Originally Aired: March 17, 2011

Written by: Tracey Wigfield
Directed by: Ken Whittingham

Summary: ON A “TGS”-CENTERED EPISODE OF ANGIE’S REALITY SHOW, LIZ (TINA FEY) STRUGGLES TO CONVINCE ANGIE (GUEST STAR SHERRI SHEPHERD) TO LURE TRACY BACK FROM AFRICA.

Jack (Alec Baldwin) puts Liz in charge of an event for Angie in the hopes that she can emotionally manipulate Angie into making an appeal to Tracy. The “Queen of Jordan” cameras bring Jack some embarrassment while leaving Jenna starved for attention. A lost love returns to Frank’s (Judah Friedlander) life, causing him to question his maturity. Susan Sarandon guest stars.

Promotional Pictures: Behind the Scenes Watermarked

Fan Rating: 4.419 out of 5.

Quotes:

Angie: Don’t tell me I can’t sing. What the **** have you ever done? Who the **** are the Beatles?

Tracy: I know the photos hoot for Randy’s dog’s funeral is the wrong place to tell you this but uh I’m going to Africa.

Queen of Jordan: Created by Tina Fey
Angie: It’s my way til payday.

D’Fwan: D’Fwan forgot his catch phrase.

Angie: It has been my dream to be a singer ever since I was a little… drunk the other day and rented out a recording space.

Title: Jack, NBC Executive/Tracy’s Boss
Title: Liz, Another Person

Angie: As you know my single “My Single is Dropping” is dropping.
Liz: What’s happening?
Angie: My single is called “My Single is Dropping” and it’s dropping.

Jack: With Tracy gone TGS will be airing another Best of Special.
Liz: Actually legal says we can’t use the word “best.”

Tracy: Angie! Look what the banister did to me!

Tracy: Our boat exploded.

Liz: You can’t do this.
Angie: Are you giving me orders? Am I the waiter? Is this the restraint I’m opening up with Dennis Rodman and Webster?
Liz: No I just thought you would be on my side. Yes we can! Obama 08. Remember?

Jack: As an executive of Kabletown and NBC Universal, I am ordering you not to use that footage. John Francis Donaghy, verbal signature.

Liz: No we’re not writing a tearful admission about you being a call girl in Delaware. Write it yourself.
Randi: For your information I am a Christian illiterate, so that’s not an option.

Jenna: Liz! I’m so mad at you for that thing you did!
Title: Janna, Former Child Star.
Jenna: Am I trying to instigate fights by throwing wine at people just to get on camera, and maybe also promote my new lifestyle website “jenna-side.com”? Of course not. I mean is wine throwing something that even gets you a reality show?
[Wine throwing montage]

Liz: God Jenna. I told you not to buy that domain name. Say it out loud.
Jenna: Jenna-Side. Jenna-side. I’m not hearing it, Liz.

Toofer: Guess who’s getting out of jail?
Pete: I don’t know. But I hope they didn’t collect $200.
Title: Pete, Powerless Bald.

Pete: A teacher praying on a teacher is wrong… if the teacher is male and the student is female. What happened to Frank is awesome.

Angie: I need to look good for my party. And I refuse to wear anything in my size or appropriate for my age.

Jack: This morning. I did not trip.
Liz: What? Yeah you did.

Jack: You know how the media are. They wait for a mistake and that’s all you are. It happened to Hitler. No one ever talks about his paintings.

Liz: D’Fwan told me she’s the spokeswoman for the Ham Council!
Jack: People do like the way she says ham.
Angie: HAM!

Liz: I like bands. Like… Amy Grant?

Jack: Manipulate her. Play her like the Lake Course at the Olympic Club. A notoriously easy golf course.

Liz: I knew you’d have my back.
Jack: Speaking of which your shirt is tucked into your underwear.

Liz: Wow. If only Tracy here he’d be like “Damn woman I want to make love to your neck!”
Angie: Don’t do impressions of other races.

D’Fwan: I’m not just a gay hairdresser. I’m also a homosexual party planner.

Title: Kenneth, Elderly Page.
Kenneth: Mr. D’Fwan. Party City does not sell giant see through clocks or strap on Pegasus wings. So I bought this paper pineapple instead.

Portia: Oh snap! That’s Lynn Onkman. Portia reads the papers.

Title: Dotcom, Grizz’s best friend.
Title: Grizz, Greg’s best friend.

Jack: When I was at Princeton I played baseball and football. And back then football players went both ways.
Dot Com: Really, so you went both ways?
Jack: Yea we all did. It was the 70s.

Jack: Yeah I was on the DL most of my Junior year.
Dot Com: DL can mean Disabled List. But it can also mean down low. Or secretly gay. Which one was Jack talking about?
Jack: When we were on the DL we spend most of our time in the whirlpool, getting a rub down.
Dot Com: You were a switch hitter
Jack: Switch hitter, pitcher, catcher. Whatever the boys needed.
Title: Jack, Tracy’s gay boss.
Jack: I think I made my point.

Jenna: I drank all the throwing wine.

