Originally Aired: February 17, 2011
Written by: Vali Chandrasekaran
Directed by: John Riggi

Summary: JACK LOSES HIS NEGOTIATING EDGE WHILE JENNA TRIES TO DISTRACT LIZ WITH A REBOUND

Jenna takes Liz out to distract her from her breakup and prove love still exists, while Jack, a newly sleep-deprived father, loses his negotiating edge when discussing his nanny’s salary. Pete (Scott Adsit) and Frank (Judah Friedlander) start a rock band.

Promotional Pictures: High Quality

Fan Rating: 4.55 out of 5.0

Quotes:

Jenna: Hang on. Why do you have a cat? And a fanny pack? And your ponytail! It’s being held up by a chip clip.
Liz: Because I’m giving up, Jenna.

Liz: How many times does a woman meet Mr. Right? I’ve had three chances. Floyd, then Carol, and I was once in an elevator with Tom Brokaw. And I blew all three… opportunities!

Liz: I am making my graceful transition into spinsterhood. I have adopted this cat, named her Emily Dickenson…
Writers: [Groan]
Liz: Named her Emily Dickenson!

Jack: Lemon, a word. Hang on, recent break up, fanny pack, cat. Quick, who is the lead character on NCIS?
Liz: Special Agent Jethro Gibbs.
Jack: In your office, now.

Liz: I took the money I was saving for my honeymoon and I bought a cemetery plot.

Liz: I also joined a book club at the senior center near my home. We’re reading Murder on the Orient Express.
Jack: You know there’s a movie of that, right?
Liz: I did not. [Throws away book.]

Jack: Avery’s maternity leave was cut short so she could go cover the collapse of Greece’s banking system. Since inventing Democracy those guys have been coasting.

Jack: Meeting Magazine is already calling it the first great meeting of the decade.

Liz: Aren’t NBC and Kabletown the same company now. That seems like a pretty big conflict of interest. Why would the government even allow that merger.
Jack: It’s ok don’t worry. You just keep watching Bridalplasty.
Liz: Alysson died last week.

Jack: These women run your household so you have to keep them happy which means not saying anything as your DVR fills up with Trinidadian soap operas.

Liz: Watch this; I can fit Emily Dickinson whole head in my mouth.

Pete: Rock stars, man. People screaming your name, hot women throwing themselves at you…
Frank: Living on a bus!

Pete: Yeah. I was in Loverboy. But then I had choose between staying in the band and taking that college scholarship to study tv budgeting.

Jack: I hope there was enough shark meat in the refrigerator for one of your sandwiches.

Jack: I’m actually paying more money for you to be here half the time.

Jack: We value what you do, but this rate is uh, unreasonable.
Sherry: So. What you want to do?
Jack: I want to resolve this fairly and amicably… and I don’t want any bad blood… so… it was nice negotiating with you and here is all of your money.

Liz: Why are you talking so fast?
Jenna: Because I’m upset! Also I’ve been taking some of these new Czechoslovakian organ slimming pills. They contain a little meth. Which is something my body needs anyways.

Jenna: I am taking you out so you can rebound. Sexually.
Liz: What? No!
Jenna: Now when I’m rebounding I like to do it with an NBA player because…well it’s fun word play and they’re mean.

Jenna: I didn’t give up when Eric Roberts abandoned me in the desert and I won’t now. No judgment, Liz, Mr. Robert’s father was dead.

Pete: We’re recording a song called “It’s Never Too Late For Now.” It’s about that delicious little mystery I call “life.”
Liz: Oh my god that sucks.

Liz: My fanny pack is in my office, in my mini fridge. I like my tampons to be cold.

Pete: When we get up at the Grammys, I talk not you!

Liz: [answering phone] This is Loz. Liz. This is Liz.

Jack: Lemon I am supposed to represent NBC in a negotiation that Rex Belcher of the American Journal of Meetings rated four chairs. Four.
Liz: I’m sorry is that another magazine about meetings.

Jack: I made every mistake you can in a negotiation. I spoke first, I smiled, I negotiated with myself. If I had done that during a mock negotiation in business school, Professor Widmer would have spanked me in front of whole class, bare bottom.

Jack: Lemon you just had a structural analytic insight. Professor Widmer would have given you a good job spanking.
Liz: What is business school?

Jack: The reason Sherry can manipulated me is because she has leverage. 8 pounds of screaming, toothless, soft skulled leverage.

Liz: Wow, Jack I can never pretend to hate my beautiful baby daughter… Emily Dickinson the cat.

Donna: I think maybe I have food poisoning.
Liz: Really? Cause I’ve never had a problem ordering from American Sub Restaurant Very Clean Come In.

Liz: Where did you come from?!
Jenna: It’s a trick I developed to catch people talking about me behind my back. Do you know everyone thinks I’m insane?

Liz: You know how much I hate clubs and dance halls and odeons.

