Originally Aired: May 5, 2011

Written by: Hannibal Buress & Ron Weiner
Directed by: Don Scardino

Summary: LIZ LEMON’S (TINA FEY) SUMMER VACATION IS INTERRUPTED WHEN TRACY (TRACY MORGAN) SHOWS UP.

With the fifth season of “TGS” over, everyone is getting ready for summer. Liz’s (Fey) relaxing vacation in the Hamptons is ruined when Tracy (Morgan) moves in next door. With his wife gone, Jack (Alec Baldwin) is feeling lonely and decides to use Kenneth (Jack McBrayer) as her replacement. Meanwhile, Jenna (Jane Krakowski) faces a choice between love and career when her role as spokeswoman for the Wool Council affects her relationship with Paul (Will Forte).

Promotional Pictures: High Quality

Fan Rating: 4.205 out of 5.0

Quotes:

Dr. Spaceman: Alright now that the Popsicle is melted we’ve got ourselves a tongue depressor.

Liz: I wanted you at these cold sores. I get them when I’m stressed out.
Dr. Spaceman: Oh nothing to be ashamed of. I get them from prostitutes.

Liz: I’ve just had a hard couple of months. Work has been crazy, and I went through a bad break up, and then there was this plastic bag that represented my death.
Dr. Spaceman: Sounds like you can use a little R&R. Rum and Riddilin.

Liz: There are just four things I want to do this summer. Be out doors, wear shapeless clothing, do some mindless activity like gardening and learn Spanish.
Dr. Spaceman: There are four things I want to do this summer, but they’re roommates so it’s tricky.

Dr. Spaceman: Here’s a prescription for your cold sores and here’s a blank one for the weekend.

Dr. Spaceman: One final thing, why aren’t you wearing pants?
Liz: The other doctor told me to take them off.
Dr. Spaceman: Other doctor? [Laughs] That’s my brother Randy. Tomorrow he’s going to jail for the rest of his life.

Liz: I knoooow.
Jack: Stop talking like that, Lemon.
Liz: I’m trying to but I’m kind of locked in, sweetie. The voice is controlling me now. Help meee.

Jack: Obviously this has been difficult. I’m not sleeping. Last night I sat in front of the TV and ate an entire carton of Foige gras. I could hardly drink my morning shower scotch.

Jack: It’s the little things I miss the most. On a day like this we would go to Strawberry Fields in Central Park and kick hippies hacky sacks into the bushes.

Jack: Normal? I don’t know what normal is anymore.
Liz: Normal is a woman and a woman getting married and having a child.
Jack: What?!
Liz: Is me being a bummer helping you feel like your old self?
Jack: Keep going.
Liz: Bush is a war criminal! There’s so much texting going on these days and no communicating. Carbon Tax!
Jack: Please Leave!

Jenna: Do you remember when I performed during half time at the Wool Bowl? It was on ESPN 34.
[Wool Bowl]
Jenna: [singing] You can’t spell America without W-O-O-L. It’s all better in wool.
Announcer: A singer everyone!
Jenna: Wooly! The wool mascot everybody!

Kenneth: Every year my aunt sends me a wool sweater for Christmas. We get it Aunt Alice, you’re a sheep.

Jenna: Paul and I can finally buy that time share in Batostonbos, Amsterdam’s premier private sex garden. They have genetically altered men there with minotaur heads that chase you through the brambles.
Liz: Ok. Well goodbye, my…closest female friends…

Liz: You no summer plans?
Toofer: Well David Edgars and designing a new font…
Liz: Ugh Shut up!

Frank: Lynn wants me to give up video games cause she thinks I need to grow up. How’s this for growing up. Last night for dinner, I put milk in my Applejacks.

Liz: You’re killing yourselves rather than let someone else win?

Lutz: I’m wearing a diaper, like a baby would!

Ina Garten: Hi neighbor I’m Ina Garten. My husband Jeffrey is away and I have some white wine and some bruschetta.
Liz: I’m alive!!!

Liz: All I have left is to pay the fine I incurred for the hate crime I committed against what the city is now claiming was a Jewish tree.

Eugene: Jenna this is a great day for the Wool Council.
Jenna: Well I am very proud to be your new spokeswoman. You know in the past I was the face of Clinique, a French Canadian anal rejuvenation clinic. And I was the feet of FilthyLittleFeet.com.