Jenna: Come on, Portia. I don’t wanna fight.

Jenna: Drunk actor brain storm. I’m going to make Pete host an intervention for me. It will be all about Jenna. Drama. Crying. The beauty of redemption. Perhaps a song. This is the best day of my life.

Angie: I’m sorry you want me to perform in this?
Liz: Yeah, you’re Amy Grant from the “Baby Baby” video. The one where the man likes her at that carnival.
Angie: That’s some white nonsense.
Liz: Too bad Tracy’s not here to take your side. He’d be like “Damn you, Liz Lemon.”
Angie: We’ve discussed this, Elizabeth.

Angie: I’m looking for dancers who can dance for 15 seconds because that’s how long my song is.

Randi: Frank and Lynn’s story really moved me. So I let them have the reunion date at the strip-aerobics studio I bought with the money I got after that cop shot me.

Frank: What else did you miss in prison… Oh they kept remaking the Hulk and it kept getting worse.

Lynn: I still remember the moment when we fell in love.
Frank: You were administering a scoliosis test to the class and you lingered on my spine.

Lynn: You live with your mother?
Frank: Yeah. Otherwise who’d wake me up for work?

Lynn: The boy I fell in love with was the most amazing 8^th grader I’ve ever met.

Jack: I thought this was a meeting to discuss your spinoff where you do matchmaking for wealthy dogs.

D’Fwan: I used to be in the military but I was unfairly thrown out because I went beserker around all those dudes and tried to bang everybody.

Jack: There’s nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. [Sings] Oh the merry men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls… ok I hear it now.

Jack: I’m not gay or clumsy, so your little show has nothing with which to embarrass me. [Stands up] [Fart Sound] That was the chair. Here I’ll show you. It was the chair.

Jenna: Is this an intervention?
Pete: We all agree it’s gone too far, Kenneth, Richard Esposito, your two psychics…
Psychic: Wait? You’re seeing another psychic? I mean I knew that.

Jenna: No! I am not doing this! I’m leaving! Read your letters.
Pete: Jenna everyone has written you letters that they’d like to share.
Kenneth: Ms. Maroney, your addiction has negatively affected me in the following ways. #1. I was so worried I forgot to write the rest of this letter.

Liz: No pinwheel not now!

Angie: Are you on my email? Are you emailing my husband?
Liz: I can explain. I’m asleep right now and I think that that’s my computer. [Pretends to wake up] Huh? What? Where am I?

Angie: There’s more where this came from. I’m contractually obligated to pull out some bitches weave eight more times this season.

Pete: Anyway that’s why I did it. One to see the fear in her eyes. And two without Tracy or Jenna we can file a claim against the shows insurance and keep getting paid without working. So it’s kind of the best day of my life.

Randi: After my second husband shot me the second time, I realized that love is the most important thing of all.

Lynn: How did you know where I worked?
Frank: It’s one of the benefits about being in love with a registered sex offender.

Frank: Skeletor is not my favorite, you are.

Manager: Give me a waiver to sign. The world has to be educated about blurry face syndrome.

Jack: You know what I give up. If this idiotic show insists on portraying me as some clumsy gay flatulent, so be it. I’m extremely secure in my athleticism, my masculinity, and my rectal integrity.
D’Fwan: Mmmhm.
Jack: Mmmhm indeed, D’Fwan.

D’Fwan: Yeah he’s straight. That boy cannot dance.

Jack: I know what D’Fwan said about me, and it is on. At Princeton I played Maria in an all-male production of West Side Story.

Pete: Jenna, what are you doing here, you’re supposed to be on a plane.
Jenna: I explained to Charles that I was just pretending to be an alcoholic to be on camera. And we laughed. And he said I can drink as much as I want. So cheers to good friends!
Charles: You’re insane! In the lobby she pulled a wrench out of her purse and hit me over the head.
Jenna: I will never go to Minnesota!

Liz: Shut up Angie! Just shut up! I’m sick of your selfishness! People’s jobs are at steak!
Angie: I’m selfish? You are a joke! And everybody things so!
Liz: Let me talk! I am talking! Will you let me talk? Can I talk for once?!

Liz: TGS is my family. And my family is thick as thieves!
[Flips over table]
Liz: Now who here wants to teach me how to fight!?

Kenneth: Attention everyone. I found a glove in the elevator. If anyone is missing a glove I might have found your glove.

Angie: What I really want is for everything to go back to the way it used to be. I just want to wake up in the morning and look over at my husband asleep on my neighbors roof.

Kenneth: Wait you know what? This is my glove. If anyone sees another glove I’ve lost one of my gloves.

Next week on Queen of Jordan:
Jack: I challenge you to a **** dance contest
Jenna: [Drinking in the vents] You’ll never get me Charles!
Liz: Why are you mad at me?
Randi: Because of what you said.
Liz: I never said it!
Jack: That was the chair because I only pass gas once a year for an hour on top of a mountain in Switzerland.

Ratings: 4.192 Million Viewers. 2.7/5 Share. 1.7/5 in the Demo.

«5.16 – TGS Hates Women

5.18 – Plan B»