Originally Aired: March 24, 2011

Written by: Josh Siegal & Dylan Morgan
Directed by: Jeff Richmond

Summary: WITH “TGS” ON HIATUS, LIZ (TINA FEY) AND THE REST OF THE “TGS” CREW TRY TO FIND OTHER JOBS. AARON SORKIN AND WILL ARNETT GUEST STAR.

Liz tries to reassure her staff that the show’s forced hiatus is temporary, but everyone starts to focus on their fallback plans. Meanwhile, Jack (Alec Baldwin) attempts to salvage a cable network by enlisting his nemesis, Devin Banks (guest star Will Arnett).

Promotional Pictures: High Quality

Fan Rating: 4.37 out of 5.

Quotes:

Liz: Hey Jack the vending machine is broken.
Jack: I know. I broke it. I needed to speak with you and I knew that was the fastest way to get you up here.
Liz: You bastard! I trusted you!

Tracy: I’m doing god’s work here in Africa. Why just yesterday I kicked two naked people out of a garden.
Liz: But Tracy we need you here.
Tracy: Click Click Click. Yeah that’s right I just put you in your place in African.

Jack: TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordan is an oxymoron like liberal government or female scientist.
Liz: Or Princeton Football.
Jack: We were 4-3 in Ivy League play last year. Our quarterback Henry Chang… doesn’t matter.

Liz: You’re looking out for us right? Pounding on desks and doing whatever this is called [waving finger.]
Jack: Power wagging.

Jack: I’ve spent a lot of political capital buying a new network for Kabletown.
Liz: Is it TNT? Are Rizzoli and Isles friends in real life?
Jack: It’s a small cable network targeted towards gay male viewers. It’s called TWINKS.
Liz: That’s the name of your network? Isn’t twink a term for a young hairless gay man?
Jack: Nonsense, TWINK is an acronym designed to promote a positive gay image. TWINKS: Television With Individuals Naïve Kinky S(?)… ok.

Jack: My programing is yet to find it’s footing.
Gay Sports Center: Ugh no. Next. Boring. Who?

Jack: When I was with D’Fwan on Queen of Jordan, he spent $4000 on Chihuahua outfits, for himself.

Jack: I’d like to help but I’m afraid “My Hands are Tied.”… is the only show anyone’s watching on TWINKS.

Frank: Sydney, it’s Frank. TGS is dead start booking me stand up gigs. How many black women’s colleges are there in the country?

Frank: Harriet Tubman’s school of Nursing? Yes and yes!

Pete: Last time I taught I was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society. By which I mean I got fired.

Jenna: I meant my Jenna Babies and I will get through this. I’ve been selling these on QVC for years. They’re my plan B. This is Asian Jenna Baby.
Asian Jenna Baby: Excuse me GI, do you miss your girlfriend? I’m good at math.
Jenna: So it’s not offensive.

Sue: I’m going back to the job I had in Holland, Police Psychic. A Dutch TV show was based on me.
[TV Show]
Detective: [In Dutch] I see a hand raising this blade. It is very dark, There is a wooden shoe, and a windmill. The murderer was the Prime Minister.
Van Der Hoot: Psychische (De Mentaalist)

Liz: What did you major in?
Toofer: Sorry I don’t understand… oh I see at Harvard we call them concentrations.

Kenneth: I’ll find a way to save the show. Let me take out my idea journal. This just says “Bird Internet.”

Liz: Simon, you’re my agent. You’re not supposed to panic. You’re supposed to help me.
Simon: Like how Fredward helps iCarly.

Simon: Everything has vampires now a days. Have you seen the Twilight movies or Vampire Diaries? I’m not allowed to.

Liz: You need to get me some meetings.
Simon: Would you be willing to come in for an Alpo commercial? If you can get through the audition without pooping it’s yours.

Hank: So Jack, how’s the baby?
Jack: Baby? Oh yes BABY. Black Asian Bisexual Youths. Those are the kind of viewers we want and TWINKS is going to bring them in.

Jack: Liddy, she’s adorable. My night nurse swears she calls me “Coschelle” which in Trinidadian-Creole means “Stranger.”

