Originally Aired: October 21, 2010
Written by: Matt Hubbard
Directed by: Todd Holland

Summary:

JACK (ALEC BALDWIN) TRIES TO USE HIS PERFECT DAY TO SAVE LIZ’S (TINA FEY) RELATIONSHIP. KELSEY GRAMMER GUEST STARS.

Jack (Alec Baldwin) is having a perfect day and succeeding at every task. He tries to channel his winning streak into helping Liz (Tina Fey) figure out her relationship with Carol. Meanwhile, Jenna (Jane Krakowski) and Kenneth (Jack McBrayer) enlist the help of Kelsey Grammer (guest starring as himself) to pull off an ice cream scam. Elsewhere, Tracy (Tracy Morgan) is trying to shoot a commercial for the Boys and Girls Club. Also starring: Judah Friedlander, Keith Powell, Scott Adsit and Katrina Bowden.

Fan Rating: 4.49 out of 5.0

Promotional Pictures: High Quality

Quotes:

Jack: I’ve got the next big reality show. We put a bunch of people in a plane, fly them over the Atlantic, then Tom Bergeron comes out and reveals that the pilot is a six year old boy. We call it “Child Hell Flight!”

Jonathan: Starting yesterday at 4:00 PM yesterday when Mr. Donaghy coined the word “innoventually.”
Liz: So why do I have to leave?
Jonathan: Because you have so many unsolvable problems. Like your mouth. It looks like someone kicked a hole in a bag of flour.

Jack: Oh Lemon, come on in. When you’re pitching a perfect game, you don’t walk Albert Pujols. And you are the Albert Pujols of having problems.

Jack: I haven’t done a single thing wrong in 24 hours. And I’m including sex last night. Here’s Avery’s thank you note.
Liz: Ugh, she likes that?
Jack: No. But she respects it when it’s done correctly.

Jack: Making it through a full 24 hours without a single misstep is called Reaganing. The only other people who’ve done it: (?) Jack Welch and, no judgment, Saddam Hussein.

Liz: I can’t get a cab because Greece is playing Pakistan in soccer.

Jack: I have to talk to Rachel Maddow. Only one of us can have this haircut.

Jenna: My single is number 4 in Japan. [Sings] Choke me, choke me. Blonde like choke me. Tehehehehe.

Tracy: I’ve been asked to do a commercial for the Boys and Girls Club of America. And I just can’t turn down community service, because if I do that judge will make me join the coast guard.

Tracy: I don’t watch the Macy’s Day Parade. If I want to see a 50 ft Spiderman, I’ll just go into my rec room, thank you.

Jenna: Kenneth, take this card and get a cake for the crew.
Kenneth: Aw that’s very thoughtful, Ms. Maroney.
Jenna: One of the camera guys just had a baby, and I’m sick of hearing about it.

Jack: What’s wrong, Lemon? When I see you chew your nails like that it’s either your very nervous or you’ve handled some ham earlier.

Jack: The other day I saw you in the lobby laughing together.
Liz: A guy on crutches bit it in the revolving door and he was so scared.

Jack: So what’s the problem? You ate spaghetti in front of him?
Liz: Of course not.
Jack: He got a fungus from your shower?
Liz: No.

Jack: Lemon, I’ve known you for four years. And in that time I’ve never found you to be shy about talking… about anything…
[Montage]
Liz: Well I found my first grey toe knuckle hair.
Liz: If I could push a button and five people in the world would die, but I get free cable for life, I’d do it.
Liz: And I’ve been on the toilet so long that my legs had fallen asleep so when I tried to stand, I just fell into my throw up.

Jack: You and I have never had an adult conversation about boning.

Liz: I freaked out and my junk closed for business. It’s like Fort Knox down there.
Driver: I’m just going to raise the barrier… if that’s okiedokie with everyone.
Liz: It’s kind of like that.

Director: Tracy! I haven’t seen you since I was directing Garfield 3 and you ruined it. I had to back in with my parents.
Tracy: I envy you. I don’t really know my parents.

Cake: The best Under-people in the Business – Love, Jenny!
Jenna: Jenny? That’s not my name. I don’t want wheelchair Jenny from accounting getting credit.

Kenneth: Back home on the pig farm, times are tough. We had to sell off Sally, Julie, and Poppy.
Jenna: Are those some of your pigs?
Kenneth: …Yes.

Jack: You have more sexual hang ups than an adult chat line run by Gilbert Gottfried.
Liz: What?
Jack: That was written by a computer program we’re working on to replace you.

Liz: I’m sorry I’m a real woman and not some oversexed New York nympho like those sluts on “Everybody Loves Raymond.”

Liz: Stop it Jack! Stop it! Stop it! Stop asking about the roller skates!

Tracy: What’s my cue? You know what, it doesn’t matter, I don’t know my lines!

