Originally Aired: November 11, 2010
Written by: Ron Weiner
Directed by: Michael Engler

Summary:

JACK (ALEC BALDWIN) TRIES TO SWAY A CONGRESSIONAL ELECTION FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE NETWORK. JOHN SLATTERY GUEST STARS.

Jack (Baldwin) tries to influence a Congressional election in favor of a particular candidate (guest star John Slattery) for the benefit of the network. Meanwhile, Liz (Tina Fey) has newfound confidence when Jenna (Jane Krakowski) helps her find the perfect pair of jeans. Later, Jenna helps Tracy (Tracy Morgan) plan a Golden Globe event. Also starring: Jack McBrayer, Judah Friedlander, Scott Adsit and Keith Powell.

Fan Rating: 4.45 out of 5.0.

Promotional Pictures: High Quality

Quotes:

Liz: Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor.
Jenna: Oh come, Liz. This store is cool. It’s huge with all the young people, I mean, all the us.

Liz: This place is trying way too hard. Why are their strait jackets everywhere?
Jenna: Because before this was a clothing store it was a mental hospital. It’s winky and fun.

Jenna: Ms. Lemon, you look hot. I swear to Kabala monster. Those jeans are perfect look at your butt!
Liz: Oh my god is that me?
Jenna: Liz, it’s the dream. Woman on the bottom, girl on the top.
Clerk: OMGod those jeans are zing.
Jenna: This online slang dictionary says it’s short for “amazing” or it’s a club drug made from a tooth whitner. Either way, you win.

Liz: I’ll wear these jeans out. And I’ll take 10 more pairs!
Clerk: Tastic. Should I put the pants you had on in with the jeans?
Liz: No. Burn them. Burn them!

Regina Bookman: “The merger of NBC and Kabletown is bad for the consumer, I don’t trust their executive leadership and Kabletown still has an auxiliary button on their remote. What is that for? It just makes the screen go blue.”

Jack: She said I had three months to make NBC more diverse.
Jonathan: It’s not your fault, nobody watched “America’s Next Top Black Guy.”

Jack: Jonathan, get her opponent in here. Whoever he is, he just made a very powerful friend.
Jonathan: I thought you said you didn’t need any more friends.

Liz: They’re from Brooklyn Without Limits. It’s this very cool store with locations in Gaytown, White Harlem, and they don’t just look great. See the tag? “Hand Made in USA.” Because BWL is all about fair trade and local artisans and staying green.

Liz: These jeans totally make up for all the times I took a long hot shower because I was bored.
Jenna: I’m so excited for you, Liz. Now we both have amazing butts.

Tracy: Jenna, a word. Specifically the word ‘talking.’

Tracy: J-Train. As you may know I was in a film called “Hard to Watch.” And the “pundits” think I have a “chance” at an “Oscar” and I just learned about “air quotes.”

Jenna: Yes. I talked about your movie with my therapist last week for 20 hours.

Jenna: I’m fine. Talking with Dr. Linda helped me realize I have just as much going on in my life. My exercise video is dropping soon. It’s called “Jenna Gets Hard.”

Jenna: HFPA!? That’s the Golden Globes! That’s the second most important awards in Hollywood! After the People’s Choice Awards. Where the fans are in charge.

Jenna: You could have a special screening for them, host a luncheon. And when the time is right… [rubs fingers together]
Tracy: Be bad at snapping. Got it!
Jenna: No Tracy. You can try to bribe them.

Tracy: I’m not an expert at morality, but isn’t that wrong?
Jenna: You’re asking me?
[Both Laugh]

Steve: I go by Steve Austin. That way people see my name on ballots, they think I’m the wrestler, and they vote for me.

Steve: I don’t believe in parties. I don’t join them, and I never get invited to them. Hint hint.

Jack: I like what I’m hearing, Steve.
Steve: Then you’re gonna love the sound of this: Goo Goo Gaga, Jack.
Jack: What’s that?

Steve: The theme of all campaign is “I’m a baby.”
[Flashback to ad with Steve dressed as a baby shaking a rattle.]
Steve: This country has lost its way. We need to start over and return to what made our nation great. My name is Steve Austin and I’m a lifelong resident of Rhode Island, and the manager of a local paintball facility. I will clean out Washington like it’s the bathroom of a paintball facility. Vote Steve Austin. And if you’re blind, I am the wrestler.

Jack: I do have a litmus test.
Steve: Ok. Can I take than in two weeks?

Steve: I believe in small government.
Jack: Excellent answer
Steve: Or no government at all. If it works in Antarctica, why can’t it work here? If we have to have government, make it as small as possible. Dwarves. Tiny buildings. Pizza bagels for lunch.

Steve: The government shouldn’t interfere in anything. What happens inside a man’s own rain poncho at a minor league baseball game is his own business.
Jack: Well, Steve, we should stop talking.

Steve: I need to know that you believe in my message, Jack. Take the rattle. Say “Goo Goo Gaga.”
Jack: Goo goo gaga.

Jenna: Kenneth is our human sushi platter.

Kenneth: Lying perfectly still reminds me of hiding under our porch during the hill people rampage.

Jenna: I should get a chaffing dish and fill it with my underwear in case some Saudi guys show up.

Liz: Let me get this straight. You. The person is still jealous of all the attention Baby Jessica got, are helping Tracy win an award, for acting?

Liz: I trust award shows. They care much how much to care about different dead people.

Jenna: If they could be bribed, I would have won a Golden Globe, for my Lifetime original movie “Sister Could You Spare a Breast.”
Liz: You tried this before?
Jenna: They were so offended, they banned me for life!
Card: NO GOLDEN GLOBES FOR LIFE.

