead feel um, feel the difference.
Jack: Very different indeed.  Like a cantaloupe and a zip lock bag of mushroom soup.

Pete: Good news, Tray we found a great mom for you.  Her name is Novella Nelson.
Tracy: Novella Nelson.  Oh wait is she Aquaman’s girlfriend.
Pete: No she’s a great actress who lives in Brooklyn, she looks like you…
Tracy: That could be anyone!  We all look the same to me!

Novella Nelson: Oh these overalls are chafing.
Novella Nelson: I can’t ware these pajamas fishing.
Voice Over: Pajamaralls…Pajamarawlways!  (Now Less Flammable!)

Pete: They’re too recognizable, Tracy, and Serena Williams is younger than you.

Pete: We’ve already booked Novella.  She’s been in the business for 40 years so I think she’s good enough for the star of “Sherlock Homie.”

Colleen: I don’t want to talk about Nancy Donovan.  I want to talk about the little blonde girl that you are sleeping with.

Colleen: Two women, Jack.  And at the same time.  What are you, Italian?

Colleen: Just listen to yourself, Jack!
Jack: I know it’s gay!  But it’s my gay problem and I’m handling it! … … … [To waiter] We’re ready to order now.

Jenna: Mom, this isn’t Florida.
Verna: You’re right.  In Florida everybody’s always asking me, “Where’d you get that?!  You made it!?  Holy crap!  Where do I commission one!?”

Jenna: You haven’t held a job in 15 years!
Verna: Because of my back.  Because of the trampoline accident!

Verna: That is quality stitching.  Damn the tiny brown hands that made this!

Margret: Just thought I’d tidy up.
Liz: That’s my computer!
Margret: Oh no honey, a computer is a great big thing with a green screen.

Margret: You’re standards are very high, as they should be.  I remember someone who got a 3 on her AP History test!

Margret: I know from experience that that guy, that perfect guy is out there.  Because I know I found mine.
Liz: That’s all I want.  What you and dad have.
Margret: Oh I’m not talking about your father.
Liz: What?

Margret: Ed was my true love, sweetheart.  He was my steady at MonClaire High.  The night before he was shipped off to Korea, I repeatedly lost my virginity to him, why Waldo the town perve watched from the bushes.
Liz: Wait what?

Margret: When he was invited to Houston for his Astronaut training…
Liz: He was a astronaut?!  You could have been an astronaut’s wife?!
Margret: It wasn’t that simple, Liz.  I had just graduated from secretary school, and I got a job at Sterling Cooper.  I couldn’t just pick up and move.  I was already 26, an old maid!
Liz: Different times!  Octomom!

Liz: You could have married Buzz Aldrin!  You should regret that mother, you should have followed him!  Laura Liney could have played you in the HBO Original movie “Moon Wives.”

Jack: Verna, you have a simple decision to make, quit, don’t get paid and drive around with one headlight, or swallow your pride and get the money you need, tomorrow.

Tracy: You are way beneath me, Novella.  I am a movie star, a television actor, and a Guinness book of world record holder for most car accidents in a single year.

Tracy: Fine. I rather be up on that stage alone than be with someone who’s resume has “black judge” on it nine times!
Novella Nelson: And you think I want a fake son that recorded an Anti-condom PSA?
Tracy: I saved a lot of kids from lame sex!

Avery: All right, start with taxes, then insurance, change this to Latin America, I can’t say Nicaragua. 

Kenneth: I am so sorry, Ms. Jessup.  Mrs Donaghy keeps tricking me and running away, but not anymore.
Colleen: Karl!  They need you out in the hall.
Kenneth: Yes mam!

Colleen: You’re going to have to work your back side, because chest wise you have the measurements of an alter boy.

Colleen: Oh look at the time.  I have to get back to calling Kenneth, Karl to see if he ever corrects me.

Jack: Kenneth was supposed to be watching her, but just saw him with his eyes closed counting to infinity.

Jack: I know Buzz.  We met at a photo shoot for Vanity Faire’s annual awesome gentlemen issue. 

Liz: Or I would have been born Peter Aldrin.  And I’d wait for a woman with the right stuff.  And remember in this scenario I’m a man and my father’s an astronaut.

Jack: He’s in town, I saw him last night at Rupert Murdock’s twister party… I mean regular party.

Jenna: Tracy, this Mother’s Day thing is a disaster.
Tracy: I hear you.  Because you’re talking into the ear I didn’t loose a button in.

Jenna: At least your fake mom has to act like she cares about you.
Tracy: And she is a good actress.  I bought those Pajameralls.

Tracy: No Jenna, no one gets to choose their mom.  Even when they’re fake.  For god or bad, we’re stuck with them.  And you know what.  They don’t get to choose who we are either.  And god knows we’re not perfect.
Jenna: It’s true.  Sometimes I sing to beautifully.

Avery: So maybe this is partly my fault.
Jack: And I forgive you.  Come here…  I’m sorry.  But these tactics have worked on stupider women.

Liz: Excuse me, Dr. Aldrin, there wasn’t a door so I just…
Buzz Aldrin: I don’t believe in barriers because I always break them.

Buzz Aldrin: I see you!  I know what you’re doing!  Return to the night!  You’ve no business here!
Liz: Are you yelling at the moon?
Buzz Aldrin: I’m sorry.  She and I just… I get mad sometimes.

Buzz Aldrin: You want to know what your mother missed?  Years of drinking, depression, cheating.  I flipped over a Saab in the San Franando valley.  I once woke up in the Air and Space Museum with a revolver in the waist band of my jean shorts.

Buzz Aldrin: Would you like to yell at the moon with Buzz Aldrin?
Liz: Yes.  Please.
Buzz Aldrin: I own you!
Liz: You dumb moon!
Buzz Aldrin: I walked on your face!
Liz: Don’t you know it’s day?!  Idiot.

Verna: Well a mother makes sacrifices, like those 16 hours I spend in labor even though it was Margarita Monday at Dockside Joe’s.

Jenna: Why does your chest fell weird?
Verna: Uh, because I love you so much.

Tracy: You look beautiful, mom.
Novella Nelson: Thank you, son.
Tracy: I think I’m ready for the sex talk.

Liz: Mom, you were right to settle.  I’m glad you married dad.
Margret: So am I, dear.  Now would you please find someone and start a family before my hereditary dementia sets in.
Liz: Wait, what?

Jack: You!  What is wrong with you?  I am 51 years old, do you not think I cannot take care of my own personal life?
Colleen: Think?!  I know you can’t.  You do a lot of things well.  Make money.  Choose wine.  Wear Ties.  But you and women, disaster!  Divorce.  Broken engagement.  I assume herpes.  

Colleen: And then were will I be?  I’ll be circling the globe in my coffin rocket!

Jack: Then I’m asking for the first time in my life, what should I do?
Colleen: Then I’m going to tell you for the first time in my life, I can’t!

Kenneth: I did not loose her sir, Karl would never let you down.  Karl that doesn’t sound right.  Kevin, no.  Who am I?  Is it Keith?  No?  Yes I’m Keith!

Margret: Don’t go to sleep with a frown in your pocket.
Verna: Take it to the yard and tie it to a rocket.
Sylvia: Shoot it to the moon, you’ll feel better soon.
Colleen: Don’t got to bed with a frown.
Moms: Don’t go to bed with a frown!

Tracy: Thanks and stay tuned for a Special Mother’s Day edition of Bitch Hunter!

Ratings:5.420 Million Viewers, 3.3/5 Share. 2.6/7 in the Demo.

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