Eugene: We’re just a little worried about publicity like this.
Jenna: No Eugene, that’s not just some guy I picked up at a dog bar. Paul and I are in a committed relationship.
Eugene: Is he a cross dresser?
Jenna: [laughs] Goodness no! Paul is a gender dismorphic bigenitalian pansexual.

Eugene: Maybe we should take a few days and just think about this.
Jenna: No! Whenever men say that I never see them again.

Jenna: Our relationship is everything that wool is about: Love, warmth, chaffed skin. [Singing] Oh noble sheep eat your babies. We use your brain, to fight of rabies. But the most beautiful gift you give us is wool.

Eugene: Woolcome, Jenna.

Kenneth: I know your wife was kidnapped by some convince store owners.

Kenneth: Back in Stone Mountain, people lose their spouses all the time. Mumps, hill people attacks, cave collapses, both business and residential.

Jack: That smells delicious.
Kenneth: It’s an old Parcell family recipe. But I like to replace the Union Solider meat with boiled potatoes.

Jack: That was her chair.
Kenneth: [gets up] I’m sorry.
Jack: No please sit. You two have similar shaped buttocks.

Kenneth: Deer god, thank you for this venison. Onion god, thank you for these onions. Carrot god, thank you for the carrots.

Tape: Spanish for older women. Lesson 12: Emergencies. Disaster Approaching. Disastre inimente.
Liz: Disaster inimente. [Table shatters.]

Tracy: Oh my god, Liz! It’s Tracy. From work!

Tracy: Look I got a long night of shooting guns into the air ahead of me. You mind if I take a nape here?

Tracy: If I start screaming in my sleep do not wake me up. I will attack you! [False asleep] AAAAAHHHH!!! Wake me up! Free me from this!! [snores] AHHHH!

Jack: Thank you for dinner last night. It was nice to hear a woman’s laugh in the house again.
Kenneth: [Laughs] Oh you’re bad.

Kenneth: Now that the crew’s gone I like to give everything a good spring cleaning. Starting in the bathroom. There’s a lot of drawings of Ms. Maroney eating celery that men are giving to her with their hips.

Jack: I’ll just be alone… in a house full of memories.
Kenneth: My house if full of white cockroaches.

Paul: I got you an early anniversary present. It’s a new leash for when I walk you through the park like a dog.

Paul: This is a conservative top, Jenna. And I hate to be the stereotypical man, but this is my home and I want to wear this blouse.

Paul: I’ll cancel the sitter for tonight. Tell him won’t need to come sit on us after all.

Jonathan: You just made a very dangerous enemy, Kenneth.
Kenneth: Thanks for the heads up, Jonathan. Do you want to come to my birthday party.

Kenneth: It’s not just the bathroom that needs cleaning…
Jack: That’s why Jonathan’s family is here.

Tracy: Can I borrow a cup of sugar? I’m trying to get a hummingbird to drink out of my penis.

Tracy: I’m sorry you didn’t want to live next door to your friend. After all I’ve done for you. How many times have I come over and painted your apartment.
Liz: Three! And by the way, stop doing that.

Tracy: Maybe you’re saying we’re not friends. That’s fine. I don’t think it’ll affect my behavior next season.
Tape: The sad woman has been trapped by the idiot. La mujer triste…

Kenneth: Ok well since you’ve just been staring at me like that for the last 20 minutes, I’m just going to scoot on out of here.
Jack: Don’t go Avery, I mean Kenneth.

Jack: In the evening Avery and I would sit together and talk. It was a nice way to unwind.
Kenneth: I bet you miss…
Jack: Put on these evenings.

Jack: So tell me about your day.
Kenneth: Well… I got a soft yes from Jonathan about my birthday party. Then I went to a very uncomfortable dinner.
Jack: Do you know what I did today? Tried to be strong, sat alone with my thoughts, then I went to a wonderful dinner.
Kenneth: Then the dinner ended?

Paul: I am in the restaurant business and I really love golf playing.
Eugene: Is that so? What’s your handicap?
Paul: Oh well I don’t have one myself, but I do like a girl with a limp.

Jenna: So Mrs. Gremby, you’re also named Eugene?
U. Jean: Oh no dear, it’s U. Jean. My first name is Ugene, with a U.

Eugene: Golf, blouses I’m just so impressed with just how normal this dinner has been. Very wool.

Sitter: Greetings, slaves! Who’s ready to get sat on?
Paul: Sir I don’t know who you are but you are not wanted here. [Whipers to sitter] Didn’t you get my text?
Sitter: I thought it was part of the game.

