Originally Aired: May 20th, 2010
Written by: Tina Fey
Directed by: Don Scardino

Summary: LIZ LEMON JUGGLES THE WEDDINGS OF FLOYD (GUEST STAR JASON SUDEIKIS), CERIE (KATRINA BOWDEN), AND GRIZZ (GRIZZ CHAPMAN), WHILE JACK IS FORCED TO MAKE A DECISION ABOUT HIS LOVE LIFE.  ELIZABETH BANKS, MATT DAMON, WILL FORTE, JULIANNE MOORE, AND MICHAEL SHEEN GUEST STAR

Liz  (Tina Fey) questions fate when she meets the man of her dreams, while Jack’s (Alec Baldwin) love triangle between high school love, Nancy Donovan (guest star Julianne Moore), and CNBC anchor, Avery Jessup (guest star Elizabeth Banks), comes to a head.  Meanwhile, Jenna’s (Jane Krakowski) boyfriend is confronted with a similar dilemma when his desire for another woman threatens to ruin their relationship, and Kenneth (Jack McBrayer), with the help of Tracy (Tracy Morgan), tries to avoid a promotion that would land him in LA.  Also starring: Judah Friedlander (Frank), Scott Adsit (Pete), John Lutz (Lutz), Kevin Brown (DotCom), and Keith Powell (Toofer).

Promotional Pictures: A LOT of Pictures

Quotes:

Liz: So I’m going to marry… Nafet. And we’re going to live in… Nineveh. And I’m going to be a … prostitute.

Jack: It’s possible. Haven’t you ever read Archie comics?

Jack: You look amazing in that dress.
Nancy: You look like a gay mortician in that suit.

Pete: I have a thankless job. For example I’m here on a Saturday to show around some Kabletown folks. [Pretends to shoot himself]
Kenneth: Oh!
Pete: It’s not real!

Kenneth: This is my dream come true. And to hear it from my best friend in the whole world comma bald category.

Kenneth: Mr. Donaghy will understand because he’s my best friend in the whole world, comma, beautiful hair category, parenthesis strong.

Jack: What can I say, Nancy? I want to be with you. I want to take naps with you. I want to watch you watch a hockey game. I want to find long red hairs in my overcooked pot roast. I love you. I do love you because you that what I really am is a poor mommas boy from Sanchester Massachusetts who had to wear his sisters hand me down corduroys.
Nancy: They were orange and had hearts for pockets.

Nancy: I can’t share you with another woman like you’re that Mormon guy on HBO who was in that tornado movie, the one with girl with the forehead who was married to that Jewish guy.
Jack: What?
Nancy: I’m a mom, give me a break!

Liz: [Singing] There is love. Floyd and Kaitlin. There is looooove.

Paul: I thought you were going to get your hair done for your friend’s wedding?
Jenna: I was but I forgot my bag of hair.

Jenna: Is this who you’re into now? Cher? You’re being another woman behind my back?

Jenna: Maybe I’m old fashioned. But when a girl dates a straight man who impersonates her on stage for mostly gay audiences, she has certain expectations. Fidelity, Paul. It’s not just the name of a bank that sued me.

Kenneth: Mr. Donaghy!
Jack: Oh god! Kenneth.

Jack: Ms. Donovan and I only have an hour between weddings to…
Nancy: Tickle each other like Teletubbies. That’s how I used to explain it my kids when they walked in on us.

Nancy: Two Spidermans fight and sometimes make weird noises, but they’re not hurting each other.
Jack: How often did they walk in on you?

Wesley: I vowed on a Snipes name I would never set foot in there again. Also Kevin in security has a picture of me.

Wesley: See our minds are already one, as our bodies soon shall be.

Liz: Of course you work in insurance.
Wesley: Specializing in the transportation industry. Fulfills my boyhood passion for train accidents.

Liz: Fine I’ll go get your shoes.
Wesley: Farewell my luscious plum.
[They “kiss”]
Liz: Ugh. Son of a bitch!
Wesley: Why is your face like that?!