Hank: There’s lots of things I like; fishing, marches by John Phillip Sousa, telephones that look like footballs. But there’s one thing I don’t like; losing money. I don’t know if my tone is conveying the fury I feel about this, but I am, pardon my French Bon Jiour. Now that’s just a joke, but I am really really mad.

Jack: I’m already working on fixing TWINKS. I’m remaking Knight Rider with the Oscar Meyer Weiner mobile.

Hank: You bought something you didn’t understand. Like the time I bought a tickets to Black Swan. Remember when a movie was just a fellow with a hat running away from a fellow with no hair?
Jack: No.

Jack: Hank, there is a gay Jack Donaghy. His name is Devon Banks.
Devon: I’ve sensed something, a presence I’ve net felt since… [Dons his cape.]

Jack: I’ve decided to hire Devon Banks.
Liz: Banks? He’s your nemesis. That would be like me hiring that mouse that keeps pooping in my slippers.

Jack: He’s a gay shark. Like the actor who played Jaws.

Jack: Devon put all of his eggs in the Obama basket. When the administration started to falter because of our conspiracy… I mean Obamas ineptitude…

Jack: He tried to rejoin us capitalists. He showed up at John Paulson’s Sweet 16 Billion party. Nobody talked to him. Not even Ira. And he was all “Oh I’ll just look at these books” and pretended to get a text and left. And we were all like, whatever. We’ll go to IHOP and not tell him.

Jack: I throw him a life line and he come crawling back like a gay uh… crab I guess, what else crawls, Lemon?
Liz: Babies, Jack. You have one.

Jack: Hank Hooper is a traditionalist. He had his first heart attack when he saw pineapple on a pizza. He’ll hate Banks and his hairless nostrils. A man should have nose hairs.

Liz: Speaking of TV ideas, would you buy a show about a girl television writer trying to have it all in the city…and also she’s a vampire I guess?
Jack: I like the end part.

Jack: I thought we understood each other?
Liz: I thought we understood that you are never to think that I understand anything!

Jack: You have no Plan B? I’ve been telling you to prepare for the end of TGS for the last two years.
Liz: Well there have been a lot of Amazing Races on since then and I’ve had to watch them and go online and comment on them.

Jack: Here are your options: You can go to LA.
Liz: Ugh. I’ve been to LA once.
[Flashback] April 29, 1992
Liz: How do I get to 10?
Man: It’s the 10!

Liz: Do I know you?
Aaron Sorkin: You know my work. Walk with me. I’m Aaron Sorkin. The West Wing, Few Good Men, Social Network.
Liz: Studio 60?
Aaron Sorkin: Shut up.

Aaron Sorkin: Our craft is dying while people are playing Angry Birds and poking each other on Facebook. What is poking anyway? Why won’t anyone do it to me? I’m cool.

Liz: Did we just go in a circle?
Aaron Sorkin: Listen lady, a gender I write for extremely well if the story calls for it, this is serious. We make horse buggies, the first Model T just rolled in to town.
Liz: We’re dinosaurs.
Aaron Sorkin: We don’t need two metaphors, that’s bad writing. Not that it matters.

Frank: If you want to save this dumb show you have to get the fans involved. You know like sometimes people mail stuff to networks to let the networks know how passionate they are. They sent light bulbs to save Friday Night lights, hot sauce to save Roswell, and douchbags to save Entourage.

Devon: These aren’t babies, they’re organ farms.

Jack: Devon, explain the gaybies.
Devon: I’m a house husband now, happy? I married a shiny black dancer named Cashmire. We mixed our sperm together so nobody would know who’s babies are whose.

Devon: You came all the way out here to Brooklyn, to offer me, Banks, a job? You must be desperate, Jack. Twinks must be exploding, and not in a good way. You thought that I would lick your boots, but you need me. So now I’m going to make you let me lick your boots.
Jack: I’ll keep you on a very tight leash.
Devon: Fantastic, continue.
Jack: I will not gay set you up again so let me be very clear: You’ll be under me and if there’s on slip up your ass is mine.