Paul: We are good people who have no interest in being sat on. So don’t spew your statistics on the health benefits of weekly sittings, or it’s wide acceptance in Eastern cultures…
Jenna: Paul!
Paul: We are normal. And being normal is American and it’s respectable and it makes us…happy.
Eugene: Well done sir! Bravo! You handled that pervert with aplomb. Very wool.

Frank: It’s still zero to zero to zero.
Writer: To zero. I did it! I spoke!

Frank: What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be out at the Hamptons not being invited to stuff?

Toofer: I got you Lutz!
Lutz: No grenade, blowing myself up!
Liz: Oh my god that’s what I have to do. I can be a normal person. I have to blow myself up.

Liz: No your honor, I’m not disputing the fine, I’m refusing to pay it. Grenade, respawn!
Judge: Miss, I mean mam. Read the fine print. If you don’t pay I can sentence you up to three weeks of community service.
Liz: How about three months? This is a sham your dishonor. Nay! A mockery! I put the system on trial. You can’t handle the truth! I’m out of order, you’re out of order. Victor Sifuentes! Hoorah!

Judge: Gavel, gavel, gavel. I lost my gavel over the weekend but it doesn’t mean you can talk to me like that.
Liz: Talk to who? I just see an empty robe.
Judge: Do you honestly not see me or are you being rude?
Liz: [into the microphone] I am being rude.

Liz: Freedom! For me, probably not you guys…

Kenneth: Mr. Donaghy, where are my clothes?
Jack: Sherry must have put then in the wash while you were showering. Now give us a twirl.
Kenneth: [Twirling] This is not right, sir.

Jack: No what do you say you put on some of Avery’s perfume and we head over to Strawberry Fields and whip pennies at the drum circle.
Kenneth: I don’t like to swear, sir, but ‘No. Thank you!’

Kenneth: Now maybe I don’t have a wife who was kidnapped but I have seen the Brady Bunch where Tiger runs away. We’ve all been through some bad stuff, Mr. Donaghy.

Jack: I had the perfect woman. Gorgeous. Brilliant. Always let me be the hat in Monopoly.

Jack: God, are you punishing me because my hair is better than yours?

Kenneth: Alright, sir enough, you wanted me to be Mrs. Donaghy. Well I know Mrs. Donaghy and she is mean.
Jack: She once made Rahm Emanuel cry in an airport lounge.
Kenneth: So fine I will be Mrs. Donaghy and I’m going to say [Avery impression] Listen to me Jack. You don’t want people to pity you? Well they should cause you’re pitiful. You’re all alone, boo hoo why can’t my life be the way it was? Well it can’t. And you’re not alone. You have a daughter you should be spending time with instead of being weird to Kenneth. He may be a piece of chinless piece of human garbage, but he will never fill the void that I left behind. Oh look here he comes now, he’s gonna ask me to go to his birthday party. [As Kenneth] Hi Mrs. Donaghy you wanna come on down to my birthday party? [Avery] No I can’t, but I know Jack can.

Jack: Sherry, put Liddy’s baby pant suit on, I’m taking her to work today.

Eugene: Here’s to you, Jenna Maroney. Even with your back to me I definitely know it’s you.
Paul: I’ll turn around later.
Eugene: Perfect, I’ll keep talking. Mmm… wool…

Jenna: I’m finally taking a stand. After all of these days! You wanted us to be normal? Well this is our normal. And this is what we think of your morality clause. [Kiss]
Paul: Ahhh give mommy som beard. Oh you have some crumbs in here.
Jenna: Oh Eat it.

Jack: Good god, Lemon!? Liddy, Say “good god, Lemon.”
Liddy: Good god, Lemon.

Liz: I did it, Jack, I got my dream vacation.
Jack: You’re on a chain gang.
Liz: I’m outdoors, I’m wearing comfortable clothes, I’m gardening and I’m learning Spanish!

Jack: Liddy and I just went to Strawberry Fields, where she spit up on a white ladies dreds.

Tracy: Hey guys, it’s me, Tracy, the black guy from work.
Liz: What are you doing?
Tracy: I hooked a ball onto a truck on the Long Island Expressway. And Tracy Morgan does not take Mulligans.

Tracy: Good thing you had to move out of the house. Some idiot rammed his boat that I was driving into it.

Kenneth: You see all the good that is in them. All the capacity for love? Yes I know. I just need more time with them. Give me more time, Jacob! I beg of you!

Liz: Hola, everyone are you ready for season six? … Oh my god…

Ratings: 4.20 Million Viewers. 2.1/6 in the Demo.

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