Tracy: Do a sloppy job and they’ll leave you alone. That’s how I got out of foreplay with Angie. … and my taxes.

Tracy: If you’ve learned anything from me, it’s how to do a bad job.

Paul: Paul Lastname.
Jack: I’ve heard a lot about you, Paul.
Paul: It’s all true. I’m a native of Houston and I love to cook healthy.
Jack: And the female impersonation stuff.
Paul: Oh sure, of course.

Jack: You can’t delude yourself with thoughts like what if somehow I could combine them into one perfect woman, like a s’more you can take a shower with.

Jack: You always be wondering what your life would be like if you opened the other door.
Paul: Like at a haunted house sex party.

Nancy: You ever do a commercial for Overshoppe.com?
Avery: Oh god I did. But that was before I got rid of my Maryland accent.
[Overshoppe commercial]
Avery: Does the O have it? O, we do. Do you O? O no? Let gO. O.

Nancy: That accent’s idiotic.

Avery: Clamp down, Jessup! Be a winner!

Carol: Excuse me, I’m supposed to meet you here.
Liz: Huh?
Carol: Are you Wesley? I’m Carol.
Liz: I’m sorry, what’s happening now?

Liz: Are you a doorman?
Carol: Yeah, I’m a doorman… to the sky. I’m a pilot.

Carol: Generally speaking if there’s a delay more than 20 minutes I might as well be driving a party bus. It’s just idiocy. I don’t know what’s going on in this country.
Liz: I know. People wear flip flops to church. And the NBA tattoo situation is out of control.

Carol: We’re about half an hour into the flight I hear this commotion behind me in the cabin so I exit the cockpit, I go down the island and to my left and I see…
Liz: [Gasp!] A terrorist!?
Carol: No. I wish.

Carol: Sky law. It’s when I put on the fasten seat belt sign and we’re not allowed to move until we’ve had ten minutes of silence. I made the whole thing up but you know people are stupid so they don’t question it.
Liz: That is awesome!

Carol: Eventually I flipped the drunk lady off and she bit my finger.
Liz: Ha ha!

Liz: I’m the head writer. I’m not an insurance claims adjuster. I’m just here because my cousin.

Carol: There’s this one Fart Doctor sketch where Fart Doctor’s trying to figure out who farted in the spelling bee.
Liz: He who spelt it, delt it. I wrote that! I wrote all the Fart Doctors!

Liz: Will you like to go to a rich girls wedding with me?
Carol: I don’t know does that sound more fun than me eating alone at the LaGuardia Chili’s.

Kenneth: Good afternoon, and welcome… not. We begin our stupid tour of this once great network outside studio 6H. Uh oh. Ring Ring. What’s up? Nothing, just giving a dumb tour to a bunch of uggos. Let’s meet up later and smoke some drug cigarettes.

Jack: I’m developing a day time talk show with Sully Sullenberger.
Carol: Yeah I met that guy, he’s not that great. You know what a great pilot would have done? Not hit the birds. It’s what I do every day. Not hit birds. Where’s my ticket to the Grammys?

Jack: What took you so long in the bathroom.
Nancy: The usual ladies room drama. Girl with boyfriend troubles. Somebody forgot a tampon. Everyone was bad a science and math. You know the drill.

Liz: Indeed he is. I see that Nancy is still here. You’re welcome.
Jack: Smug 40 year old bridesmaid. What a treat for everyone.

Liz: Now I know you can’t force your fate. You just have to let it wash over you like a spray tan that won’t take because your skin is too oily.

Jack: The world is made by those who control their own destiny. It isn’t made by those who don’t do. It’s made by those who do do. I do do.
Liz: Yeah.
Jack: Grow up Lemon. The point is I’ve made my choice, and I’m not looking back, period.
Liz: [laughs] Period.

Kenneth: I was just trying to do bad job so I wouldn’t have to go to Los Angeles. Everyone there smiles creepily all the time and that’s sort of my thing.