Devon: You couldn’t resist coming to see how fall I’ve fallen. But that was your mistake. Down comes the rain to washed the spider out.
Jack: No you are the spider. I am the sun. I dry up all the rain.
Devon: Yes, freeing me, the spider to climb up the spout again.
Jack: You bastard!

Devon: Now, who wants some num nums?

Simon: Liz, I’m going to tell you what I tell my dog clients when I drop them.

Hank: I’m a straight shooter Jack, except for the urinal. But that’s just a little shrapnel side effect from Vietnam.

Hank: Boy, I hope my tone is conveying how annoyed I am.

Hank & Jack: You bought a baby to a business meeting!/…

Hank: I’ll just entertain this little bundle of joy with one of my Uncle Hank stories. The VC was everywhere, yes they were, yes they were.

Jack: Using your own baby to get in with Hooper.
Devon: I bought the sexiest one too. His cheek bones like granite.

Devon: This isn’t even baby vomit on my jacket. It’s mine! All mine!

Kenneth: How was substitute teaching, sir?
Pete: Oh just like Lean on Me. In that a guy who looks like Morgan Freeman swung a bat at me.

Kenneth: I’ve already sent about a hundred of these, even though licking an envelope is a sin. Unless you’re married to it. So I had to marry each envelope and then divorce it. Which brings me to my 9^th point…

Pete: I’m not with him! God bless America!

Kenneth: My thorax!

Detective: We never could have found him so quickly without your help. Thank you Mentaalist.
Sue: It is a gift and a curse. In a TV show you bang me in a tulip field under credits.

Poster: Transformers 5: Written by No One

Kid: [pointing at newspaper dispense] Mommy, what’s that?
Homeless Man: It’s a toilet. Or a woman. It’s whatever you need it to be.
Liz: No! People of the sidewalk we cannot give up on the written word. We need stories! Because I don’t have a plan B. I have a degree in theater tech with a minor in movement. Why did my parents let me do that?!

Liz: Who are you?
Woman: Better to ask who we used to be. People whose professions are no longer a thing. Once I was called “Travel agent.”
Man: I was an American auto worker.
Man: And I played dynamite saxophone solos in rock n roll songs.
Woman: Come, we live under the subways with the CEO of Friendster.

Devon: Oh my. Empty coffee pot. Same cheap $300 tie as yesterday. Nose hair all askew. You’ve been here all night trying to figure out who to fight back, haven’t you?

Jack: Europe is my purview. I was supposed to go there next week. I was going to take a picture where it looked like I was holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Devon: Now I’ll be taking that picture. Do you have any idea who strong I’ll look?

Devon: I vanquished you in one day. I was trapped in a world of wet wipes and rectal thermometers. Then the babies came and life changed.

Devon: Do you know what it’s like to have triplets? It’s just everything times three. Three pairs of grubby little hands smearing food all over your brand new Chihuahua outfits. Three pairs of feet in their weird soft little shoes. Three pairs of eyes, brown… like my husbands. Three perfect little mouths, that smile every time I walk through the door. Three tummys that just want their num nums.

Jack: I had stuff planned I was going to Trading Places you.

Devon: Damn it Jack, you are strong. You’re like Dora’s friend
Jack & Devon: Benne the Bull.

Kenneth: That’s funny this is the same place Mr. Jordan gets pizza from in Africa.
Liz: I’m sorry, what?

Tracy: Africa’s great! We’ve got Ju Ju monstres, gum gum tries and horsicorns, which is a unicorn with a horse’s head.

Liz: Kenneth, you beautiful goon!

Kenneth: I did it! I saved the show! Now I won’t have to go work in news.
Liz: And I won’t have to be the world’s worst hooker.
[Cut]
Liz: You want to party? It’s $5,000 for kissing, $10,000 for snuggling. End of list.

Liz: No. I’m hungry again!

Kenneth: So what’s the weather like?
Tracy: Crazy! It’s the snowiest winter we’ve had in years in New York… in Africa.

Kenneth: I’ve probably should have realized he was in New York.

Ratings: 4.359 Million Viewers.  2.7/5 Share.  1.9/5 in the 18-49 Demo.

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