Jenna: Yes if you don’t like it you can leave. This isn’t Eric Robert’s teepee.

Jack: I don’t care about the baby. I’ve only known her for a few weeks and other than a fondness for Avery’s breasts, Liddy and I have nothing in common. She’s one of two people ever to throw up on me and I haven’t spoken to Joe Namath since that Mardi Gras. What’s more, I don’t think Liddy looks like me so evolutionarily that makes me want to eat her.

Jack: Please stay. I’ll send everyone in your family to college.

Jenna: Soft music, ample seating, and I know how much you like clearly marked fire exits.
Liz: Don’t worry I’ll find something to hate. Ugh this sucks. This place is called Canal Yards Project? What does that even mean?
Jenna: I don’t know it used to be a factory or something.
Liz: Nope hipster nonsense I’m out.

Bartender: I need to see your ID miss.
Liz: How about this for ID: I participated in Hands Across America.

Anders: I recognized your hair from across the room. What is that, is it chestnut?
Liz: Oh the color is actually called “Grandfather’s shoe.

Anders: Can I get you a drink? I’m having white wine with ice cubes and sprite.
Liz: That’s my drink! I keep a thermos of it by my toilet! You miss heard me!

Anders: So did they make your droids wake up too?
Liz: Seriously why can’t droids go into the cantina?! I mean Ponda Baba can try to shoot Luke…
Anders: But a protocol droid is somehow a problem.

Pete: Why can’t I hear my vocals?
Frank: I just mixed them down a little. I think it sounds better.
Pete: Oh really? Do you think that? Or does she?
Frank: This has nothing to do with Yuki!

Pete: Sound Mound is finished! Which means I have 5000 t-shirts to unorder.
Cerie: Pete, like 20 of these just came in for you.
Pete: Damnit!

Liz: I like how you don’t have have one weird little tooth.
Anders: Thank you. Look I was going to go back to my hotel room get “Eat, Pray, Love” on SpectraVision and make fun of it.
Liz: Ugh, Julia Roberts in a movie about eating? Give me Kirstie Ally, someone who knows what she’s doing.

Anders: A fight. Typical night club malarkey!

Liz: My hearts pounding like I’m watching Oprah’s farewell season!

Anders: I don’t believe in signs or messages from the universe. You know what I do believe? It’s never too late for now.

Jack: I have to negotiate with my colleges at KableTown after having been reamed by a woman wearing Winnie the Pooh hospital pants.

Jack: I don’t have what you have, Sherry, a brand new baby that they’ve poured time and money and love into. Some helpless pathetic, useless think that would die if left alone… Oh god I do have that. I have NBC!

Executive: NBC is part of Kable-town Family now. It’s our baby. And we want it thrive. But your offer is unreasonable?
Jack: So… what you want to do?

Liz: I see you opened the scotch NBC sent us the week we came in third.

Jack: I see someone got to first base which is what I consider sex with a stranger.
Liz: Ok you’re right I had a one night stand. And it was not the worst.

Jack: Stranger things happen every day. I once saw a internet video of a mouse and a bird that are friends. Don’t over think it.

Liz: Gasp.

Liz: Last night a repulsive act occurred at a hotel in midtown. There are two possible explanations to as this event came to be. A simple one and a complex one. The simple explanation is that I went to a discothèque, and a handsome interesting man fell for me. In the wake of my break up I had an experience that
Jack: Great I think we’re done here.
Liz: Please monsieur.

Liz: How does one loose ones license out of a malfunction proof Velcro Phillys sports wallet?!

Liz: Four glasses and yet I was wide awake. Was my uncharacteristic energy perhaps due the giddiness of the evening? Or was someone slipping me black market organ slimming pills!?
Jenna: Liz I wouldn’t…
Liz: Taha!

Lutz: What this? I got hit by a bird on a rollercoaster.

Dot Com: You had to sign your crime, didn’t you?
Grizz: You’re the one who gave me those Monk DVDs.

Liz: How did Anders know that phrase. How did Anders seemingly know everything about me.
[Cut to the meeting] TV: Star Wars. Fried Food. Bagging on Movies. Malarkey.
Jack: It’s white wine, ice cubes and sprite. She calls it “funky juice.”
Anders: I don’t think I want to do this.

Liz: There’s only one question I can’t answer: who was Anders? And old Harvard chum of Toofers? The son of one of Jack’s senator friends?
Jack: He certainly wasn’t a Swiss prostitute that Martha Stewart recommended to me.

Liz: Of course such a conspiracy would require a group of people who knew me so well and cared about my happiness so much, that it’s impossible to believe. No one could ever be that lucky.

Liz: I choose to believe that last night Liz Lemon, got some, and felt good about it.

Liz: Oh god! A hawk got her! Emily Dickinson!

Ratings: 4.072 Million Viewers.  2.5/4 Household/Share.  2.0/6 in the 18-49 Demo.

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