Liz: So you’re sabotaging him?
Jenna: Just like I did to my niece when she tried to sing at our family’s Christmas party.

Liz: You and Tracy deserve each other. I don’t know who to be more disappointed in.
Jenna: Me silly. I’m more aware of what I’m doing!

Jack: I’m sorry miss, do you know where Liz Lemon… Good god! Lemon, those jeans make you like a Mexican sports reporter.

Liz: Hi, do I know you from… outside the bagel store?
Steve: You probably know me from the future where I am the President of the United States.

Steve: The rebirth of America starts now. Whaaa! My name is Steve Austin, and if you’re senile, yes I am the Six Million Dollar Man.

Liz: You don’t have a cell phone?
Steve: Yeah I got a cell phone. I walk around all day with a CIA tracking device in my pocket.

Liz: So you’re putting one more nut job, yeah I said it, one more, I’m political, in Washington so you can advance your career?

Jack: You’re being awfully high and mighty for someone who once claimed their husband died so she could get out of a gym contract.

Liz: I’m a freelancer, which is pretty much a modern day cowboy. And I live like a cowboy by buying quality locally made jeans. Also by eating beans out of a can, due to impatience.

Liz: Hey it’s not all bad, because you get to watch me walk away.

Steve: I know it’s not a house, but I sleep there!

Jenna: What films inspire you?
Tracy: Well definitely the foreign films, like the political ones where you think there’ll be no boobies but then BAM! Boobies.

Jenna: Tracy, what is an actor?
Tracy: I think the better question is “what isn’t an actor?” A lamp. A couch. That mirror. A hidden pistol…

Jenna: A special voters only screening of “Hard to Watch” based on the book “Stone Cold Bummer” by Manipulate.

Tracy: I used to have dreams. I was an all-city running back. I was going to run out of here. To college. To suburbs. Now the only thing I use a football for, is as toilet.

Steve: I am a constitutional originalist. I believe that our Founding Fathers had it right. We need to get back to their America. No paved roads. Rum used as an anesthetic. Legalized slavery.
Jack: Alright some good pieces…
Steve: Jack, want to see my hand gestures? There’s “You Listen to me.” “Forceful conclusion.” “There’s work to be done.” “Hand me that shovel so I can dig a grave for her.”

Jack: She’s courting the youth vote. That means she’s desperate.
Jonathan: My generation never votes. It interferes with talking about ourselves all the time.

Jack: Do you know who owns Brooklyn Without Limits.
Liz: Brooklyn Zach. He throws pool parties in dumpsters.
Jack: Halliburton.

Jack: It’s not Hand Made in the USA. It’s pronounced Han Made in Usa. The Hand people are a Vietnamese slave tribe and Usa is their island prison. They made your jeans. You know how they get the stitching so small? Orphans.

Jack: We all make compromises. At least I’m doing it for the company for jobs. You’re doing it FOR YOUR ASS!

Liz: I don’t believe you. The liberal media would have told me about this!
Jack: There’s no such thing. The New York Times is owned by NYT Incorporated which is Albion Ballistic Dynamics which is owned by the Murdock family who are owned by ah! Halliburton.

Liz: How can you work here? DO you know who owns this place?
Clerk: Halliburton, bitch. So what?
Liz: Look at you! You’re meticulously groomed and you turned a tie into a belt!
Clerk: Oh so gay men can’t be conservative? You’re so norant. That’s short for ignorant.

Steve: Wow. Haven’t seen so many suits since my trial.

Jack: Steve, of course you know Ed Pearlman.
Steve: Pearlman? Isn’t that name Je…
Jack: AHAHAHAHAHA!

Police: Your mother exploded.

Jenna: That movie gave me drunk in the bathtub face.

Liz: You were right about BWL. Crunchy on the outside, right wing nut job on the inside.
Jack: Like Anne Coulters’ underwear.

Jack: I believe in Steve Austin and his plan to put a casino on the moon.

Jenna: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you were great.
Tracy: Wait. Great like good? Or grate like what I dropped my asthma inhaler down the other day?

Jenna: You are going to win. And when you do, I’ll be furious. Like waking up next to Rob Schnider furious.

Tracy: It’s like the thing I said in another movie I made. “Compromises are for lesser souls. Die werewolf zombie!”

Liz: Fine I’ll go home and change. Take a last look guys.
Jenna: I would hit that.
Tracy: Too small.

Jack: Lesbian Mario Brothers!

Jack: That is the most unflattering item of clothing I’ve ever seen you wear. And I’m including 2008’s turtleneck with smiley face vest.

Jack: Steve?
Steve: [From couch fort] Friend or foe?

Steve: Americans are a simple but powerful people which is why I have written a new national anthem. Uga bugga big! Uga bugga strong! I’m gonna sing my ugga bugga song!
Liz: Wow that’s worse than the speech my grandpa made when my cousin married a Japanese girl.
Jack: As if it that weren’t enough, Austin was mocked in Jay Leno’s monologue tonight.

Jack: Letting morality get in the way of making money. I might as well go be a teacher.

Liz: Cake Boy!
Kenneth: This has been the best day of my life!

Steve: I believe ketchup bottles should be 500% large. We are all responsible for Heroes becoming terrible. But what kind of jail are these alien prisoners being held in? We should bring back slavery! And they’re backed by big corporations! Animals can govern themselves. Taken out of context that was exactly what I meant. As God as my witness we will build casinos on the moon! Thank You!

Ratings: 5.090 Million Viewers.  3.1/5 Share.  2.4/7 in the Demo.

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