Pete: They’re making me fire you. You’re fired.
[Kenneth turns in badge… and gun.]

Nancy: What’s so special about this other woman?
Jack: I like how she’s less hot than you?

Jack: Her laugh is like music, really mean music. And she always wears high heels because according to her flat shoes are for quitters.
Nancy: By the way, when I blew your mind last night, I was giving it about 50%.

Wesley: Unhand my fiancé.
Liz: No he’s just a groomsman. And a Somali pirate. Careful.
Wesley: You tried to end our engagement with a textual transmission. Your behavior as a fiancé has been as weak as an American tea.

Jenna: You’re engaged? What if the bachelorette party theme is sluts?

Liz: His name Carol.
Cerie: Like Carol O’Connor from Nick at Nite!
Liz: Yes, Cerie, thank you.

Liz: Someday, when Carol sees my disgusting foot secret, he’s going to be ok with it. I can tell. You’re wrong Wesley, we don’t have settle. The moms were wrong. Stupid Buzz Aldrin was wrong!

Wesley: Fine. It’s your loss. There’s only one Wesley Snipes in this world.
Liz: You know there isn’t.
Wesley: Ugh.

[Music plays]
Jack: Could you turn that down, please?!
Moonvest: Mazel tov.

Avery: This pregnancy is two years a head of schedule. I’m suing Dodecacil. I’m suing you. I’m suing this baby.
Jack: You can’t control everything, Avery. Sometimes it’s just fate.
Avery: Is there gay juice in the campaign.
Jack: See I want you to teach our child how to say awesome stuff like that.

Jack: Maybe it’s too hard with the career, motherhood, keeping it tight to stay camera ready for breaking news, sure Soledad O’Brien does it.
Nancy: I wipe the floor with that bitch!

Tracy: On behalf of Grizz and Feyonce, I’d like to thank Jack Donaghy for letting us have this reception here after the other location couldn’t support the weight of Grizz’s extended family.

Liz: Naturally I blew it. Now I’m alone in a dashiki. I wonder what the Somali pirate’s deal is. I could live on a boat.

Liz: You know what, forget men. We’ve got each other.
Jenna: Yeah, let’s go Lez.
Liz: No I meant like a book club or something. Jeez.

Jenna: You have a lot of taped up balls to come here dressed liked that.

Jack: Lemon, you know that’s a young boy’s puberty dashiki?
Liz: Wrong, Jack. It’s warlord’s concubine dashiki.

Jack: Lemon, I think your pilot friend is looking for you.
Liz: So? I thought he was gone forever. I guess I should go talk to him. [Runs and jumps over a table]

Carol: If you walk briskly in a pilots uniform you can go pretty much anywhere. I’ve been upstairs in the White House while the Obamas were sleeping.

Liz: I thought you had a flight.
Carol: Yeah I do. Those dirt bags can wait on the runway a couple more hours.
Liz: I hate people too.

Carol: If the worst thing about you is you give crazy speeches to fiances and you maybe have some kind of foot thing…
Liz: That was a joke. I have medicine for it.
Carol: Why don’t we give this a shot. As long as you’re not Jewish. Totally kidding.

Jenna: Liz, Cher-Me, Paul and I want to thank you for being part of our lives.
Paul: And for encouraging us to be like this.
Carol: I can’t believe I’m meeting one and a half Jenna Maroney’s right now.
Paul: Carol, that’s a girls name.
Carol: It’s a family name.

Kenneth: I’m gonna tell you people what I really think of you! For four long years, I’ve listened to you all complain about your east coast media elite problems, your apartment renovations and your overpriced Star Wars memorabilia…
Carol: That doorman is hammered.
Kenneth: I have watched you throw away better food than my family eats at Christmas. And I. Have. Loved it! You people. You are my best friends. And I hope you get everything you want in live!

Kenneth: So kiss my face!

Kenneth: I’ll see you all in heaven!

Ratings: 5.363 Million Viewers, 3.3/5 Share. 2.7/8 in the Demo.

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