Director: Tracy, we’re causing a huge traffic jam.
Tracy: We’re causing a huge traffic jam while getting paid to make dreams. We’re the luckiest person on earth.

Jenna: It’s been years since my mom and I used to pull Slip and Falls at supermarkets. I thought I was done with that life. But this is too good. We could pull an Arizona Double Back on them, Kenneth.
Kenneth: I don’t understand what you’re saying, but I like that it has the word “we” in it!

Jenna: I need a “Happy Blirthday, Jennica” cake.
Jenna: Yes. “Bappy Hirthday, Gremlin.”

Tracy: I’m sorry, I have an erection! I think it’s the sound of the skateboard.

Liz: I was nine years old. I was roller skating in the house which was absolutely forbidden. I was skating down the hallway, on top of the world. My new skates and my new haircut, which everyone thought was a Dorothy Hamill, but was really a Pete Rose.

Liz: She went in my room and took all my posters. Grizzly Adams. Larry Wilcox. Han Solo. Tug McGraw. Mike Schmidt. Kermit. Gunther Geble Williams. She took all the people away, Jack. Sex makes the people go away.
Jack: …I’m gonna see what’s up with this traffic.

Jenna: Do you really not understand what we’re doing.
Kenneth: Of course I do. We’re standing here talking. Adding brick after brick to our friendship castle so that someday it reaches the sky.

Kenneth: We do need help. With enough money we could buy those magic beans from that old hermit. We’ll be rich! Hang on. Why isn’t the hermit rich? Oh wait he is; he has a lot of friends.

Tracy: Shirt on or off, Sean?
Sean: On!
Tracy: Good note, back to one.

Jack: I’m sorry jellybeans. I know how much the Gipper liked you, and I failed him.

Jack: [Tracy Voice]: Boys and Girls Clubs of America, Be Great!

Jack: I’m on my way Liz Lemon. Make way. I’m Reaganing.

Kenneth: Don’t you worry I’m sending you some money so you can get your operation. Now can you put a human on the phone?

Envelope: Parcell Farm. (just past the tire fire.) Stone Mountain. Independent Nation of Dekalb County. Georgia…

Jenna: Kenneth, I know your intentions are good but I don’t like what this is doing to you. You seem meaner and stronger, and what if you got a motorcycle and we did it on it?

Kelsey Grammer: One last long grift, huh? Ok I’m in. But one rule: Anybody gets hurt during the score, we leave them behind to die. Now, who are you and what are we doing?

Kelsey Grammer: I would like 21 cakes that read “Frajer Reunion 2010.”
Clerk: Isn’t it “Frasier?”
Kelsey Grammer: No. It’s “Frajer.” And I should know. I’m Frajer.

Kelsey Grammer: I mean Frajer? Come one. I should throw some tossed salad and scrambled eggs at you.

Kelsey Grammer: Those ice cream saps will woe the day they ever tangled with The Best Friends Gang.

Prostitute: $20 for a party. $60 to bite me during it. I’ll do stuff with a dog but I get to pick the dog.
Jack: People want that?

Prostitute: You wanna watch me be with her? Me with you? Me and both of you without my legs?

Prostitute: You two are pretty uptight for hanging out under a bridge.

Jack: Send everything back. I didn’t do it. I failed.
Jonathan: It’s her isn’t it?
Liz: Sorry.
Jonathan: I hate her, sir!

Kelsey Grammer: Couple hundred dollars, huh? I think I can help you out. But first I’m gonna need 50 to get started.
Jenna: Kelsey, no. I’m proud of you Kenneth. You have a good heart. I hope you get in a car accident someday so that I can have it.
Kelsey Grammer: Now there’s only one thing to do? Beat you out of The Best Friends Gang.

Jack: You are the sexual equivalent of a million Hindenburg’s.

Jack: I’m only gonna say this once a decade. You’re great. You’re Liz Lemon, damn it. In certain lights you’re an 8. Using east coast over 35 standards, excluding Miami.
Liz: Thanks Jack.
Jack: You go in there, you grab Carol, take him into one of those unisex family bathrooms, pull down that diaper changing thing, and go to town on him.

Liz: If I couldn’t get it done in Vegas after a Penn and Teller Show, I don’t know how it’s gonna happen here.

Liz: Does this mean I’m fixed?
Jack: Oh god now. You have years of therapy ahead of you. Probably electro shock.

Liz: Jack Donaghy, in my book, you’re better than Reagan.
Jack: I appreciate that, Lemon. But if you ever speak ill of Reagan again, I’ll smack those teeth straight.

Liz: He’s at JFK. I wrote it down wrong.

Ratings: 5.18 Million Viewers. 2.2/7 in the 18-49 Demo. 3.2/5 Share.

«5.04 – Live Show

5.06 – Gentleman’s Intermission»